Giving and Taking Offense

[_sailgirl7]

I'll be more clear in my wording to make sure people don't think I'm just some childish idiot trying to take sides because I like or don't like someone.

I certainly don't think that you're a childish idiot, and I rather doubt anyone else here does, either.

I also have a problem with ad hominems being thrown around simply because one person disagrees with another person's stance.

It would be in everyone's best interest to be able to "agree to disagree" on certain issues.

Liz-
I can understand why some would think that of me because of the words I used- so I should have just been better with how I said what I did. I shouldn't have said, Wade doesn't care and I shouldn't have said to cast stones my way.

I agree with stopping the ad hominems. For me in this particular instance I just had to say something because of what KA had recently done for me. I did it wrong- and usually I don't take things so personally- it's just that KA had become real to me- not just some anonymous poster on a message board- that's how I let my emotions override my judgement.

[_Runtu]

I'm sorry for all the offense I have given by the way I tried standing up for something. I must admit the only reason I even said something at all was because of a very recent experience in real life that happened between me and KA that none of you know anything about. Therefore, because of my gratitude about what just happened with that- I was feeling very defensive about people saying things to her that I didn't like. I didn't feel like I was trying to "take sides" as much as I just wanted to say somehow that I didn't think her harsh treatment was deserved. Knowing what I knew- I didn't feel right about keeping silent. But of course hindsight is 20/20 and next time- I'll be more clear in my wording to make sure people don't think I'm just some childish idiot trying to take sides because I like or don't like someone. I actually agree with some things Wade says and disagree with some things KA says- so it's not just a simple "take sides' issue for me. If people would know the whole story perhaps things would make more sense.

By my count, you're one up on Wade, who to my knowledge has never apologized to anyone on this board for any reason.

So then some want to emphasis that Wade is such a great guy. That's fine- I just want to be clear that it wasn't me who said I would ignore him.

I knew what you meant. I think Wade is a fine person, but as I said, he has trouble expressing himself without being hurtful, witting or not.

And I know KA can "take care of herself"- I wasn't trying to say she couldn't- it was just the principle of the thing based on my recent experience. So I guess I need a serious break from this place because I am becoming all the bad things that I don't want to be. I really do like all of you, even Wade- I've learned a lot and have been impressed with how smart and nice everyone is. I guess I just need to figure out if I have a point here anymore.

I know how you feel. I felt that happening to me as well (ironically it was because of my interaction with Wade), and I took a break. I hope you can get to a point where you don't take everything personally. I'm learning to develop a thicker skin, though I have my moments.

[_barrelomonkeys]

I'm sorry for all the offense I have given by the way I tried standing up for something.

Oh wow! You gave me no offense. If anything I'm impressed that you felt so strongly about something that you interjected! I just wanted to explain why I didn't feel the need to.

I must admit the only reason I even said something at all was because of a very recent experience in real life that happened between me and KA that none of you know anything about. Therefore, because of my gratitude about what just happened with that- I was feeling very defensive about people saying things to her that I didn't like. I didn't feel like I was trying to "take sides" as much as I just wanted to say somehow that I didn't think her harsh treatment was deserved. Knowing what I knew- I didn't feel right about keeping silent. But of course hindsight is 20/20 and next time- I'll be more clear in my wording to make sure people don't think I'm just some childish idiot trying to take sides because I like or don't like someone. I actually agree with some things Wade says and disagree with some things KA says- so it's not just a simple "take sides' issue for me. If people would know the whole story perhaps things would make more sense.

I can absolutely understand loyalty! I don't think less of you for being loyal. That is an admirable quality and I respect you for it. I just, in this instance, could see both sides and didn't feel the need to come to someone's defense.... and yet can absolutely understand how someone else may feel differently about the situation.

And I know KA can "take care of herself"- I wasn't trying to say she couldn't- it was just the principle of the thing based on my recent experience. So I guess I need a serious break from this place because I am becoming all the bad things that I don't want to be. I really do like all of you, even Wade- I've learned a lot and have been impressed with how smart and nice everyone is. I guess I just need to figure out if I have a point here anymore.

I hope you don't take a break because of insult from here! I understand (COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND) feeling that I am in the right and fighting a righteous fight and feeling frustration because no one else understands or relates to my frustration. I GET IT! Believe me. If you must find fault, find fault in us that don't view this spat as something we must intercede... but don't lose that sense of loyalty and friendship. I just, in this instance, can't feel the same way you do.

I do NOT think you are a childish idiot I understood instinctively that you were being loyal to KA. That is not childish at ALL!

[_barrelomonkeys]

Oh, and I think I know the problem perhaps?

When I said I'm not in highschool anymore that was NOT implying that to take sides was childish. It meant that I would not take sides because I have friends that ask me to.

There's a difference I think. I can take sides, no doubt about that! I just don't want to have to because my friend says "He's a mean booger and we're going to shun him." :)

I think there's a difference. Atleast in my mind.

