dartagnan wrote:I agree with much of what Ray has said, and I have expressed similar feelings on the message boards. Mormons are generally honest people who mean well. But I think it is an unwarranted assumption that the Mormons have chosen a “better lifestyle” than ex-Mormons because there is no such thing as the ex-Mormon lifestyle, and some practicing Mormons drink, smoke, become addicted to prescription medication, etc. As far as the word of wisdom, some people leave the Church and become vegetarians. So it is impossible to use this as some kind of barometer for goodness.
I do not think that leaving the Church is synonymous with choosing a lesser lifestyle. Many ex-Mormons I find to be honest just the same. I have found several dishonest people in the Church too. In fact, the most honest and sincere posters I have found on the web are those who have either left or are currently struggling with their testimonies. The apologists I used to rub elbows with have since shown me how fake they can really be. For Mormons, the tribe is what’s important. It comes first. Personal relationships are secondary and are only tolerable within the overall context of what’s best for the Church. If you strike them as someone who might serve the Church in some capacity, they will keep the bridge open. If you strike them as someone who has already fallen into apostasy, they will probably consider you a lost cause and burn the bridge. Of course, they’ll likely blame you for burning the bridge because, as I said before, the one who dares express doubts about the truth claims of the LDS Church, is already guilty by default. They don’t even entertain the possibility that you might have a point. You’ve been doubting, which means you’re probably sinning, which means you’re probably on the path to apostasy, which means the only cure is your own repentance. Why hang around someone like that when their mere presence could cause your own spirituality to deflate?
So all in all, yes, I would most likely trust a Mormon neighbor to baby-sit my kids as opposed to a non-LDS I do not know. To me it doesn’t really matter why Mormons tend to be honest and wholesome. The fact is they have that tendency, which means I feel safer knowing my kids are with strangers with at least some sense of a moral compass. It isn’t that I assume non-Mormons don’t have one, its just that with Mormon strangers, I know at least something about them.
On the other hand, the more I think about it the more I am beginning to see how the Evangelical criticism is not totally without merit. Many Mormons really do “good works” for less than admirable reasons. Many of them really do see themselves as teetering between the terrestrial and celestial kingdom, and they want to do as much for their neighbors to push them over on the good side. For the recipients of their services, it doesn’t matter to them what their motives or intentions are. Ten years ago I would have said this is hogwash when an Evangelical would accuse Mormons of trying to work their way to heaven, but since then I have had numerous anecdotal experiences where Mormons would open up to me during an emotional breakdown, and explain to me this precise reason for their stress. They don’t feel good enough. They find themselves constantly praying and repenting throughout the day, scared to death that one sin my pass them by without repentance, forever damning them to one of the lesser kingdoms. Every single Mormon in my wife’s family in Utah is on Prozac or some other anti-depressant. Better lifestyle you say? There is more to the typical Mormon lifestyle than the cookies they bring over to new neighbors and the smiling faces they put on at Church.
Ultimately, it is impossible to determine which side has chosen the better lifestyle. And again, the whacky RFM type ex-mos represent less than one half of one percent of ex-Mormonism. They are not a good group to compare with. My sense of it is that people are either good or bad from the start. Missionaries have a tendency to baptize people who are already good hearted. On the whole, they are not baptizing drunks, wife abusers and drug addicts. I think good people will be good with or without the Church.
Amen! Are you a believer?
I am inactive right now, and struggled for a long time to try and accept doctrines and history that felt evil and unGodly. I am not perfect, but there is nothing in my lifestyle morally that has declined. I began searching about polygamy because it weighed so heavily on my heart and I really wanted to overcome it so I could increase my testimony. I had no desire to leave the church and still long to find a way of overcoming my feelings in some ways. I have never been so dilligent at reading my scriptures and teachings of the Prophets than I ever did as an active Mormon. I have never pondered and searched more in my life to try and recconcile my testimony with what I learned about Joseph Smith. Apologetics only made it worse for me. In many ways, I am a better person because of this trial. I used to be so judgemental of apostates because of the teachings given by the church and members. I was also ignorant of the issues and didn't know better.
It has always surprised me that the apologists are the most bitter and hateful to critics or doubters of the church. They should be the ones that are the most understanding, given their knowledge of the issues. It makes no sense to me.
The only "lost sheep" the church cares about are the inactives who have no issues with doctrines, history, or behavior of Prophets.
Critical thinkers are not welcome.
