I'll wait until I actually see what he has in mind. But then I've felt pretty foolish in the past when I've given Wade the benefit of the doubt. Even his denials of his agenda end up being sneering and belittling at the same time he professes bewilderment as to how anyone could feel that way about his helpful posts.
Here is the rough draft of the 10 Guiding Principles for the proposed discussion board as promised:
To better assure personal healing and growth, the following principles will guide the facilitators and must be adhered to by the participants:
This process of healing and growth is about:
1. You. Since the only person that you ultimately have the power and right to change is you, then you will be the subject of whatever change needs to take place in order for you to heal and grow. It you who is or will be at issue.
2. Self-empowerment and taking back control. As an adult, it is you, and no one else who is the captain of your ship. Accordingly, you need to take back whatever power and control of your ship that you may have given to other people or other things. You may do so by accepting, abiding, and making this about what is stated below.
3. Choice, goals, responsibility, and accountability. As the captain of your ship you have the ultimate authority and agency to make a variety of choices for and about your ship. You get to decide what kind of ship you will be, what shape your ship will be in, what direction you wish to take your ship, etc. You are also at least partially, if not fully, responsible and accountable for how your ship has sailed and how your ship will sail. You are the captain of your ship, so the buck stops with you.
4. Faith, hope, trust, and commitment. As the captain of your ship, you will have faith and hope that you will be able to affect positive change in your life and reach your desired destinations. This will require that you develop greater trust in your self and others (making this about a sound and secure collaborative effort), and be persistently committed and devoted to the cause--i.e. an active participant. The only person that will prevent you from realizing your worthy and reasonable goals, is you--that is, if you let you.
5. Addressing what is meaningful and significant. As the captain of your ship, you will want to avoid micro managing and counterproductively entangling yourself in minor and petty issues, but will devote your time and energy to matters of substance and import.
6. Addressing root causes, not symptoms. As the captain of your ship, you will want to get to the bottom of what may be negatively influencing your ship--including the workings of your moral/rational compass, the magnification and clarity of your telescope, the set of your sails, the sea-worthiness of your crew, the sturdiness of your timber, etc.
7. Addressing the future, not the past. As the captain of your ship, your eyes will be focused on the chosen destinations ahead, rather than the waypoints astern--otherwise, your past will continue to be your future.
8. Addressing the whole, and not just the parts. As the captain, when evaluating and making choices regarding your ship, you will consider whether the following are conducive to you getting to your desired destinations: a) the external environment; b) your emotional state; c) your physical health and condition, and d) your mental health and condition.
9. Doing what works. As a human captain of a human ship, you will not be so much looking with expectations of perfection and infallibility, nor with the intent to prove yourself right and others wrong, but rather to do what is reasonable and what will work best in getting you and your ship where you want to go.
10. Becoming our best selves and fulfilling critical human needs. Whatever choices and actions you take as the captain of your ship, you will keep in mind the goal of becoming your best self (whatever you, as the captain, determine that to be) as well as the attainment of these following basic and critical human needs: "To love, value, and respect, and to be loved, valued, and respected."--understanding that while attaining one or the other of the respective sides of that equation of human needs may be somewhat satisfying, complete fulfillment comes only by attaining both sides.
Any comments and suggestions for improvement will be appreciated.
Here is the rough draft of the 10 Guiding Principles for the proposed discussion board as promised:
To better assure personal healing and growth, the following principles will guide the facilitators and must be adhered to by the participants:
This process of healing and growth is about:
1. You. Since the only person that you ultimately have the power and right to change is you, then you will be the subject of whatever change needs to take place in order for you to heal and grow. It you who is or will be at issue.
2. Self-empowerment and taking back control. As an adult, it is you, and no one else who is the captain of your ship. Accordingly, you need to take back whatever power and control of your ship that you may have given to other people or other things. You may do so by accepting, abiding, and making this about what is stated below.
3. Choice, goals, responsibility, and accountability. As the captain of your ship you have the ultimate authority and agency to make a variety of choices for and about your ship. You get to decide what kind of ship you will be, what shape your ship will be in, what direction you wish to take your ship, etc. You are also at least partially, if not fully, responsible and accountable for how your ship has sailed and how your ship will sail. You are the captain of your ship, so the buck stops with you.
