Jersey Girl wrote: ↑Tue May 18, 2021 3:30 am
SaturdaysVoyeur wrote: ↑Tue May 18, 2021 2:55 am
Have you ever seen those obnoxious "Rape Prevention Tips"? They're often contradictory and virtually impossible to live by. They dramatically restrict women's lives and activities (as if the threat of rape is
our problem, so we have to rearrange our entire lives to "prevent" it). And they ignore the actual circumstances of the vast majority sexual assaults (usually perpetrated by a spouse, partner, or friend), so these "tips" don't even work.
Some examples include: Don't go anyplace by yourself (like I want or need a 24/7 babysitter). Don't go outside at night, even in your own yard (tricky during the winter when the sun sets while I'm still at work, plus my dog is going to piss in the house). Don't walk through parking garages. Don't walk near anyplace where someone could be hiding, like near parked cars. Don't talk on your phone, so as to be aware your surroundings. Look confident! (Because no one has ever raped a woman with a power strut!)
And those are the semi-sane ones. Some of them get truly nutty, like the old chestnut of carrying your car keys between your fingers (apparently to poke the would-be rapist into submission). Don't post any identifying information about yourself on social media. (Sorry, Mom, you don't get to see pics of the grandkids, because there might be a rapist stalking me on Facebook!) Never carry a purse, but always hide anything valuable. (I guess I have to hide that phone I'm not supposed to be using in my cleavage.)
I literally could not live my life if I attempted to abide by even some of this garbage. authority on that. I don't think that's too big of an ask.
I thought you were going strong right up to this point.
Is this your version of making an argument? You
literally couldn't live your life if you attempted to live by even some of those precautions? You're joking, right?
Grandma can't get kids pics unless they're posted to Facebook? You don't have email or text messages? No Facebook privacy settings or messenger? You've never carried your cell phone in your bra? Ever? Do you walk through parking garages alongside parked cars? Do you have an alarm on your key fob?
You act as though everyone else is responsible for your personal safety except for you. Do you feel the same about defensive driving practices? Do you lock your doors at night?
What, if any, personal safety precautions
are you willing to take?
Really? So, you pluck out the most frivolous of the "rape prevention tips" I happened to mention (I found one website with 195 of them!!), and you're using
that as though I meant I would physically perish without Facebook? Oh, c'mon...that is SO transparently intellectually dishonest. It's beneath you.
But, ok, I said I would respond to questions, so if you
really think this one requires some clarification:
For starters, I don't bother with any "personal safety precautions" that don't work. They have to address the most prevalent hazards involved with actual results. ("Personal safety precautions" is a phrase that
you threw in there out of thin air. That's not what these are and you know it, because it was the whole point of my post that you're replying to. They're specifically billed as "rape prevention tips.")
Stranger rape is exceptionally rare. A woman is much more likely, by orders of magnitude, to be sexually assaulted by her spouse or partner. The chances of a rapist jumping out at me from underneath a parked car is approximately zero. Just as I wouldn't attempt to protect myself from extreme temperatures by spraying myself down with insect repellent, I'm not going to attempt to protect myself from violence with silly theatrics.
So, #1: There needs to be a reasonable connection between the safety precautions I'm willing to take and the hazard I'm aiming to prevent.
Second, I'm unwilling to apply a "cure" that would have a far greater net negative effect on my quality of life than the "disease." Of course, you knew perfectly well that I wasn't suggesting I would die without Facebook. (And oddly enough, I don't even use Facebook, so you picked an inapplicable "tip" to try to score that cheap point.) But why should you have to give up social media if you want to use it? Do you really believe that's gonna keeps the rapists at bay?
Seriously, how
would you go about your life if you attempted to apply even a handful of the other ones I mentioned? You can't go anyplace where you're going to be alone, or if you are, you must bring someone else with you. Of course, the person you choose to bring with you might
be the rapist, but let's not let logic interfere with the idiocy of this.
I remember some years back, somebody was trying to argue these "rape prevention tips" with me, and when I pointed out that the friend you might choose for your Personal Pussy Protector could actually be a violent person. She---and, yes, it was a woman; internalized misogyny is real, y'all!---she replied that it would STILL be my fault, because I should have chosen better friends. Wow.
Moving on. So, you cannot go outside at night, even into your own yard. And how exactly are you going to get to and from your car if you can't go through any parking garages
and can't walk alongside parked cars on the street? Oh, and you can't carry any purses or bags. And no talking on your cell phone; it might distract from your awareness of all the rapists!
This crap is bonkers. It circumscribes a woman's activities to a level more closely associated with Pakistan or Yemen. Both of which, incidentally, have very high rates of sexual assault. (See #1: This crap doesn't work.)
Most importantly, I wouldn't even entertain any "safety tips" that are entirely, 100%, somebody else's goddamn responsibility and for which I have no responsibility and no ability to prevent. I mean, tell me, Jersey Girl: How much responsibility
should I have for not getting raped?
Like, say, I go outdoors after dark (I
am kind of a hussy like that!), is that, like 20% my fault then? If I go outdoors after dark BY MYSELF
is rape more like 40% my fault? Your math here simply fascinates me....or, horrifies me, really....echoes of "The Handmaid's Tale"....
Now, to answer your LITERAL question (since your Facebook thing was literal to the point of silliness to begin with): I like to do a lot of extreme camping. In that context, I utilize
a lot of safety precautions. At least 1.5 gallons of water per day. Several changes of clothing and extra socks. At least one day's extra food. Appropriate footwear, a compass, first aid, rain shield, a headlamp, extra batteries. I give someone back home my expected GPS coordinates, my expected return date, and the telephone number for search and rescue.
Now, I suspect you know perfectly well what the difference is here: All of those safety precautions ARE my responsibility and within my control. "Preventing" someone from raping me is neither my responsibility nor within my control.
I thought at first you were just trolling me, but I'm getting concerned here that you're actually not, and that's messed up. Do I act like whether or not I get raped is the total responsibility of someone other than me? Abso-“F”-ing-lute-ly, I do!
I take responsibility for the things I can and should take responsibility for. Do you seriously think that rape is EVER the responsibility of the victim? Like, if I do walk in a parking garage I'm askin' for it? Or at least I'm kinda to blame because I wasn't being "safe"? Do you honestly not see the difference between locking my door versus drastically restricting my life in order to lock away my vagina?
Here, I'll give you an example that might make this clearer, 'cause you're seriously starting to scare me: You lock your house to deter strangers from coming in, right? So do I.
Sexual assault is more like if you gave your house keys to a trusted friend while you went out of town, and while you were gone, your friend robbed you blind. Would you consider yourself to blame for having trusted your friend to watch your house? Would you (like the woman I talked to years ago) say it's your own fault because you just should have chosen better friends?
I'll turn your question around back to you: To what extent, if any, is rape ever the rapist's fault? And how much are you willing to not live your life to try to "prevent" something that is not your doing and not your responsibility?
Avoiding parking garages and never being alone and never going outside after dark isn't going to protect you from the statistically most likely culprit: Your husband or partner.
I don't quite understand why women are so eager to gulp down blame for sexual violence, except that it does provide a false sense of security.
It won't happen to me if I just do everything right, if I just take every precaution.
But it can and does happen, even if you could do everything right and could take every precaution. That still doesn't ever make it your fault in any way, shape, or form. Ever. Period.
