Beastie, I do think there is bigotry in many of the institutional statements, but I'm hesitant to say this in an environment like this. You'll notice I hardly ever start a thread here (even when I have time), and my commentary is limited. (Ditto for MAD, though I'd rather start a thread there than here.) Sometimes I think the commentary here is as bad a RFM - too negative, too cynical and sarcastic, and always denigrating Mormonism. Take a cheap shot anytime you can, seems to be the go. I don't mind threads like your analysis of Book of Mormon archaeology and associated problems, and I like discussing the challenges facing Mormonism. I'm afraid to say that all the negativity and constant denigrating of Mormons and Mormonism is just not my "cup of tea", and my empathy for exmos is slowly being reduced to zero. Ironically, the more negativity there is, the less I listen, and the less empathy I feel. If people can't make points without cheap shots, or having this stomach churning need to call Mormonism a fraud, and "old Joe" a charlatan, I would rather not comment. That may be their honest opinion, but it is not mine, and to me it's pointless trying to counter such sentiments.
Ray, I read your post this morning but didn’t have time to reply. In the interim, other people posted exactly the point I want to make to you.
You and I both live in the “mission field”, where the number of LDS is quite small. Neither being LDS nor apostatizing from the LDS church made one whit of difference in my life outside my family. Other than my closest friends, few people knew or cared. (other than perhaps wanting to save my soul) My social standing at work, with friends, was not affected at all.
I do have active LDS family (If I recall correctly, your family is not LDS, right?), but they are on the “liberal” side. It was initially difficult for them when I left but we all learned to deal with it and move on. We just don’t talk about it. Of course, that leaves a lot of important things unspoken, but I can live with that and so can they. I wasn’t risking a marriage worth saving (I didn’t know how my LDS husband would react to my apostasy, but it was not a marriage worth saving in the first place). It was frightening, nonetheless, in my mid-thirties to suddenly have to figure out life and my purpose in it, so it wasn’t easy or painless. I’m just saying that I didn’t pay a huge social cost.
But I do remember living in Utah while going to BYU and for a short period after my mission. Of course, BYU is unusual in its LDS obsessiveness, but there are certainly other parts in Utah that are almost as drenched in Mormonism. I student taught in a small suburb of SLC, and it was almost 100% Mormon. The church, activities in it, beliefs, were a constant part of the interactions between the teachers. Now if I had ended up living there, working there, my apostasy would have had a HUGE impact on me socially and maybe even professionally. The thought of suddenly being viewed with suspicion by your coworkers and even your boss makes me shudder. What a horrible environment to suddenly have to deal with. And of course, this says nothing of the familial systems that are seriously disrupted by apostasy. These people pay a huge price for their nonbelief. Their entire lives are impacted. It is these people, who live in an LDS dominated culture, who truly pay the price for this institutionalized bigotry.
Perhaps you cannot empathize with the extent of their anger and their need to vent in a “safe” place, but perhaps because I lived in Utah, I can. Think about it, Ray. Think about everyone in your life suddenly viewing you with suspicion because of what they’ve been taught about apostates from the cradle. Think about worrying if your spouse will leave you. Do you hide your disbelief? Many do. Yet that causes another set of problems.
You say the church is not going to change its tenets, but the fact is that the church has changed its teachings over the years. It evolves. It can evolve in this fashion as well. Until and unless it does, it will continue to produce broken families, broken social systems, because it is inevitable that people will continue to lose their faith - decent, sincere, intelligent people who tried their best to hang onto that faith, partly due to what they’d been taught from the cradle as well.
Is it really too much to ask that the leaders of the LDS church stop encouraging institutionalized bigotry against those who lose faith?
So much of what is brought up is resurrected from the past. And I don't disagree that sometimes it is relative to modern attitudes, but for the most part it's in the past. Like President Hinckley said, "it's behind us". Does anyone believe him? Polygamy is behind them (in reality that is); the black ban is behind them, and what Mark Petersen said in the 1950s is also behind them. Why does the past continually have to be dredged up?
It is dredged up for the reason that is the topic of this thread. When Mormons who have been taught from the cradle that the loss of faith is a sign of an evil or flawed character, then when they lose faith, they feel compelled to demonstrate that there were legitimate reasons for their loss of faith. If the LDS culture were not encouraged to view apostates as evil or flawed persons, this justification wouldn’t be necessary.
However, to the point about blame, and demonising people, specifically exmos. I think both parties are to blame. But what I think exmos need to understand is that the church isn't going to change its tenets. It is a restorationist movement with numerous scriptures which urge "crying repentance" to the world, it's a black and white view, "you are with us or against us", you are good or evil. Think of Nephi's "two churches", and Lehi's dream of the river of water, and the mockers in the "great and spacious building". The literary imagery is powerful, even though it creates a divide, and it purposely does so. Even if the Book of Mormon is rejected as history, it's spiritual tenets remain, and it does not only create a divide, but it urges compassion. In many places. "This life is the time to prepare to meet God." In my study of NDEs I continually see this, that life is a time to "improve our lot", but I don't believe the Book of Mormon tells us all. We are all either growing more compassionate and gaining worthwhile knowledge in this life, or we are going backwards, or maybe on the fence for many years. So my own belief system says nothing is stagnant, and God also "remembereth the heathen" (like me), and whatever my weaknesses are, I feel admiration for people who can "improve their lot", and I believe these good LDS values are totally in line with what NDErs say, minus bigotry. Bigtory is not helpful, nor is exclusiveness, but I try to look beyond that. I think bigotry is a symptom of spiritual immaturity. Brigham Young may have said some bigoted things, as you noted above, and he said things that were not at all in harmony with what the Book of Mormon teaches. President Kimball was very different, and anyone who has read his biography cannot fail to be moved by his compassion and love for people. So why don't we focus on people like Spencer W. Kimball, who is much closer to our time, instead of dredging up quotes from Brigham Young? Take the best out of Mormonism, because it has a lot to offer. I believe, with all its faults, and yes even bigotry, it is an inspired and revealed religion. As noted by many, some of the harshest recorded words of Jesus were directed to the religious clans and religious hypocrisy and pride. I believe the Book of Mormon has the very same message. And what it says relative to persecution should be noted by Mormons inclined to bigotry:
The LDS church is like any other religion, in that its holy texts and teachings of revered leaders tend to include mixed messages. Do we take care of our family or abandon them if called to by God? Do we love our enemies or attack them? It’s up to current leaders to speak out against the bigotry and violence that members can reasonably conclude are justified from past teachings and scriptures. Although I didn’t agree with all his points, I think Dawkins was right on the money when he made that assertion in his latest book The God Delusion.
As long as leaders, over the pulpit, continue to tell LDS that people only lose faith for certain reasons, and all of the reasons are connected to moral failings, then LDS will continue to look at their friends and family who leave the church with suspicion. So the cycle will continue. Of course exmormons are sometimes guilty of bigotry themselves. But there is no institutionalized bigotry, because there is no institution of exmormonism, just various internet sites where some exmormons vent. Moreover, as I tried to explain earlier, since we all began as LDS learning the same lessons from our leaders, it is within the LDS church that the cycle begins.