4. Faith, hope, trust, and commitment. As the captain of your ship, you will have faith and hope that you will be able to affect positive change in your life and reach your desired destinations. This will require that you develop greater trust in your self and others (making this about a sound and secure collaborative effort), and be persistently committed and devoted to the cause--i.e. an active participant. The only person that will prevent you from realizing your worthy and reasonable goals, is you--that is, if you let you.
5. Addressing what is meaningful and significant. As the captain of your ship, you will want to avoid micro managing and counterproductively entangling yourself in minor and petty issues, but will devote your time and energy to matters of substance and import.
6. Addressing root causes, not symptoms. As the captain of your ship, you will want to get to the bottom of what may be negatively influencing your ship--including the workings of your moral/rational compass, the magnification and clarity of your telescope, the set of your sails, the sea-worthiness of your crew, the sturdiness of your timber, etc.
7. Addressing the future, not the past. As the captain of your ship, your eyes will be focused on the chosen destinations ahead, rather than the waypoints astern--otherwise, your past will continue to be your future.
8. Addressing the whole, and not just the parts. As the captain, when evaluating and making choices regarding your ship, you will consider whether the following are conducive to you getting to your desired destinations: a) the external environment; b) your emotional state; c) your physical health and condition, and d) your mental health and condition.
9. Doing what works. As a human captain of a human ship, you will not be so much looking with expectations of perfection and infallibility, nor with the intent to prove yourself right and others wrong, but rather to do what is reasonable and what will work best in getting you and your ship where you want to go.
10. Becoming our best selves and fulfilling critical human needs. Whatever choices and actions you take as the captain of your ship, you will keep in mind the goal of becoming your best self (whatever you, as the captain, determine that to be) as well as the attainment of these following basic and critical human needs: "To love, value, and respect, and to be loved, valued, and respected."--understanding that while attaining one or the other of the respective sides of that equation of human needs may be somewhat satisfying, complete fulfillment comes only by attaining both sides.
Any comments and suggestions for improvement will be appreciated.
Thanks, -Wade Englund-
It actually sounds like a good start, Wade. I sincerely hope you mean it.
Hi, Wade. Just wanted to let you know that I hereby volunteer to help out with your new website. I will gladly proffer advice, help with administrative duties, and so forth. I would say that I'm qualified because I once read a Dr. Laura book. I also have a bit of educational background in both psychology and sociology, for what it's worth. So: what do you say? Are you willing to take me on board?
As Dan vogel recently asked, "Do you really expect former Mormons to come to a sight run by devout Mormon apologist to be healed?"
I mean this is like people who are trying to kick the habit, going to a rehab built and operated by a well-known drug dealer. I have a feeling you'd be bombarded with RFMers who would sign up just to make a mockery of it.
I just edited the guiding principles. Here is how they now stand:
To better assure personal healing and growth, the following principles will guide the facilitators and must be adhered to by the participants:
This process of healing and growth is about:
1. You. Since the only person that you ultimately have the power and right to change is you, then you will be the subject of whatever change needs to take place in order for you to heal and grow. It you who is or will be at issue.
2. Self-empowerment and taking back control. As an adult, it is you, and no one else who is the captain of your ship. Accordingly, you need to take back whatever power and control of your ship that you may have given to other people or other things. You may do so by accepting, abiding, and making this about what is stated below.
3. Choice, goals, responsibility, and accountability. As the captain of your ship you have the ultimate authority and agency to make a variety of choices for and about your ship. You get to decide what kind of ship you will be, what shape your ship will be in, what direction you wish to take your ship, etc. You are also at least partially, if not fully, responsible and accountable for how your ship has sailed and how your ship will sail. You are the captain of your ship, so the buck stops with you.
