I don't usually ask for help for myself here but I need some information if you have it. This is going to be all over the place so bear with me. I'll do the best I can here. I tend to be very private so this is hard for me which is why I'm posting this in this particular forum.
If you have read the Score so Far thread (that I started years ago) fairly recently, you will see that I've lost weight. My last weight at the doctors about 2 weeks ago was 93 pounds. The BMI calculators/charts put me at "normal" weight. I've averaged about 2 pounds a month weight loss and I know you're going to say that's great, good for you!, how'd you do it, etc.
I did it because I'm a mess and here is why. I'll make a little list.
1. I get AFIB/RVR which is a heart rhythm disorder that comes and goes. Without detailing the whole nine yards journey, I now average about 1-2 times per year (could be a 3rd one in there somewhere) which is a vast improvement from where I started. Sometimes I can cardiovert myself. Sometimes I can't. When I can't I have to go to the ER to have my heart shocked back into rhythm. I'm not afraid of it except for the fact that if I had to have my heart shocked, sometimes I get post traumatic stress symptoms that last 1-2 weekis...except for the last 2 times wherein I was perfectly fine.
2. The type of AFIB I get is related to digestion and vagus nerve stimulation. When it happens, it's always after a meal. Always.
3. Because it happens after a meal, I began eating smaller portions and for the past 10 years I've eaten heart healthy. In other words, I eat the type of foods that we're all supposed to eat only over the past couple of years I started reducing the portions. I try to eat healthy snacks inbetween meals.
4. I can't recall how long I have had AFIB but the result is that I'm often afraid to eat. Even the small portions, but I do eat them.
5. The fear is related to reality and it's mainly about developing PTS symptoms. It kind of paralyzes me for 1-2 weeks. I fly in the face of it, but I hate it. Be clear. I am not afraid that AFIB is going to kill me. I'm not afraid of the heart shock. And Lord knows I love the propofol they knock me out with.
6. I'm not depressed. It's about anxiety. Food anxiety that is based on the reality of my circumstances. And the fear associated with post traumatic stress symptoms.
That's how I lost weight. I'd like to gain some weight back but I have no idea how to do that when I'm stuck like this.
In the past couple of days I've become totally fed up with it all. Sick of it. Sick of it all. Sick of being afraid to eat. Sick of waiting for the other shoe to drop that sends me to an ER. Sick of walking on eggshells. Sick of worrying that I'm going to wreck a special gathering with family. Sick. Of. It. All. I hate this. I hate it so much. I can't eat right. I can't sleep right. I'm hyper aware of my heartbeat. I can tell you what my heart rate is without using an app within 1-2 bpm accuracy. I'm basically a mess but you'd never know it if you were face to face with me. You'd think I was a happy camper all peaceful and calm, interested in what you have to say, be bopping through a store with a smile on my face, but inside I'm usually stuffing down misery unless I am super immersed in something or dancing, and then I have real peace. I'm so tired of it I can't even tell you. This isn't me. It's nothing like me.
I've got an appointment with my primary coming up soon to address this and what I think is going on with me.
Which leads me to how you can help if you have the information.
I've googled my entire behind off by now. I think I have an idea about something. I have many of the symptoms of hiatal hernia. Not all of them. Yes, I know what the tests are. That's not the thing. Here is the thing and I know I'm putting the whole cart before the horse here. Still, I need real information from real people.
Have any of you had laproscopic hernia repair surgery? If so, how was your recovery? If so, was it worth it to you in resolving whatever symptoms you had?
I don't need to know about your symptoms unless you feel you want to say. I am most interested in recovery and outcomes from surgery. Years ago, I had gall bladder removal and I assume the recovery is something like that. I don't mind the idea of recovery or even more weight loss in the process (I've read about the post op dietary needs) if it will help me recover from these disturbing symptoms in the long term.
I thought hiatal hernia was something that only obsese persons developed. Apparently that is not so. When I read through the list of symptoms and got to the "feeling that food is stuck" in a certain area...ALL my alarms went off. Also, hiatal hernia is associated with AFIB. I've known that part for years now but never suspected I might have been developing this.
I know I don't know what is wrong with me. I know I'm getting ahead of my skis. I know I might be wrong and something else could be the culprit and that it could be something really terrible but I feel pretty well convinced that this could be the problem. I have a good track record of sorting symptoms where it turns out that I'm exactly right.
Sorry about the rambling. Here are the questions again.
Have any of you had laproscopic hernia repair surgery? If so, how was your recovery? If so, was it worth it to you in resolving whatever symptoms you had?
Thanks for wading through this. It's really hard for me to put myself out here on some issues. Others not hard at all. I've probably posted most of my life story on this board. But, this one is hard for me because I'm in a sensitive place about it, so please be kind. I count my blessings every single day. There is a whole list of things that aren't wrong with me. There are a whole list of things that are right with me. And believe it nor not my heart is healthy. I take pleasure in simple things and thank my God every day for the experiences and people that bring me joy, for the hope I always seem to have, the glass that is always half full, and for the important lessons I've learned along the way.
I just need some help here and if you've got it, please post it here. If you aren't comfortable with that, you can talk to me in messages. If I don't get back to you right away, it's only because I'm distracted by anxious feelings. But I will get back to you, I promise.
Thank you so much for reading this,
Jersey
p.s. It's almost quarter to 4 a.m. See what I mean?
