What Repels Mormons, make it Funny

[_maklelan]

I think it's more true to say that taking simplistic jabs at caricatures of the church as a whole is what some find humourous.

I can see that. Good point.

[_marg]

I'd like to see a shed of evidence that I have ever made out anyone who wasn't Mormon to be "immoral".

I'll bold for you:


Root-te-toot, Root-te-toot
Root-te-toot, Root-te-toot

We are the exmos from Katmandu
We drink and smoke and snort that stuff
Our eyes are red and our brains are fluff.

Root-te-toot, Root-te-toot
Men with earrings and high heel shoes.
pins and needles and nipple clamps
A picture of Kinsey on our postage stamps.

Root-te-toot, Root-te-toot
That spacious building is a real hoot.
The wine is flowing, the good times roll
But the spraypaint in my hair sure takes its toll

Root-te-toot, Root-te-toot
How we love the taste of forbidden fruit
Wandering down those strange dark roads
That iron rod's just a useless load

Root-te-toot, Root-te-toot
Gonna cross that gulf to that forbidden fruit.
I'll eat tofu and wear earth shoes
And watch the Playboy channel while my daughters cruise.

Root-te-toot, Root-te-toot
They're the exmo daughters from Katmandu
Their hair is teased, their earrings many
And tattoos in places so uncanny

Root-te-toot, Root-te-toot
We don't like church or the Institute.
We'll save the world from Ronald Reagan
And ban the sale of eggs and bacon.

Now this is the sorry tale of woe
Of a spacious building and stepped on toes
Built not on sand but in the air
Well at least I'll be high when I tease my hair!


Slack Scratch Fever (Hey, its Friday Niiiiiiiiiiight!"

Its Friday night and its just impossible to take this place seriously, so here goes (tune up your stack of Marshalls, break out the Dad's, and crank it up!)


Well I don't know where he came from
But he came on strong
He's set his sights on me
He's an anti-Mormon man
On a mission you see,
Disingenuously

He's got the slack scratch fever
Slack scratch fever.

He's got chutzpa and he musta
been a difficult child
His education didn't go well
He went to see the doctor
Tried to get his head straight
But Wade said "Scratch, what the Hell?"

You give me slack scratch fever
Slack scratch fever.
He's just an exmo Reaver
Slack scratch fever

He's so tendentious
He feels no shame
He may ne-never change
You know you got it
And you can spot it
When what he says seems sane, sane
Its an endless verbal game

(Guitar solo while inebriated exmo woman through Victoria Secrets undergarments at the stage)

Well he dances and he prances
And he twiists in the wind
And we just do what we can
To make him feel better
When he hoists his petard
And falls down flat on his...grass

He gives us slack scratch fever
Slack scratch fever.
I'll need some Smirnoff later
Slack Scratch Fever.

Exmos Just Want To Have Fun (Harmony made me do it...)
I get mad, when Packer speaks
When he talks about those tattoos and those Gen X geeks
Oh Mr. Quinn why must we be on the run
And exmos just want Old Testament have fun
Oh exmos want to have fun

The phone rings while I'm teasing my hair
Its Sonja Johnson screaming "Patriarchy's not fair!"
But its over Sonja now your hair's in a bun
And exmos they want to have fun
Oh exmos want to have fun

That's all they really want
Some fun
When the bitter day is done
exmos they want to have fun
exmos just want to have fun

Scratch, Vegas, and Harmony
They've got popcorn popping on a Hemlock tree
They always think they have a smoking gun
But exmos aren't much fun
Even though they want to have fun

That's all they really want
Some Rum
When the nashing teeth are done
Exmos they want to have fun
Oh exmos just want to have fun,
They want to have Rum,
They want to have fun...


And with this one the person lives a double life, not a good clean obedient Mormon.

SCMC (I warned you Scratch...)
Mormon, What you trying to do
I said, Mormon, now we're following you
I said, Mormon, for the cause of the truth
You can't run or hide because your're a

Mormon, now we know where you live
I said, Mormon, and how much tithing you give
And now, Mormon, better watch what you say
Its almost excommunication day

And now your runnin' from the S-C-M-C
You had a run in with the S-C-M-C

They know everything about the things that you feel
And if you post they'll make you squeel

And now your runnin' from the S-C-M-C
They'll push your buttons they're the S-C-M-C

You can read dialog and then watch Girls Gone Wild
But they'll be watching you all the while...

