I will try not to offend!

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_David A. Bednar
_Emeritus
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Post by _David A. Bednar »

Mr. Coffee wrote:
The Dude wrote:
Your brother, as always, in the harness.


In the what? I have never heard this expression before.


I think it's some sort of BDSM reference, Dude. Be afraid, be very afraid...


Mr. Coffee, my dear brother/sister,

Only the wicked need be afraid of the truth. Perhaps you should think long and hard about that.

You should reconsider your choice of avatars, for one. And your language on these boards is anything but representative of one who is living gospel principles.

What happened to you? How were you offended? Did someone make fun of your tie? or tell you to shave your beard? Let's get down to the root of the problem and set you on a course of repentence so that you may receive all the Lord has in store for you and your loved ones.

Deal?

Your brother in the harness and blinders, yeah, even one of the 15 of the Quorum of the 12,

Elder David A. Bednar
_David A. Bednar
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Re: I will try not to offend!

Post by _David A. Bednar »

desert_vulture wrote:
Jason Bourne wrote:
If I put this delicately I would say that "your gift of discernment is not providing you with accurate information." But for effect, and hopefully to influence you, I will say it bluntly. "David, you head is squarely up your ass." I know the truth is hard to bear. I do not have to "come back" to the "fold" for I never left. I am the gospel doctrine teacher in my ward, and am a home teacher. My Bishop's gift of discernment is also gone on vacation,


NO WAY DV!!! You teach GD in your ward!!?? How do you do it?


Yeah, I have to admit it's pretty tough sometimes. I believe in the core Christian values, and focus on them primarily. Love, charity, compassion, forgiveness, and friendship. I try to apply the lessons from the Sermon on the Mount to everything. Amazingly, it works. I rarely teach from the manual, other than following the topic. I do it my way and nobody minds. Its pretty envigorating really, to give a lesson to a bunch of TBMs, start their wheels turning in ways they never have, and get thanked for it afterwards. It's never boring, there is 100% participation, and I never get through half of my material. I have to admit, I am a chameleon. Some would say I'm a hypocrite. I don't really give a damn what bloggernacle/RfM types think. I'm a NOM, pure and simple. Some Sundays I really have to psyche up before teaching, because the apostate part of me wants to give the entire lesson from JoD or Studies of the Book of Mormon. What motivates me is that I have a lot of very good friends in the ward, and I want to get them thinking. If I can get them thinking more, then I have accomplished my goal. If they can question things themselves, and come to a better understanding then I believe I have helped them in their lives. I focus on the good in the church, as I teach. I give them apostate milk before apostate meat. Most of them will never be prepared for the meat. None of the discussions are ever as in-depth as what we can do online, but face to face interaction is enjoyable for me as well. I hope that answers your question. I didn't want the calling but the Bishopric felt inspired to call me. Imagine that? I asked them point blank if it was an inspired calling, and I was told "Yes". (Imagine my surprize!) Lunatics in charge of the assylum I tell you..


My dear brother deseret_vulture:

What can I say? We're on to you.

What motivates me is that I have a lot of very good friends in the ward, and I want to get them thinking. If I can get them thinking more, then I have accomplished my goal. If they can question things themselves, and come to a better understanding then I believe I have helped them in their lives.


This is a satan-inspired motivation. Who would be so deceptive with their friends? Certainly not Brother Joseph. Certainly not Brother Brigham. Certainly not our dear Prophet today, Gordon B. Hinckley.

I challenge you to find even one act of deception in their lives and teachings!

If you can do it, I will eat my blinders and perhaps even drop out of the harness. But, I know you can't do it, so I can make this challenge without fear or trepidation. Prove my words.

In the harness and blinders, your fellow brother, Elder David A. Bednar
_David A. Bednar
_Emeritus
Posts: 134
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Post by _David A. Bednar »

marg wrote:
David A. Bednar wrote: To my dear sister, Marg. Stay away from our young ones. With your arguments about Joseph Smith being a nighttime sheep stealer, we wouldn't have any kids, to grow up into tithe-payers, would we? And then how would we continue to buy nice real estate and build beautiful temples?


