Ray A wrote:Thanks for the explanations. You're still a young man, in fact you'd be about the same age as my oldest son, who was also born in 1979. What I would like to know now is which books/information influenced your change of mind?
The standard Works were the literary catalyst. Upon reading the Book of Mormon I thought just how poorly contrived it was. Same with the PoGP, D&C, etc. The really big OMG happened when I read old conference talks, journal entries, etc.
Ray A wrote:What was the specific point, or experience, at which you lost your belief?
Like most exmos this was gradual, a slow recognizing of certain undeniable facts.
Ray A wrote: When did that realization set in?
I acted upon my realization the spring of 2005, finally deciding to not go back to meetings. Besides the day I got married and the birth of my daughter it was the best day of my life. Seriously.
Ray A wrote:You said you threw out your garments in 2005, but were you suffering cog.diss for any length of time?
Tons. I used to debate exmos and EV's, the whole time not recognizing that I was losing every argument, hands down. Until I fully went over the points I was making I did not fully realize just how screwed up the arguments I was making were.
Ray A wrote: Or was it a sort of overnight thing?
The decision to act upon my new take on Mormonism was sudden. The feeling to act was gradual, over a year or so. I finally told my wife I was done but I still wore my G's. A few weeks later I trashed them, feeling stupid for keeping them on. that's how much control the temple gives to the church for influencing the behavior of Mormons.
Ray A wrote:Some people can vex over these issues for months, even years. It seems as though you came to a decision pretty quickly. It seems like you went from a believer to a trenchant critic almost overnight. But were these thoughts/realizations brewing in your mind for a long time?
The open question in my mind was "is this thought system correct"? The answer I gave before I left was "it doesn't matter, its useful". Then I started reading, comparing my own life to others and realized that I had shrugged off damaging events no one should've had to endure. In essence, Mormonism is percieved as useful to Mormons even when it truly is not.
Ray A wrote:
Then there's the issue of anger. Did you feel anger straight away?
For the most part, yes. Anger that I just could not leave. Everyone around me still involved in Mormonism was pressuring me to recant, LDS business associates were lessening the amount of work given to me and the general opinion among friends and family was that I was crazy. How can one not be angry?
Ray A wrote:Or was there some kind of initial shock, and the anger set in later?
It comes in waves. The tide has subsided for the most part now.
Ray A wrote:Some ex-Mormons say they felt embarrassed because of what they formerly believed.
I still feel like a dunce for what I believed but for the most part if your parents taught that red is blue and blue is red and you learn different, there was no way for you to discern between truth and untruth.. This is why authoritarian systems like Mormonism are harmful. No checks and balances when it comes to verification.
Ray A wrote:Many questions, and one more again: Did you post on RFM? Where did you first vent on the net?
Yep. Off and on for about 8 months. I got sick of it when I started probing the social structure there...it was almost like there was a cabal of admins with a "hidden" agenda, like FAIR almost. I enjoyed it but now that Shady Acres is here there is no reason to visit RFM. I visit the archived important threads every month or so but to be quite honest, i got bored of the lack of real conversation.
RFM serves a VERY good purpose in giving support to those leaving the cult. After that its pretty hollow.