I will try not to offend!

[_smitty]

Dave don't hurt your arm patting yourself on the back. It would be tragic.

[_JAK]

My Dear Elder,

You wrote,

Any advice? See you soon at the quorum of the 15 meeting in the temple.

As always, your brother in the harness, Elder David A. Bednar

The door to my office is always open for the outpouring of godly advice. And most certainly open for a fellow special witness. A number of years ago a young man came into my office, distraught from the wages of sin bearing down upon him. To add to his burdens, he had been offended. By the bishop no less. There had been some disputes concerning his process of repentence. I asked him what was the matter. He said that during the many talks he had with the bishop, the bishop over time was confusing details about his transgressions. For instance, he had told the bishop about a certain habit he'd engaged in two times the previous week. But during the next meeting, the Bishop asked about the young man's struggle in repentence for the habit he'd engaged in four times in the prior week. The young man grew anxious, "But Bishop, I only did it twice!"

Now this is interesting situation, you see. On the one hand, we have a sinful youth who is under the influence of the adversary claiming that a certain event happened twice. And in the other hand, I mean, on the other hand, we have a man ordained by God, given the power of discernment, saying that the same event happened four times. Now Elder, how many times did this event happen?

If your watch says it's tuesday, and President Hinckley says it's thursday, what day is it?

And if a senior apostle spells "apostasy" as "apostacy", how is the word spelled?

Unquestioning obedience is the first law of heaven by dear brother. And the tests of this obedience come in many ways.

Tommy states:
If your watch says it's tuesday, and President Hinckley says it's thursday, what day is it?

And if a senior apostle spells "apostasy" as "apostacy", how is the word spelled?

Unquestioning obedience is the first law of heaven by dear brother. And the tests of this obedience come in many ways.

Either “your watch” is wrong or “President Hinckley” is wrong.

“Unquestioning” anything is ignorance, stupidity or both. Honest, transparent inquiry gives access to valid conclusions.

Religious dogma is a primary path to ignorance and masquerades as instruction.

Days of the week are capitalized and the spelling of the word is apostasy.

If your picture reflects your age, you appear to have escaped the most elementary of education.

JAK

[_harmony]

Days of the week are capitalized and the spelling of the word is apostasy.

If your picture reflects your age, you appear to have escaped the most elementary of education.[/color]

JAK

JAK, in case you haven't noticed, and evidently you haven't, our posters Mr's Bednar, Packer, and Tommy are parodies of the men they're striving to ridicule. So whatever they're saying, don't take it seriously or at face value. You're trying to fight a cartoon.

[_JAK]

Days of the week are capitalized and the spelling of the word is apostasy.

If your picture reflects your age, you appear to have escaped the most elementary of education.[/color]

JAK

JAK, in case you haven't noticed, and evidently you haven't, our posters Mr's Bednar, Packer, and Tommy are parodies of the men they're striving to ridicule. So whatever they're saying, don't take it seriously or at face value. You're trying to fight a cartoon.

Well, I certainly wouldn’t want to “fight a cartoon.”

All I know is what words appear on the screen. I shall accept your point.

JAK

[_Tommy]

Dear Brother JAK,

Either “your watch” is wrong or “President Hinckley” is wrong.

Since the prophet is always right, then the watch must be wrong.

“Unquestioning” anything is ignorance, stupidity or both. Honest, transparent inquiry gives access to valid conclusions.

Not unquestioning obedience to a servant of the Lord. For as he hath said, "Whether it is by mine own voice or the voice of my servants, it is the same". In this case, unquestioning obedience is the mark of pure intelligence.

Religious dogma is a primary path to ignorance and masquerades as instruction.

Yes, son, that is true! Oh how marvelous the light of the restoration which illuminates the darkness drawn by sectarian dogma!

If your picture reflects your age, you appear to have escaped the most elementary of education.

You might be interested to know I hold a PhD from the University of Utah. But this is not too interesting when compared to the education I have received from our dear prophet and the prophets before him. I have probably been educated more closely and personally from living prophets of our Father in Heaven than any other human walking the earth.

I would like to take this opportunity, JAK, to invite you to church this Sunday. And I'll put in a word for Elder Bednar, as he likes to be called, perhaps he might be calling upon you soon for a meeting in his office.

[_Boyd_K_Packer]

My dear brothers and sisters:

Perhaps some of you have already heard my talk in the Saturday morning session of General Conference. For those of you who haven't yet heard it, I hope you will get the chance to do so. I truly felt the Spirit as I prayerfully prepared the Parable of the Pickle. I hope it will help all of you to see the way back to the gospel and find that desire you once had to put on the harness of God and work together to building up the Kingdom of god in these, the latter days.