You don't have to worry David, even if members stopped paying tithes, the church still has billions in assets, in particular investments and businesses bringing in revenues such that it could continue for quite some time, probably centuries without receiving another dime from members. And since you say the world is going to end in the next 400 years, perhaps it's an idea to stop requesting 10 % tithes and give the members a break in their present life. You guys, supposedly take in over 6 billion dollars a year. I don't think you could spend that even it you tried. No wonder you are into buying malls, businesses and real estate. But again what do you need it for, if the world is going to end soon. Unless of course you think you can take money to another world and they will accept the currency. I'm not sure how deluded your thinking is.

Restt assured though, your organization is financially secure,. If you play your cards right you'll have a good paying job for life. You do get paid by the church don't you? I think I read somewhere that businesses as a whole in the U.S. give more money as a percentage of their earnings to charity than the Mormon church does. So you guys must be socking it away, do you think you're going to surpass the Catholic church one day in financail wealth?

by the way, I'm very impressed , you really do read posts on this board and have an excellent grasp of what various posters are saying. So you think the reason the church is losing people is because they've been offended? I was thinking it might be because people are becoming better informed.


My dear sister thorn-in-our-sides, Marg,

I am glad you are impressed. I am trying always to magnify my calling.

Yes, I do get paid by the Church. Is that a surprise to you? It shouldn't be. To tell you the truth, however, I don't even know how much the church has at the present time. But it is not enough to stop calling our dear brothers and sisters to toilet cleaning positions in their respective branches, wards, and stakes.

Isn't it a marvelous thing that our members are willing to serve with all their hearts, minds, and strength to building up the kingdom by taking on such tasks as cleaning toilets? Tell me, can you, what other church has such willing members who without questioning and murmering do what we ask them to do? (Great will be their reward, just as the Lord has promised.)

That's right! You can't.

Even I would be willing to do such callings, if, that is, I had the time. But, alas, I have other important responsibilities to fulfill. Division of labor is a wonderful thing, isn't it. But, be assured, all callings, from toilet cleaning to apostleship, come from the Lord. They are all equally necessary and important in building up the kingdom of God in these, yes, even these latter-days when the Lord is surely to come again in all his glory.

I know these things to be true. Such a witness burns within me. Come back to us, my dear sister. Think how wonderful it would be if you could teach our children and students how to think, the Lord's way. You have special talents, not to be squandered on these discussion boards where your talents are so undervalued.

As always, my door is open.

Your brother in blinders and harness, Elder David A. Bednar.
_marg

Post by _marg »

David, are there toilets in your heaven, do people continue to pay tithing, wear clothes, wash, eat, sleep? Do people have t'v's, computers, listen to music, go skiing? Or do people sit around all day and night talking and if so what do they talk about?

David A. Bednar wrote:
I know these things to be true. Such a witness burns within me.


You might want to try pantoloc, it's good for heart burn. You should check with your doctor.
_moksha
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Post by _moksha »

Dear Elder Bednar,

I have some gold fillings still left in my mouth, from the old days. What should I do? By the way, my burro is sick and the village priest says it is going to die any day now. Is there any magic your young men who come around to my village have that could fix my Serafina?

Juan Moksha Valdez
Cry Heaven and let loose the Penguins of Peace
_The Dude
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Post by _The Dude »

David A. Bednar wrote:Your brother in blinders and harness, Elder David A. Bednar.


Blinders and harness. You wear them proudly.

I think Bond has shown some talent in the graphics department. Maybe he could help with some additions to your avatar....

Image
_marg

Post by _marg »

David A. Bednar wrote: Come back to us, my dear sister. Think how wonderful it would be if you could teach our children and students how to think, the Lord's way. You have special talents, not to be squandered on these discussion boards where your talents are so undervalued.




David, thank you so much for the compliment and it's very nice of you to ask me to join. Perhaps it is a good idea, but I think if I said some of the things which I've said on message boards, they'd likely physically throw me out onto the street. And I have that small problem of no god belief, no heaven belief, no hell belief and as you know I think Joseph was probably an atheist ..deist. You see, I'm sure that type of stuff just wouldn't go over very well with your brothers and sisters in blinders and harness. I know what you are probably thinking, how boring to not be into science fiction. And if so, you're probably right.
_David A. Bednar
_Emeritus
Posts: 134
Joined: Fri Mar 16, 2007 2:28 pm

Post by _David A. Bednar »

marg wrote:David, are there toilets in your heaven, do people continue to pay tithing, wear clothes, wash, eat, sleep? Do people have t'v's, computers, listen to music, go skiing? Or do people sit around all day and night talking and if so what do they talk about?

