RockSlider wrote:jo1952 wrote:However, the Lord is still guiding the Church as it fulfills so many of His purposes for mankind.
Jo, thank you for your honest answers. I've only partly paid attention to your posts, because of the pain it reminds me of. I only asked because I wondered if your experience is close to that which I once had, and it indeed sounds like it is.
Oh RockSlider!
My heart is aching for you. I hope you will be able to remember from studying scripture that those who abuse their power as religious leaders will be punished. Also remember that those who believe what their leaders have taught them and are faithful to those teachings will be counted as righteous - even if those beliefs are not correct. Yet that is only a small part of All Truth. You are right where you need to be!
In some ways I still marvel at my friend Hyrum Andrus, whom also, after much persecution by those in charge still held to your quoted thought above. My experience has been different.
I would like to point out that God has seen fit to continue to reveal Truth to me (and for other reasons unknown to me, the process seems to be accelerating), that literally daily my understandings expand and adjust....which has the effect of realigning all of scripture to make more and more sense. What I understand today will then be different tomorrow. Therefore, I continue to struggle within myself and what choices I will ultimately make about the Church which weighs heavily on my mind. It seems strange to say this; but in a way I feel like I have outgrown the Church. If I cannot find some place within the Church that can answer the level of questions I know have, I'm really not sure what choices I may make.
Something I HAVE learned in the past year is a different understanding of the teaching "Truth will set you free". What has happened is that my fears concerning God's possible retaliations are melting away. Whatever fear mechanisms any organized religious institution has ever taught me no longer have hold of my spirit. "Truth" is setting my spirit free from man's teachings about God.
I remember consuming all that I could find that man had printed, and then learning and growing in personal revelation seeking for even more. I learned of personal revelation to some degree of success as well. And then the day that the heavens turned to brass, and the two years of silence festered into a deep wound into my soul.
I have heard of this before. In fact, I have experienced it. Because it also took place at the same time that I became very sick back in 2005, I at first thought it was due to my illness that I felt the Heavens had closed to me. I felt that God had forsaken me. I had never been so confused or unhappy and forlorn. I realize now that it was a combination of things - and it was not unusual for someone going through my type of illness to feel they could no longer hear the answers to their prayers. However, from time to time, something would happen personally that would shout to me that God was well aware of what was going on. But I would remain in doubt. I think that thinking God had abandoned me was more painful to think about than what my illness was doing to my quality of life. I have been to hell and back; then to hell and back again. It has taken me years to understand this and finally come to the realization that these trials really and truly HAVE been for own spiritual good.
During that time I made choices that I would never have made under any other circumstances. This became a huge trial for my faith; and I started to question everything about God. I yelled, screamed, begged, and cried uncontrollably AT God; for months, and then for years. I became hopeless. There is nothing worse than being without hope. I caught a glimpse of what it must have been like for Jesus while He neared His physical death and cried out, "My God, why hast thou forsaken me?!" It is truly an excrutiating thought to consider that God no longer loves you. He is supposed to love you no matter what! But oh, the lesson learned could never have been taught to me if I had never personally experienced it. It was not until later that I came to understand He had never left me alone. During a couple of my darkest moments, who do you think would show up out of the blue at my door? My Bishop! He would show up and merely say, "I knew God wanted me to stop by to see you - but I don't know what the reason is. It was like I had no control over where my car was taking me." God frequently answers our prayers by using others!!
If you are comfortable doing so, please send me a pm and share what has happened. My spirit aches for your spirit. God doesn't care what church you go to, by the way; or even if you go to church anywhere. It is your spirit He loves; not your physical body.
This I do believe, if a man/woman is to seek for their calling and election, to come to know the Mysteries of Godliness, the Church of Jesus Christ holds no special keys, rights or ownership and in fact have apostatized far from it.
As I said, God doesn't care what church you go to, or even if you go to church. As such, the condition of the Church has no control over your spirit.
Jo I hope you are never hurt, like I was with all of this. Seeking the mysteries of God is a dangerous path.
Yes, it certainly can be!!! Amen to that!!! It is the rewards that I have tasted from time to time which keep me motivated irresistably to more and more Truth.
Jo, might I ask your age?
I don't feel it (after all, our spirit is young in spiritual, eternal "time"), but my body is 60 years old. How about you?
For what it is worth, I love you. Many blessings to you! Shalom!
jo