Mormon, are you listenting to me?
I said, Mormon, there's nowhere you can flee
I said Mormon, better listen to Boyd
Oh they'll make you paranoid

You've got tattoos, on your legs and your arms
And a woman with Babylonian charms
And now the Priesthood, is gonna see that you pay
Why should they wait 'till judgement day

Now you're messing with the S-C-M-C
You'll be confessing to the S-C-M-C

They know everything about the things that you feel
And if you post they'll make you squeel

And now your runnin' from the S-C-M-C
They'll push your buttons they're the S-C-M-C

You can read dialog and then watch Girls Gone Wild
But they'll be watching you all the while...

Mormon, are you starting to cry?
They're gonna put you in a white shirt and tie
The Morg will have you eating out of their hand
Or they'll cut you off and then

You'll be an exmo roaming over the land
You'll be an exmo with a house built of sand
So you better play a real good hand
With the S-C-M-C priesthood man

And now your runnin' from the S-C-M-C
You had a run in with the S-C-M-C

They know everything about the things that you feel
And if you post they'll make you squeel

We know you gave in to the S-C-M-C
They're always tapin' at the S-C-M-C

They've got a dossier on everything that you say
So you better start to pray

And then come meet me at the Y-M-C-A...


Cha cha cha.

[_Fortigurn]

I have to say, that's a good example marg.

[_OUT OF MY MISERY]

1. Red Jello
2. People without name tags
3. People that do not call everyone sister and brother ( well actually that would be how you would tell a who a Mormon is)
4. R-rated movies. Even the really good scary ones
5. Hillary CLinton
6. Athiests
7. Green doors
8. Talk about magic hats
9. Me. At least I try my best.
10. Not this message board.

[_marg]

previously:
Why do those lists hurt? Coggins was writing poems and making it out that anyone who wasn't Mormons was immoral..they were all alcoholics, adulterers etc. And I'm sure this is something he truly believes. And he's not the only Mormon I've seen that attitude from. What on those lists is so offensive and why?

So two wrongs make a right? Or is it that if he's allowed to do it then why can't you?

Neither, it hasn't been established yet that the list is offensive. That's why I asked.

I'm not really offended by anything on this list, but much of it does betray a reductionist point of view and a generalizing perspective, and I find those two proclivities to be incredibly harmful to someone's reputation as a brilliant rhetorician and scholar (which everyone on this board purports to be).

Huh..you aren't really offended? That answers my question. The list doesn't create a stereotype. A stereotype exists as a reflection of reality. If there wasn't any truth to any item on the list..there'd be no humor associated with that item.

What these lists do is make me think that they don't really understand Mormonism half as well as they claim to. Any idiot can read a website and memorize quotes about how shifty and low the Mormons are, but it takes someone with a real brain to be able to recognize when things on the surface do not accurately represent the issues.

The list would be meaningless, not at all humorous if there was no truth to whatever was on a list. If people don't understand Mormonism that's reality..but it's not offensive.

If some people are finding the list funny...why is that? If the items on the list are offensive and Mormons don't partake of these items...coffee, beer, tatoos etc...then what is the problem?

The rest of your post seemed to be an analysis of what on the list was funny or not. People can't be told what is funny, they either find something funny or they don't.

[_Coggins7]

Thanks marg, for resurrecting some of my best work here for thsoe who may have missed it. As I said, this stuff contains, from my point of view both exaggerations and truth. Indeed, one might say that good satire exaggerates some core truths about a person, group, class, or phenomena.

Since the consensus here seems to be that its only whose sacred cows get gored that really matters, then I really don't see what your all in a huff about (except for the fact that, as in al things secualr, only the Annointed get to poke fun, ridicule, and mock. When the Behighted do it back, well, that's just not done. You don't sas your betters...)

