Looking back, what would you have done differently?

[_Jersey Girl]

I loved this OP when I first saw it and just now have decided to answer it, even though it's intended for ex-LDS. Don't expect anything profound, Im just winging it.

When I think about what I would have done differently, I have to say nothing. Everything that ever happened in my life (good, bad, joyful, hurtful) are what has made me who I am right now and I actually like who I am now better than the "me" that I was at any other stage of my life.

Everyone makes stupid choices and mistakes but they only remain stupid unless you learn something from them. I look back on poor decisions and bad experiences as resources from which to draw on today.

How could that be bad?

It's easy to say "I would have" or "I should have" but how can you say that when whatever it was that you chose to do, you did based on the person you were at the time?

Isn't it better to look back and see yourself as developing over time? Isn't that how people work? Isn't that how life works?

It's kind of like when a child is learning how to walk. They pull up, let go, take a few steps and fall and get up again. Sometimes they bloody their little mouth in the process. The key to learning how to walk, is in the getting up again.

So, I say "nothing" is what i would have done differently.

Jersey Girl

p.s. Always get up again.

[_barrelomonkeys]

***Edited to delete my lengthy reply in which I told tongue cluckers they can stick my good time up their tight puckered***



I regret nothing! I may not tell everyone my secrets, but I'm not going to spend a moment longer feeling ashamed.

[_wenglund]

In terms of learning from the past with the intent of bettering the future (as opposed to dwelling in the past by fruitlessly wishing to change it), I have found that the less inclined I am to blaming (myself and others, including institutions), while yet taking control and responsibility for my own thoughts and actions, and the more focused I am on satisfying the basic human need to love and be loved and to respect and be respected, and the more consistent and responsible I am in abiding the values and morals designed to meet that end, the better my life is and the better my influence on improving the lives of others.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

I hope that not only I can learn from my past, but that my daughters can, too. Thankfully, they aren't in a controlling cult like you are now and like I once was. They will be able to make decisions free from the influence of a farcical sham of the Mormon religion.

Incredibly, Wade, I am also focused on satisfying the basic need to love and be loved. I still have values and morals and I desire to improve the lives of others. I'm glad you're interested in the same. But, your repeatedly sharing the same exact message, in the same exact condescending, falsely sincere tone, isn't influencing me at all. I don't believe you have an iota of concern for me and I can't understand why you insist on repeating yourself on my nearly every thread. I've heard it enough.

So, you can take your psycho-babble and false sincerity and dispense it elsewhere if you'd like. I promise you are not going to change my opinions or influence me in any way. You're wasting your time.

I have no wish to influence you. I have no wish to interact with you at all. How I wish you felt the same about me!

KA

I have long been aware of how closed and prejudiced your mind is, and of late I haven't intended to change it. There are other reasons why I am responding to your sustained and petty smear campaign against the Church--reasons I doubt you could comprehend even were you open to hearing them or were I inclined to state them (which I am not).

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

[_wenglund]

...You can spend a lifetime trying to figure out "Who you are". And just when you think you have it pinned down, its gonna change.

Your better off deciding who you want to be, and working towards that in unrelenting determination....

Gaz

That is great advice...at least to those of us who are open to it.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

[_Scottie]

I carry only one regret, and I doubt there was anything I could have done (in hindsight) to keep from making the same mistake again had I had my whole life to do over again. At the age of 19, my hero, my idol, my father passed away of a massive heart attack. I can't say that I didn't expect it to happen some day. He was overweight and smoked a pipe (inhaling it no-doubt). But the shock to my system was massive.

I was in college at the time, and this happened the Saturday before thanksgiving that year (1996). For years after this, I always observed his death day on that day of the year (the Saturday before thanksgiving). The initial shock wore off about a month after the fact, but my concerns turned toward my mother. I am her only child, and Dad dying signified to me that she was totally alone. That summer I moved home from school instead of staying away from her.

On top of this, I came to realize that materialism held no value, and so I changed majors from computer science (which I went into because its very lucrative), to music (cello major) after that summer. In the stages of losing a loved one, I got stuck somewhere between denial and acceptance... ...for almost 10 years. I didn't really start to like Thanksgiving and Christmas again until my first born was about 2 or so.

In hindsight I spent way too much of my energy worrying about my mother and almost no energy on myself. Although I am very appreciative of changing majors (I met my wife in the Music Department), I have since failed to become an accomplished musician and have started back on my computer science degree. Here I am, 30, without a single college degree to my name. Because of how I dealt with my father's death, I am severely lacking in many ways at this point in life.

I respect what you did for your mother. Although I can see why it may have been a mistake and may have hindered both of you from growing.

[_barrelomonkeys]

Oh Scottie. I'm so sorry about your younger brother. I was so wrapped up in my own issues I didn't see your post earlier.

[_Scottie]

Oh Scottie. I'm so sorry about your younger brother. I was so wrapped up in my own issues I didn't see your post earlier.

Thank you. He was a good kid. The world is a worse place without him here.

[_asbestosman]

If I could redo my life, I would have tried to do some sports--I'm not any good, it true, but I think with some discipline I could have done decently in something.

If I could do things over again, I don't think I could survive my mission. It was really hard on me knowing that I was annoying people and knowing that I would be annoyed in their position--people I had no reason to annoy. Then again, I think I was far too anal on my mission so perhaps I would simply find other ways to avoid what I dreaded: tracting. Yet as much as I hated tracting, I met some very interesting people that way.

If I could live life over again, I would not be so scared of girls--esecially girls that liked me. I was just too scared to admit to myself that a cute little red-head girl in Jr. High had a crush on me. I always assumed that no girls liked me, but looking back the signs were obvious. I just always assumed that being bullied meant nobody really liked me. And yet such an idea is silly because I had plenty of close friends even if it was a small group. Stupid teen-age angst. Stupid self-esteem.

If I could live life over again, I would apply to MIT or Cal-tech just to see their reply. Sure I'd probably be rejected, but at least then I'd know. As it is now I just assume and others say that I should not assume. In the end I don't think I would have attended though as my family really doesn't have the dough for that kinda thing.

It's funny actually. One saying I learned on my mission (translated) is that if I don't try, I've already got the no, but if I try I might get a yes.

Maybe the problem is that I care what others think when I shoudn't and also don't care when I should. If only I had a time machine to come back and relive these years too.

But all in all, I think my life is pretty good.