David A. Bednar wrote:
I know these things to be true. Such a witness burns within me.


You might want to try pantoloc, it's good for heart burn. You should check with your doctor.


Well, these are certainly good questions. Well, we will have servants in heaven, so I guess they have to be doing something. That should answer your question about the toilets. Which of course necessarily answers the questions about eating.

President McKay used to say that he believed that his favorite horse would be in heaven with him. Well, I am of the same persuasion. I love horses and I hope my dear "skunk" will be there when I get there. It would be great fun to ride him again.

And I imagine Kolob has some great ski runs. Of course, these are just my speculations. I am not making doctrine here. I am just trying to answer your questions honestly.

But, the grand principle and which our Brother Joseph paid for with his life was the principle of celestial marriage. That will be moving forward with great urgency. There are more worlds to be created and more children that will be created to people those worlds. Again, follow Brother BCSpace on this one. He sees the picture crystal clear. He is definitely being groomed for apostleship.

I spoke with my fellow apostle, Elder Nelson about that burning feeling. He said not to worry. It's the price we have to pay for being called as special witnesses. It seems to be a general condition with the brethren here, so I am feeling right at home. But, thank you for your tender concern on my behalf. May the Lord bless you. I can tell your heart is softening to my message. Come by and see me at the COB. I can give you a tour of the vault.

In peace and good will, your brother (skiing in Kolob), Elder David A. Bednar
_David A. Bednar
_Emeritus
Posts: 134
Joined: Fri Mar 16, 2007 2:28 pm

Post by _David A. Bednar »

The Dude wrote:
David A. Bednar wrote:Your brother in blinders and harness, Elder David A. Bednar.


Blinders and harness. You wear them proudly.

I think Bond has shown some talent in the graphics department. Maybe he could help with some additions to your avatar....

Image


My dear brother, the dude. Thank you for thinking of me. However, the harness you posted here is a little bit showy, even gaudy, if you know what I mean. Something more like what a Catholic would wear.

In keeping with President Hinckley's one-earring rule, I think something less pretentious would be in order. Maybe just one stud or maybe two or three at most. See what you can do.

I see you are back on the Church, er...I mean, the MA&D board. Tell charity hi from David. She is one sweet spirit, isn't she. Don't be too hard on her now. If you become Charity's friend, neither the gates of hell, nor Juliann will have any power over you.

You have never said anything about my invitation to sit and discuss what may have offended you. Remember, the door is always open. Contact Marg and you both can come down and see the vault. What do you think?

Hoping to be in a less pretentious harness soon, and, as always, your brother (one of the 15 of the 12).

Elder David A. Bednar
_David A. Bednar
_Emeritus
Posts: 134
Joined: Fri Mar 16, 2007 2:28 pm

Post by _David A. Bednar »

moksha wrote:Dear Elder Bednar,

I have some gold fillings still left in my mouth, from the old days. What should I do? By the way, my burro is sick and the village priest says it is going to die any day now. Is there any magic your young men who come around to my village have that could fix my Serafina?

Juan Moksha Valdez


My dear brother, Juan. I didn't know they had internet in those small back of the way villages where we send our missionaries to do their recruiting. If you have enough money for a computer and internet lines, I wouldn't worry too much about your dear burro. You can always get another one, right? Just remember, before it gets really sick, to stake it close to the vegetable garden. It will make for easier fertilizing.

About the gold? Was it expensive gold? The church will still take tithing-in-kind payments when one doesn't have cash, so I would suggest that you turn over your fillings to the Lord, through your bishop. I don't think he will accept your old burro, however.

By the way, are you in Columbia? We have some fine Saints all throughout Columbia. They seem to all be related to our dear brothers and sisters in Jamaica, where I often visit. The elders are always talking to each other on cell phones between the two countries. The fellowshipping program seems to be working well in the Latin American and Caribbean countries.

May I ask what your line of employment is in Columbia? Many of our brothers in Jamaica are looking for more work. Can you help them out in some way?

All the best to you Juan. Columbia is a fine place to be living in these, yes, even these latter-days. In the harness together,

Elder David A. Bednar
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