m going to try to give some help here, but please understand that I'm really short of time for the next two days, so I'm not going to be able to follow up much.
Here's how I do it.
I believe some basic things, God exists and is the father of my spirit and he loves me, that are untouchable for me. I no longer dwell on those basics; they are simply part of who I am. I make no excuses for my belief, nor do I try to win anyone else over to my belief. That is simply part of who I am. Everyone who knows me, know those beliefs are just part of me. Over the years, I have developed a relationship with God that I trust more than I trust anything else on this earth. I trust my link to God so that I know what is good for me and what isn't in every aspect of my life. As I've gotten older, I've learned to trust the link I have with God. I've also learned that I don't get to know what's good for someone else (been there, done that, have the burn marks on my heart to prove it).
As far as my religion, the LDS church, is concerned, my inner link tells me that Joseph started off fine, but he got off track with Fanny, and things went downhill from there. I cannot fight my link in order to change my view of Joseph's life. I tried that for a while, and paid the price. I am unwilling to do that ever again, the pain and disruption it caused me was so great. Very little of what Joseph did in the latter years of his life passes unfiltered through my link. So, I discard much of it. Since then, each prophet has done good things and bad things, all in the name of God. My link tells me that I don't have to support everything an individual prophet did, in order to maintain my belief in God. My belief in God in more important to me than the church. As long as the two don't collide, I can maintain my membership.
It's taken me a while to get to this place in my life. I once ran from pillar to post, trying to find a place that was holy (and therefore comfortable) for me. Now I make every place I stand a holy place. I suggest you find a way to make that which is most important toyou basic to your life, so that every place you stand is holy, and therefore comfortable, for you. Right now, I think you're searching for a holy place to stand, and you're uncomfortable and unable to come to terms with the things that are contradictory to your basics. What are you basics? What is the bottom line for you? Once you have established that, you can build on it. Maybe it means you leave the church because it feels too uncomfortable; maybe it means you stay, but on your own terms. But your vision of who you are and the basics of what you believe is what's important. If you remain true to yourself, you will find a way through the maze that is life.
Now you might as well be intellectually honest here, Harmony, and put all the cards on the table. Its not just your personal feelings and perceptions of what Joseph did or did not to regarding plural marriage (and again, there is not direct, compelling evidence regarding Alger. There are no corroborating primary or secondary sources for the alleged misconduct. You have nothing here but your link Harmony, nothing). You don't believe the foundational divine record of the church to the Gentiles and remnant of Joseph in our day, to be a historical document, which is pivotal to the core claims of the church as well as to its founding. You don't believe in a personal adversary (having called him a "myth" in a recent previous posting).
I'm just wondering what, outside of Joseph's alleged affairs and misdeeds, you do support as to church doctrine, practice, and teaching such that you could be called a Mormon in "good standing" were such known generally. Or better yet, what fundamental, basic doctrines of the church do you reject as false?
I'm speaking of basic, settled, foundational doctrines, not things on the periphery.