healing/recovery through venting?

[_Sam Harris]

To answer the initial post:

First of all, Wade, you seriously need a reality check. Comparing people who disagree with any tenet of the Mormon church to anti-Semites is rediculous. I personally still have LDS friends, and not once have I engaged them in any battle with regards to the church. If they are happy where they are, may God continue to bless them in that direction. If they're not, then they need to find out why.

I've only visited RFM a few times, but found no use for it. The dynamic of the board just didn't suit me. Perhaps it was the turnover there. I like boards where I can get to know the posters as much as the environment will allow. I have developed relationships with people I've posted with over the years that have come to bless me exceedingly. Moksha is a prime example of that. How many years now, friend?

With regards to venting, when I was LDS, I did that a lot. My main source of anger was feeling like I couldn't escape what I felt was imprisoning me. The day I got my "release letter", the anger ceased. However, I have no LDS kin, my friends are more concerned with my living a happy and moral life than with seeing me be Mormon (well, most of them), and the elders have (FINALLY) left me the hell alone. They called and asked for appointments up until the last minute.

I vented because I was not allowed to just talk. I got angry because my initial entreaties were met with character asassinations and broad assumptions about my mental health, sexuality, motives.... All I wanted were answers, and all I got was nonsense. Wade, people vent because folks like you have it all down packed in your little minds, so you won't listen.

People vent when folks don't want to listen.

Wade, from personal experience, I have quite a few situations in my life where I can't vent. I can't say anything. Every time I try I am met with arguments and drama, and I'm tired of that, so I've just left things as they are, but it's painful. I was raised in a situation where so much as LOOKING LIKE YOU DISAGREED would get your behind beat. A frown got you a slap on the face, and the first time I "talked back" to my mother, I was on my knees before her, begging for her to just listen. I have to comunicate with letters, which I haven't done in years, because it does no good. What has that produced? A home in which we tiptoe around each other, doors closed, no dialogue, we don't even eat at the same table, because I can't speak my mind, she's not ready to hear it, and she knows that if she strikes me again I'll probably do her irreperable harm. Sad? Hell yes. Could this have been avoided had we been allowed to hash it out just once? Definitely. But she ran, just like TBMs run from folks who just want to talk about it.

There is nothing wrong with the expression of anger. There is something sick in abuse of all forms, and also emotional repression.

I buried someone close to me today. One of the few people who could say to me "I love you". As I sat there and wept, I looked back on my father's death. In my family, death leaves unfinished business...why? Because we can't talk about it. There are folks in my family like you, Wade, ready to blacklist the first person who speaks up and says, "um, I'm not comfortable with this". Sad, really. It's gotten so bad that we're not even spending Christmas together. Skeletons in closets are pouring out, and the elephant in the living room is so big that it has crowded 70 people out of my aunt's 8,000 square foot house this year.

And why again, should people not vent? So TBMs can go on with the psychological masturbation that is being the most supreme race of folks on earth, simply because of what building they walk into each week?

Whatever. As Whitney said, crack is whack.

Make sure that's snow you're messing with this Christmas.

[_Sam Harris]

Hey Runtu,

Life is good right now. I'm grieving, but I'm blessed. Back in school finally, I decided to pursue a degree in religious studies. We'll see where life takes me on this journey. I've found a new church home, though getting out there is difficult at times. It's 20 miles from my house and with two jobs, school, and no car, I'm often stranded on that day. Still, when I go, I am welcomed back with open arms. I used to sing on the praise and worship team there, and they call me the "prodigal daughter"...all in jest, of course. They smile at me and talk about bringing out the fatted calf and their best robes, LOL.

My job just gave me a raise, and I'm looking to buy a new car in the new year. If I can do that, my old job will go back "full time" (technically I worked 15 days out of the month, but sporadically, and I often stayed overnight), and that'll be extra cash. I feel prospered. I feel grateful. Some things haven't changed, but thank God my spirituality and perspective have. I'm hoping to have a merry, spirit-filled Christmas, and to give as much as I feel God has given me this year.

