Mission President in France talks about self-abuse

Post by **_beastie** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 8:50 pm

How come no one's mentioned his big ole' stick?

Post by **_Sethbag** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 8:50 pm

I did have to laugh when he was asking why he's getting email from missionaries with hotmail.com or yahoo.com accounts or whatever. If you can't stick to the LDS provided email system, just stay off the computer.

Can you say cultish control freaks? I knew you could.

It's really s****y that they lay a guilt trip on the missionaries for only baptising 2 people a month in the mission. It's all because 30-40% of the missionaries are jacking off. Gimme a break. The church leaders always always always blame the missionaries for their lack of success, and never stop to think that maybe it's the product they're selling, and that people just don't want it.

This happened in my mission too, but thankfully it wasn't my MPs who did it. We had a Seventy come and rake us over the coals for our low baptismal rates, saying it was all our fault. I jacked off from time to time on my mission, and I confessed to my first mission president, and he said "join the club". He obviously thought it should stop, but he wanted me to understand that this was a really common "problem", that most men have it, and that although I should stop, it wasn't the kind of thing I should go hang myself over, or contemplate cutting my dick off for (you know, if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out). He also didn't lay guilt on me saying that our low baptism rate was because I couldn't completely stop wanking.

My first mission president was actually a great guy, who knew how hard it was in that mission, and he was never a real hard-ass on the missionaries the way this guy is in this film. My second mission president was a little more "in the mould", you might say, but he too was actually a very good guy, and I never resented him or thought he was a jerk or anything. He cared for us, and wanted us to succeed, but he never laid the guilt on us for not baptising more. He never made us feel like worms or anything.

Post by **_asbestosman** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 8:50 pm

Who Knows wrote:I thought the bit about 'hotmail' accounts was funny too. Since we get emails from a cousin on a mission who uses hotmail. I bet he masturbates too. heathan.

But will you dare to shake his hand when he comes home?

Post by **_asbestosman** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 8:52 pm

beastie wrote:How come no one's mentioned his big ole' stick?

Someone did in the comments section on that link.

Post by **_Runtu** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 8:52 pm

Sheesh. Now I know why I had so many baptisms on my mission. I was one of those people who took it deadly seriously and never did anything like that on my mission.

I remember getting a letter from my friend on his mission in Finland. He came in the bedroom one night to find his companion self-abusing. My friend just said, "Could you at least do that in the bathroom or somewhere else?"

In my mission, a zone leader impregnated a local girl, and a sister missionary went home pregnant, and we didn't even have email popups to tempt us.

I guess what strikes me is how people get so worked up (no pun intended) over such a trivial matter. Seems like a warped perspective to me.

Post by **_beastie** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 8:55 pm

You know, I don't remember my MP or anyone else talking about masturbation on my mission. Did they reserve those talks for "elders only" meetings?

Aside from that, we certainly were blamed for our lack of success. At least if you're told masturbating is the problem, you know what to fix. But we were told vague crap like we didn't have enough faith or weren't seeking the spirit. Just how do you fix that, when you're already doing everything you've been told to do?

The Toulouse mission was my mission. It was closed down shortly after I left. (not my fault, of course) Then they reopened it, and reclosed it. Looks like it's been reopened yet again. And, by the way, when I was there, missionaries were lucky to have two baptisms for their entire mission. I wonder if that "two baptisms a month" referred to the entire mission, frankly.

To put it into perspective, french people like Jehovah Witnesses better than Mormons. That ought to be a little clue.

Post by **_beastie** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 8:58 pm

Someone did in the comments section on that link.

Yeah, but they thought it was for whacking people. I had something a bit more freudian in mind.

Post by **_beastie** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 9:02 pm

I just had a disturbing thought. One of the APs on my mission was named Pratt. I can't remember his first name, but Alan sounds right. Good Lord, I wonder if that's him? If so, life hasn't treated him kindly. He was a very nice guy back then. I'm trying to remember if he was the one that the regional rep (hale, now an apostle) made cry. Seems like he would have remembered how it feels to be humiliated as a missionary.

But maybe it's not him. I hope not. I certainly don't recognize his picture, but the last time I saw him he was 20.

But I guess there are a ton of Pratts in the church. Probably not him.

Post by **_Runtu** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 9:02 pm

I don't recall the subject ever coming up except in MP interviews. My mission president probably thought I was lying, but I wasn't. I do remember F. Burton Howard coming to our mission and yelling at us for over an hour, calling us lazy, uncommitted, and immature, all reasons why we were only having 350 baptisms a month in our mission.

Howard is the only GA I ever heard speak the entire time I was in Bolivia. I was doing my best and following the rules, and after that I got really discouraged.

Post by **_Who Knows** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 9:16 pm

asbestosman wrote:
Who Knows wrote:I thought the bit about 'hotmail' accounts was funny too. Since we get emails from a cousin on a mission who uses hotmail. I bet he masturbates too. heathan.

But will you dare to shake his hand when he comes home?

The thought of shaking hands with a married guy is a bit more gross to me. ;)