DiscussMormonism.com

Hi, I'm Cynthia.

Because my teenage daughter joined the church, I have been going to church most Sundays and participating in ward activities with her since early in 2009, but I am not a member.

I approach Sacrament service and church classes with a "take what you like and leave the rest" kind of attitude. Sometimes the experiences are enriching for me; other times I simply respect many of the members' sincerity and good intentions.

My own religious/spiritual beliefs are very strong and very precious to me, and they differ from LDS beliefs in deeply significant ways. I will not ever convert. I will continue participating as a friendly visitor as long as my daughter is a member. If she continues in the church beyond the time she lives with me, I won't attend on my own, just when she comes home or I am visiting with her.

So that's a brief statement of my perspective on the church, of what brings me here.

My ex-husband was baptised a couple of months ago. He attends a singles' ward, not the family ward that our daughter and I attend.

I'm curious about his eligibility for the priesthood.

Does he obtain priesthood status automatically, simple by being male and becoming a member?

Men who are baptized into the church generally receive the Aaronic (lesser) priesthood immediately after their baptism and confirmation. After a year of active membership they are usually interviewed by the bishop and stake president and can then receive the Melchizedek (higher) priesthood.

Thanks for responding, Joseph.

I've known my ex-husband for many years, since 1991. After a few of those years, I realized that he is often dishonest. He tells lies and he does less-than-truthful things to wiggle out of situations.

Recent examples include sending me a text message that our daughter was in bed on time when she was actually still up and hadn't even begun the roughly 20 minute process of getting ready for bed, coming into my home without asking me (or even informing me), and instructing our daughter to sign his name to a permission slip for a school activity.

Whenever he is confronted about such things, he responds with an explanation that lets him off the hook. He's never responsible for his own behavior. I have tried to work on this with him in family therapy, but apparently he believes these justifications. He does not hold himself accountable.

The therapist has helped me to understand that this is my ex-husband's current level of maturity. I can't make him see things differently, can't force him to change, even though his behavior has an impact on our daughter.

He does not repent for this kind of behavior. He doesn't even consider it when he "examines" himself and his life.

So here's my concern: If my ex were interviewed by the Bishop and Stake President, he would state with sincerity that he has acted with integrity in all situations.

I guess this means that he will probably receive the Melchizedek priesthood, and will then have the "authority" of that position.

This frightens me.

What else would you have them do? Should the Church do a thorough background check and get the ex-wife's approval beforehand?

Joseph,

I'll think about your question. I think it deserves more than an off-the-cuff answer.

But I am right to be concerned about this. As I understand it, my daughter will be expected to obey his priesthood authority.

There seems to be significant potential for abuse.

And now that he's a member, chances are he'll be encouraged to marry an LDS woman, and perhaps even have more children...

He will have this authority without having the maturity and strength of character to handle it appropriately.

loves2sing wrote:Joseph,

But I am right to be concerned about this. As I understand it, my daughter will be expected to obey his priesthood authority.

Your daughter will be expected to be his daughter. There is no more authority to boss someone around due to holding the LDS priesthood. That title is to effectuate and carry out ordinances in the LDS church, and is not some sort of power that a person becomes beholden to. There isn't any more power in the priesthood than exists in your pinky finger, but if people like the feeling of it, then let them enjoy the title.

There seems to be significant potential for abuse.

It has been abused, but there can only be a victim when someone gives this invisible priesthood any power. Otherwise it would be like the grand poo-bah master (Flinstones reference) thinking he can mind control you.

He will have this authority without having the maturity and strength of character to handle it appropriately.

The priesthood doesn't add any more "authority" in any aspect of life except as the believer internalizes it for themselves in relation to their religion. However, if your ex commits a serious breach against the church rules of conduct, he is more likely to be excommunicated because he was a priesthood holder.

Then, they invoke a second invisible power to take away the first invisible power.

Sure, Tchild, there's only extra authority in a priesthood holder if people believe in it. Of course that's true... and I myself don't believe there is any actual authority in the LDS priesthood.

My concern is that TBM do believe in it, and right now that includes my daughter.

She has received a few priesthood blessings, some from the Bishop and one from her Home Teacher: when she was baptized, when she was confirmed, when she was set apart as the Laurel class secretary, and when she started the new school year.

After each one, she spent a lot of time thinking about what was said, and she tried her best to act with those ideas in mind. She began approaching Laurel activities in a different spirit, for instance, and she also made some decisions about what classes to take at school based on what was emphaized in the blessing.

I have a great deal of respect for the Bishop. He seems to be a kind and caring man - and I think some of what he said in the blessings he's given Sarah was wise and insightful, and has the potential to be helpful to her. I'm grateful that she has paid attention to his words.

The Home Teacher's blessing was more or less generic for a teenage girl, and while I'm not wild about the emphasis on preparing to be a wife and mother (without mentioning the possibility of meaningful and satisfying professional work), I thought some of what was said might be useful for Sarah.

But I don't trust her father's judgment, based on many years of knowing him. He means well, especially toward our daughter, but he is immature and self-involved, and doesn't have a good sense of what would be helpful to others.

And I'm sure there are many, many other men who lack the insight and maturity to handle the priesthood authority in ways that will be helpful to others - or at least will not be harmful.

Yes, you're right, the authority is an illusion, but when TBMs believe in that illusion, for them the so-called authority holds real power.

loves2sing:

I don't think there's anything to worry about. Sure, he'll be able to perform or officiate in some additional ordinances, but that's about it. He won't automatically get any authority to boss anyone around.

If given a choice between "irresponsible" and "abusive," I'd say "irresponsible" is the one to choose.

loves2sing wrote:
But I don't trust her father's judgment, based on many years of knowing him. He means well, especially toward our daughter, but he is immature and self-involved, and doesn't have a good sense of what would be helpful to others.

And I'm sure there are many, many other men who lack the insight and maturity to handle the priesthood authority in ways that will be helpful to others - or at least will not be harmful.

Yes, you're right, the authority is an illusion, but when TBMs believe in that illusion, for them the so-called authority holds real power.

Another aspect of Mormonism is that it quickly weeds out the immature and self-involved converts. Lifelong members, not as much. The church asks a lot of its members in terms of time and money commitments and if your ex is as self absorbed as you describe him, he will be inactive in short order and the priesthood powers he temporarily believed gave him some special ability, filed away in his brain under the "useless" category.

Trust me, I am an authority on such things and I can be trusted or even tithed to if anyone is so inclined. (-wink-) where I would insert an emoticon if I could access them.