How are you?

[_Runtu]

Hey Runtu,

Life is good right now. I'm grieving, but I'm blessed. Back in school finally, I decided to pursue a degree in religious studies. We'll see where life takes me on this journey. I've found a new church home, though getting out there is difficult at times. It's 20 miles from my house and with two jobs, school, and no car, I'm often stranded on that day. Still, when I go, I am welcomed back with open arms. I used to sing on the praise and worship team there, and they call me the "prodigal daughter"...all in jest, of course. They smile at me and talk about bringing out the fatted calf and their best robes, LOL.

My job just gave me a raise, and I'm looking to buy a new car in the new year. If I can do that, my old job will go back "full time" (technically I worked 15 days out of the month, but sporadically, and I often stayed overnight), and that'll be extra cash. I feel prospered. I feel grateful. Some things haven't changed, but thank God my spirituality and perspective have. I'm hoping to have a merry, spirit-filled Christmas, and to give as much as I feel God has given me this year.

How are you?

I'm fine, thank you, and I'm glad things are going better for you. I think I was still Johnny_cat over on FAIR when you were around. And to think I was trying to help you stay in the church. sheesh. Anyway, I hope you have a great Christmas too. I plan on having one.

[_beastie]

That wasn't my response. It was harmony's. You ought to rethink who said what.

Tell me you can't be this clueless.

Wade, Harmony made that statement because of your assertion that exbelievers' loss of faith is their own fault.

GIMR -

Crack is Whack!!!

I love it! All the lengthy posts we've written for wade, and you summed up what he really needed to hear in three words. ;)

[_Sam Harris]

LOL!

We tell people that all the time where I live. Sadly, no one listens.

Here's some help for Wade:



Fundamentalists Anonymous

We're here for you, Wade. As much psychological support as you have offered us? Pshaw! How could we not care?

[_truth dancer]

This morning as I was reading my latest AHP (Association for Humanistic Psychology), magazine which I received yesterday, there was an interesting article about support groups for depression...

The author, Douglas Bloch (pg 17) lists how group members have described the benefits of being in the group:

It is a place where I am heard and listened to
Hearing others stories helps me realize I am not alone
Listening to people's stories gives me hope.
I can express my pain and have it validated by others.
The group provides a format to connect with people who UNDERSTAND what I am going through because they are there-or have been there.
This is the family I never had.
Joining this depression support group has made my recovery possible.

I think many people who have been through a difficult time would concur with at least some of these thoughts.

~dancer~

[_Runtu]

This morning as I was reading my latest AHP magazine which I received yesterday, there was an interesting article about support groups for depression...

The author, Douglas Bloch (pg 17) lists how group members have described the benefits of being in the group:

It is a place where I am heard and listened to
Hearing others stories helps me realize I am not alone
Listening to people's stories gives me hope.
I can express my pain and have it validated by others.
The group provides a format to connect with people who UNDERSTAND what I am going through because they are there-or have been there.
This is the family I never had.
Joining this depression support group has made my recovery possible.

I think many people who have been through a difficult time would concur with at least some of these thoughts.

~dancer~

That sounds remarkably similar to what I quoted earlier, and I would imagine most of the bitter souls on RfM would say the same thing.

For me, RfM was a welcome refuge where I could safely talk about things that hurt. People like Wade have no idea what it's like to finally realize you aren't alone and that other people understand and can help you get through a horrible time in your life. Thank God for "scumbag central."

[_wenglund]

Would it surprise you all to learn that, in a way, I believe all the venting and grief expressed towards the gospel of love makes perfect sense?

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

[_truth dancer]

No Wade.

I think we all realize that the venting and grief makes sense to you. The reason for the venting and grief is what is at issue, in my opinion.

~dancer~

[_Runtu]

Would it surprise you all to learn that, in a way, I believe all the venting and grief expressed towards the gospel of love makes perfect sense?

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

No, Wade, it wouldn't. Why would you think it would?