[_sailgirl7]

Here's what I orginally said to Wade:

Perhaps you will add me to your list then too- because KimberlyAnn is my friend and I know from first hand experience that she is a kind and generous person- not that you care, I just wanted it known that I have benefited from her good works and I know that she is a good person. So as you cast those stones- throw some my way.

Thanks, - Sailgirl7-

bold added


From that post all kinds of false assumptions were made about about what I was saying.

1. That I was taking sides and wanting others to take sides.

2. That I requested to be ignored by Wade.

3. That I liked or didn't like people.

4. That I thought KA couldn't stand up for herself.

What I should have said was this:

"Wade, it hurts me when I see you say harsh things about Kimberly Ann, because although I like you and I like her- and I agree with you on some things and disagree with her on some things, I would rather you not attack her with ad hominems which I personally don't think are deserved. No one else is being asked to agree with me or take sides and I know that KA can stand up for herself.Feel free to ignore me or whatever you want- it's just my one penny's worth of a thought. Just because I feel hurt doesn't mean anything."

I shouldn't have said Wade didn't care. He later said he didn't question that KA was a kind, generous and good person.

Hopefully that clears things up a bit- sorry for going bonkers. :-)

[_barrelomonkeys]

Here's what I orginally said to Wade:

Perhaps you will add me to your list then too- because KimberlyAnn is my friend and I know from first hand experience that she is a kind and generous person- not that you care, I just wanted it known that I have benefited from her good works and I know that she is a good person. So as you cast those stones- throw some my way.

Thanks, - Sailgirl7-

bold added


From that post all kinds of assumptions were made about about what I was saying.

1. That I was taking sides and wanting others to take sides.

2. That I requested to be ignored by Wade.

3. That I liked or didn't like people.

4. That I thought KA couldn't stand up for herself.

What I should have said was this:

"Wade, it hurts me when I see you say harsh things about Kimberly Ann, because although I like you and I like her- and I agree with you on some things and disagree with her on some things, I would rather you not attack her with ad hominems which I personally don't think are deserved. No one else is being asked to agree with me or take sides and I know that KA can stand up for herself.Feel free to ignore me or whatever you want- it's just my one penny's worth of a thought. Just because I feel hurt doesn't mean anything."

I shouldn't have said Wade didn't care. He later said he didn't question that KA was a kind, generous and good person.

Hopefully that clears things up a bit- sorry for going bonkers. :-)

Hi sailgirl. I want you to know that I made no assumptions about you. When I posted earlier that I wasn't taking sides, to be perfectly honest with you, I wasn't even thinking about you taking sides. What you were doing, or not doing, wasn't even a consideration for me.


So. I'm sorry you think I made any assumptions about you.

1. That I was taking sides and wanting others to take sides.

I don't even think I'd really even read your posts. I was skimming the thread (I'm in a midlife crisis - - - - or something) and am pretty focused on self right now.

2. That I requested to be ignored by Wade.

I didn't even really read your conversation with Wade. Even as I'm typing this... I'm not even sure I read it. Sometimes I just skim. Lately I've been skimming more than usual... my head is a bit bonkers right now. I'm sorry.

3. That I liked or didn't like people.

Well I didn't really think about it.... but there are plenty of people I dislike! There's not someone on this board that pops into my mind. But I probably don't know them well enough. ;) It's okay to like people and dislike other people. I have no issues, or assume that's a fault, if you dislike certain people. I have no problem with KA and Wade disliking each other.

4. That I thought KA couldn't stand up for herself.

I never assumed you thought that. I just didn't think that much about it to be quite honest with you. Perhaps when other people were responding we were just speaking on behalf of ourselves outside of what you were thinking/doing? I know I was.

I'm sorry you're upset about this.

It's probably me that should quit posting. I'm not making myself very clear and quite honestly am not making much sense even to myself. I'm sorry for any misunderstanding.. especially if you felt that I made assumptions about you that questioned your maturity.

[_sailgirl7]

Book of Mormon!

Hey there- I have to make myself more clear again- my last post wasn't directed at you- it was just for everyone in general- seriously I have no problem with anything you have said. I just wanted to post a general thing to try to clear things up for everyone-it wasn't meant to be towards you! :-) Thanks for putting up with me! You are awesome! :-)

[_barrelomonkeys]

Book of Mormon!

Hey there- I have to make myself more clear again- my last post wasn't directed at you- it was just for everyone in general- seriously I have no problem with anything you have said. I just wanted to post a general thing to try to clear things up for everyone-it wasn't meant to be towards you! :-) Thanks for putting up with me! You are awesome! :-)

Oh GEEZZ! See what I mean?


BONKERS!

I'm going to go sit in the corner now.

Seriously. Ignore me.

[_sailgirl7]

Oh GEEZZ! See what I mean?


BONKERS!

I'm going to go sit in the corner now.

Seriously. Ignore me.

Me too! I'll join you in that corner! :-)

[_Runtu]

Oh GEEZZ! See what I mean?


BONKERS!

I'm going to go sit in the corner now.

Seriously. Ignore me.

Me too! I'll join you in that corner! :-)

Well, I'm glad both of you are posting. You're good people, and I've appreciated hearing your perspectives.