The reviews are quite astounding, if I say so myself. Glowing reports from around the web! Here are just a few for you to consider.

Brother Bednar, it saddens me to once again publicly rebuke you, but you leave me little choice. When you asked me to review your talk Friday night, I did so out of the kindness of my heart. The talk I reviewed heaped glowing praise upon me and the other senior leadership. I remember your talk including words to the efffect of "I strive to follow the example of Brother Packer, for he is the greatest of all the twelve Apostles." When you got up to speak, I looked forward to hearing those words, but instead I heard the parable about the pickle. I know we've used this parable in our strategy meetings, but the pickle parable is an internal parable, only for leadership. Think about it. Why would a big, firm cucumber want to be turned into a soft, wrinkly, old pickle? As church leaders, of course we want to turn the members into wrinkly old pickles, but we don't want the members to know that. They need to think that they are ripe, healthy, firm cucumbers. The pickling of the membership should happen gradually without their knowledge. You revealed inside information to a captive audience. You told them that we are going to immerse them in doctrine until they turn into wrinkly old pickles. This is what we discuss internally but it is NOT for public consumption. I only hope most of the members fell asleep during your talk.

I understand that you are still new to this, but this is your fifth General Conference and you are still making rookie mistakes. If you think you can get by on your looks alone, you've got another thing coming young man. You may want to follow the example of your fellow Junior GA, Brother Uckdork, or whatever his name is. He is also a handsome man (I'm not afraid to admit that). But he focuses on giving good, vanilla talks. Follow his example and you'll do better.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Sincerely,

Boyd K. Packer

[_The Dude]

I just want to say how much I'm enjoying this thread. I've always wanted to be a fly on the wall when the 15 get together for some high-powered God-talk. And this is more or less what I expected. Great fun!

Elder Bednar: you missed your chance to drop a punch-line like:

"Thusly I inquire of the Saints, yeah I ask each and every one of you in your very hearts, What's the dill, pickle?"

Get it? Dill = deal. It's a good pun when spoken. Just imagine the tabernacle shaking with righteous laughter.

Oh well, maybe next year.

[_marg]

JAK, in case you haven't noticed, and evidently you haven't, our posters Mr's Bednar, Packer, and Tommy are parodies of the men they're striving to ridicule. So whatever they're saying, don't take it seriously or at face value. You're trying to fight a cartoon.

Thanks Harmony for giving JAK the heads up.

Hi JAK, some of the people in this thread are quite serious. Aquinas being one, and my responses to him were serious as well. For information on Bednar, Packer and Tommy see links:


http://www.answers.com/topic/thomas-s-monson

http://www.answers.com/topic/boyd-k-packer

http://www.answers.com/David%20Bednar

[_JAK]

JAK, in case you haven't noticed, and evidently you haven't, our posters Mr's Bednar, Packer, and Tommy are parodies of the men they're striving to ridicule. So whatever they're saying, don't take it seriously or at face value. You're trying to fight a cartoon.

Thanks Harmony for giving JAK the heads up.

Hi JAK, some of the people in this thread are quite serious. Aquinas being one, and my responses to him were serious as well. For information on Bednar, Packer and Tommy see links:


http://www.answers.com/topic/thomas-s-monson

http://www.answers.com/topic/boyd-k-packer

http://www.answers.com/David%20Bednar

Well marg,

Your post and that of Harmony’s are interesting. Since there appears to be no way to know if a post is sarcastic or “cartoon,” responding to one is a stupid exercise. And from these comments to me, I shall refrain from any further posts on this forum. The liars and those who speak with honesty can’t be distinguished by someone just reading the screen.

I read your links and think I can make no useful contribution here.

JAK

[_Jersey Girl]

JAK, in case you haven't noticed, and evidently you haven't, our posters Mr's Bednar, Packer, and Tommy are parodies of the men they're striving to ridicule. So whatever they're saying, don't take it seriously or at face value. You're trying to fight a cartoon.

Thanks Harmony for giving JAK the heads up.

Hi JAK, some of the people in this thread are quite serious. Aquinas being one, and my responses to him were serious as well. For information on Bednar, Packer and Tommy see links:


http://www.answers.com/topic/thomas-s-monson

http://www.answers.com/topic/boyd-k-packer

http://www.answers.com/David%20Bednar

Well marg,

Your post and that of Harmony’s are interesting. Since there appears to be no way to know if a post is sarcastic or “cartoon,” responding to one is a stupid exercise. And from these comments to me, I shall refrain from any further posts on this forum. The liars and those who speak with honesty can’t be distinguished by someone just reading the screen.

I read your links and think I can make no useful contribution here.

JAK

No way! Where's your passion, man? You giving up on your long standing mission to think me out of God belief? Stick around.

Brick wall,
Jersey Girl
;-)