I do believe that in the case of both my husband and daughter, they could not forgive themselves for events beyond their control at the moment. Not that they had done any earth-shattering. Neither had police records or anything comparable. They just no longer believed there were alternatives to their inner turmoil and the only escape route was moving into oblivion.
I wonder if my husband really knew what kind of legacy he was leaving for our two children.
Thank you all for your kindnesses and comments.
What Happens After Suicide?
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_ajax18
- _Emeritus
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- Joined: Wed Oct 25, 2006 2:56 am
I wonder if my husband really knew what kind of legacy he was leaving for our two children.
I seriously doubt he did. Life can be very cruel and difficult. I know I get beaten down and become catatonic and unresponsive at times. Thus far I've always ended up getting back up and reentering the fight. But there have already been several times in my relatively short life that I thought I wouldn't get back up, so I obviously am very sympathetic to one who decides he/she just doesn't want to fight anymore. I came very close myself.
I've had extended family who have committed suicide. I know my aunt just couldn't get out of her chair for 5 months after her daughter died. But many times, life does get better. I've been surprised at this myself, because I just didn't believe it would get better, but impossible as it seemed, it did.
Time is on your side. I believe time is on the side of everyone.
And when the confederates saw Jackson standing fearless as a stone wall the army of Northern Virginia took courage and drove the federal army off their land.
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_JonasS
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hypatia wrote:Today is April 30th. Four and a half months after my daughter's death and two and a half months or so after my first thread on this site.
Today I reread my original thread and your responding posts. Thank you all for your heartfelt responses. I have to say, I was touched and even thirsted for your empathy when I wrote those words last February. I was completely shattered. Very much like a fathomless black hole, I was sucking the life I sensed from others.
A couple of you have PM'd me and I thought I would briefly update this thread as to my personal journey, and even progress, through the unfathomable experience.
Pirate, you are right---I often feel what I would like to think is the filling of my daughter's essence through my head and into my chest...what is it called? Being filled with her Grace? I would like to think so. I savor the experience and oneness with what I perceive is her.
Although I still wouldn't really mind a stroke or heart attack in order to just finish myself off, I want to live just a little more. There are possibilities out there. I measure my wellness not on a daily, or even a weekly basis. As I take my "temperature" periodically, I realize at this point it's on a monthly basis I recognize my changes, although I still send an email to her account ever once in a while or make a call on her cell.
After some "work" done on me in Red Rock country in southern Utah and hiking under the warmth of the sun, I am retiring from 34 years of teaching and opening space for something bigger than home--work, home--work, etc. --like a stick going back and forth making a deeper and deeper rut in the ground.
Scottie, I hope you are progressing, also.
At this point, I know there will be better days on the bridge Jersey Girl indicated would be the next phase of my life.
Again, thank you all.
Hey. I am so thankful for your update. It made me cry a little. I am so glad you are sounding more positive. God bless you.
Love you so much.
;)