4. Being positive and optimistic, and having faith, hope, trust, and commitment. As the captain of your ship, it is to your advantage to be positively and optimistically minded. To become such, you will need to increase in faith and hope that you will be able to affect desired change in your life and reach your goals and destinations. This will require that you remember and acknowledge all that is good and has gone right in your life, and be grateful for those things, as well as focusing on what is and can be, rather than on what isn't or can't be (in other words, don't embrace the void). It will also require that you develop greater trust in you and others (making this about a sound and secure collaborative effort), and be persistently committed and devoted to the cause--i.e. you need to be an active participant. In short, the only person that will prevent you from realizing your worthy and reasonable goals, is you--that is, if you let you.
5. Focusing on what is meaningful and significant. As the captain of your ship, you will want to avoid micro managing and counterproductively entangling yourself in minor and petty issues, but will devote your time and energy to matters of substance and import. As the saying goes: "don't sweat the small stuff!"
6. Focusing on root causes, not symptoms. As the captain of your ship, you will want to get to the bottom of what may be negatively influencing your ship--including the workings of your moral/rational compass, the magnification and clarity of your telescope, the set of your sails, the sea-worthiness of your crew, the sturdiness of your timber, etc.
7. Focusing on the present and future, not the past. As the captain of your ship, your eyes will be focused on the chosen destinations ahead, rather than the waypoints astern--otherwise, your past will continue to be your future.
8. Focusing holistically. As the captain, when evaluating and making choices regarding your ship, you will consider whether the following are conducive to you getting to your desired destinations: a) the external environment; b) your emotional state; c) your physical health and condition, and d) your mental health and condition.
9. Doing what works and what is pragmatic. As a human captain of a human ship, you will not look with expectations of perfection and infallibility, nor with the intent to prove yourself right and others wrong, but rather to do what is reasonable, balanced, and what will work best in getting you and your ship where you want to go. Furthermore, you will also avoid overwhelming yourself by lumping all the issues you may face into a single, tangled morass, but you will isolate each issue, prioritize them, and begin working on them one-by-one as you are able.
10. Becoming our best selves and fulfilling critical human needs. Whatever choices and actions you take as the captain of your ship, you will keep in mind the goal of becoming your best self (whatever you, as the captain, determine that to be) as well as the attainment of these following basic and critical human needs: "To love, value, and respect, and to be loved, valued, and respected."--understanding that while attaining one or the other of the respective sides of that equation of human needs may be somewhat satisfying, complete fulfillment comes only by attaining both sides.
Mister Scratch wrote:Hi, Wade. Just wanted to let you know that I hereby volunteer to help out with your new website. I will gladly proffer advice, help with administrative duties, and so forth. I would say that I'm qualified because I once read a Dr. Laura book. I also have a bit of educational background in both psychology and sociology, for what it's worth. So: what do you say? Are you willing to take me on board?
While your reading and educational background may be of some help, it is more important that you ascribe to and adhere to the Guiding Principles. If you do, then you are welcome both as a facilitator and a participant.
dartagnan wrote:As Dan vogel recently asked, "Do you really expect former Mormons to come to a sight run by devout Mormon apologist to be healed?"
I mean this is like people who are trying to kick the habit, going to a rehab built and operated by a well-known drug dealer. I have a feeling you'd be bombarded with RFMers who would sign up just to make a mockery of it.
But, I am not an LDS apologist (devout or otherwise), and I haven't been one for over a year and a half--which, as I understand things, is longer than you have not been an LDS apologist.
And, whether former Mormons come to my site depends on whether they are intent on being healed or not--though I can certainly understand if there is some measure of skepticism and hesitancy on their part. Again, my religious affiliation and theirs has little relevance when it comes to healing. If you look at my Guiding Principles, you will not see a single reference to the Church.
As for them coming to mock, that would be somewhat mitigated by moderators enforcing the Guiding Principles. For my part, I will be glad to have them there regardless of what may have innitially motivated them to come.
I suppose, though, that it may take some time and more than a little fruitful history before many, if not most, RFMers will be comfortable in participating on my board. Time will tell.
I'm sorry but I haven't taken time to read all of the comments here and only scanned your Guiding Principles. Is this board mainly for those affiliated with Mormonism? Is Mormonism the centerpiece of the healing?