I know how this game of morla oneupsmanship works. TBSs are supposed to play coy and submit to diresion, parody, and biting satire of their sacred beliefs. When a Mormon derides, parodies, and satires thier profane, secualr beliefs, or lampoons the various presenting problems and rationalizations for their apostasy, all holy living Hell breaks loose. Tears stream down faces. Cries of anguish are heard throughout the land. Those in the great and spacious building suddenly become moralists and gaurdians of Sermon on The Mount rectitude. Its an amazing lycanthropic transformation that everyone should have a chance to see.

[_Fortigurn]

I know how this game of morla oneupsmanship works. TBSs are supposed to play coy and submit to diresion, parody, and biting satire of their sacred beliefs. When a Mormon derides, parodies, and satires thier profane, secualr beliefs, or lampoons the various presenting problems and rationalizations for their apostasy, all holy living Hell breaks loose. Tears stream down faces. Cries of anguish are heard throughout the land. Those in the great and spacious building suddenly become moralists and gaurdians of Sermon on The Mount rectitude. Its an amazing lycanthropic transformation that everyone should have a chance to see.

Cogs, this is so absurd it's ridiculous. No such thing has happened. Can you give me the number of posts in which I can read 'cries of anguish' and 'all holy living Hell breaks loose' upon reading your satirical posts? Round it up to the nearest 50. Face it, most of the non-Mormons here couldn't care less about the satire you write. I do, because I don't think Christians should engage in polemic satire, but you'll find that most of the non-Mormons here have responded overwhelmingly positively to your satirical posts, and haven't objected to them in the least.

On the contrary, what marg has demonstrated is that you have felt entirely free to satirize non-Mormons, and yet have objected strenuously when non-Mormons have satirized Mormons.

[_Bryan Inks]

30. The possibility that Jesus drank wine and not Welsh's Grape Juice.

The last one is just stupid. I'm sure there are a couple of Latter-day Saints out there who say this, but they're a pretty slim minority and they usually get corrected quick enough. Why would someone be fine with Joseph Smith drinking wine, but not with Jesus doing it? The real explanation that Latter-day Saints use is that everyone drank wine because it had a sterilizing quality. Not only is this one one dumb, but it's Welch's, not Welsh's.

Except most Mormons don't even know that Joseph Smith drank wine. And Bond didn't point out anything I hadn't heard in Sunday School while growing up.

"Oh, Jesus didn't really drink wine. The term 'wine' back then was used to describe unfermented grape juice." is something I think we have all heard at some point or another.

From here on out the any attempt at being humorous is merely a false pretense for getting to take simplistic jabs at caricatures of the church as a whole.

So now you get to make rules, huh? Pretty cool when you're God, isn't it?

[_Coggins7]

I just thought I should point out that the tactic marg is using here is that of attempting to claim that my satirical song lyrics or poens are, on my part, an attempt to actually make serious sociological claims about exmormons or anti-Mormons as a group.

Whle this is not the case (and if I were to do that, I would do that with a serious agument, not a parodical poem or song), it is the case that with the active, comitted, and aggressive exmormons and antis I've met on this forum and several others, the core attributes ascribed to the charcters in my songs and poems does have the ring of truth to them as a class (although not to individual members per se).

And in any case marg, I can, very frankly, only take much of what is argued and clamed in forums such as this seriously for so long without needing to throw a flash/ bang grenade into the room to break up the unrelenting seriousness with which so many of these people take themselves.

I further think that, until the Internet, comitted critics of the church were the ones doing all the parody, all the satire, and all the cartoonish characterizations of the church, its people, its leaders, and its beliefs, and that the real truth is that now, when the field is wide open and discussion can proceed in real time across the world at one's fingertips, they can't take what they were dishing out for generations before.

They're just crying over the milk that they themselves spilled long ago.

[_Fortigurn]

I just thought I should point out that the tactic marg is using here is that of attempting to claim that my satirical song lyrics or poens are, on my part, an attempt to actually make serious sociological claims about exmormons or anti-Mormons as a group.

I'm sorry, where did marg say that? That's certainly not the impression I've received from what marg wrote.

I further think that, until the Internet, comitted critics of the church were the ones doing all the parody, all the satire, and all the cartoonish characterizations...

That is demonstrably untrue.

...they can't take what they were dishing out for generations before.

* Who do we have on this forum was around dishing that stuff out 'generations before', prior to the birth of the Internet?

* Who here has said they can't take it - please name at least 6 posters