I will try not to offend!

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_Boyd_K_Packer
_Emeritus
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Post by _Boyd_K_Packer »

David A. Bednar wrote:My dear sister, Harmony (I love that name!),

You asked:
Where is Elder Bednar when we need him? I have a question. I'd like him to explain the 2nd Annointing.


Well, I will do my best to explain the second annointing for you.

The second annointing is an ordinance, performed only in the temple, any temple, by one designated by the Prophet to perform such ordinances.

When the Prophet receives revelation to do so, he will make it known to his faithful servants, always a husband and wife, to meet with him or one of his designates in the temple. This will be done by letter to that couple inviting them to meet the temple on a certain date at a certain time.

These couples have proved to the Lord, through their faithfulness in always paying a full-tithe (or more) and keeping every other commandment. Meeting with your friends to play your weekly bridge game will not keep you from receiving this letter.

The Prophet's chosen designate will ordain this couple and seal them up to come forth in the first resurrection, to be kings and queens in the Holy Quorum. Indeed, many are called, but few are chosen. Only a hand-picked few are ever blessed enough to receive this ordinance. New robes are given to these couples which they are to be dressed in for their funerals for when they pass from this earth they are known as the chosen faithful by these robes.

There is no reason to read one's patriarchal blessing ever again after this event because the ordinance supercedes all blessings and promises and seals them upon them. From this point on, unless one commits blasphemy against the Holy Ghost, no sins which they might commit will prevent them from entering the celestial kingdom.

The ordinance has at times been suspended and many have passed to the other side without a sure witness of the Lord's approval of their lives here on this earth.

Also, when one receives this ordinance, it is not the case, not the case, that one is guaranteed to see the Savior during their time on this earth. But, they will surely see His face, when they pass through the vail. It is up to the Lord when he chooses to visit these specially annointed servants.

All General Authorities have received this annointing.

Those who have received this annointing stand as special witnesses of "the name of Christ." Make no mistake here. Not special witnesses of Christ, but, rather, special witnesses of the name of Christ, as is written in the Church Handbook of Instructions. This is an important distinction and a recent change in the "doctrine" which few if any have noticed. It is a crucial distinction which must be understood.

Last, but not least, those who receive this annointing are told not to tell anyone else about this annointing (although most tell their children and grandchildren.) We are not happy about that, but what can we do. It is not such a great sin, which those who are annointed surely know. It must be a great blessing to these children and grandchildren to know that such an annointing is within reach of any worthy saint, although it certainly helps to know someone in the Quorum of the 15 or to be a descendant of the quorum of the 50, instituted in Nauvoo.

What more can I tell you? It is deep stuff, yeah, even one of the mysteries of the Kingdom.

As always your brother in harness and blinders, even Elder David A. Bednar, one of the 15 of the quorum of the 12.


My Dear Brother Bednar,

It saddens me to chastise you in a public forum such as this, but you have ignored my emails, and when I stopped by your office your secretary told me you were out sick today. by the way, it appears your secretary has ignored the commandment in the word of wisdom to eat meat sparingly. I feel sorry for her poor chair. You may politely suggest she use her lunch break to go for a jog rather than stuffing her pie hole with Big Macs. Be careful not to offend her, because although it is true that she is fat and ugly, it is not necessarily helpful for her to know this fact. Simply offer suggestions without necessarily telling her the truth, you know - milk before meat.

Now to more important issues. NEVER EVER DISCUSS THE SECOND ANOINTING. This is the type of behavior that can get you kicked out of the quorum of the twelve. I expect a written apology on my desk by end of business today. You will also be required to write "I will not discuss the second anointing on the internet." 100 times on my white board.

Second. As you know, General Conference is this weekend and as a General Authority you should be too busy to be goofing off on the computer. I read the rough draft of your talk, and to be quite honest, it stunk. I've seen better talks in my great-grandson's primary sharing time. I'd rather hear a child give a memorized testimony than listen to the vomit you puked up and called a talk. Here are some suggestions: Shamelessly kiss up to your superiors. If you want to get a pat on the back from Gordon when General Conference is over, talk about what a great Prophet he is. Don't call him the greatest ever, that's too much. Call him the second best after Joseph Smith. Spend a lot of time talking about the evils of teased hair, earrings, tattoos, and flip flops. Browse the newspapers for some current events that you can complain about. See what R-rated movie is popular right now, than command the members not to see it. Use this to segue into the evils of pornography. Tithing and member missionary work are always big hits. Emphasise the dress code. Members eat that stuff up because it is easy to spot the slackers from the righteous just by looking at their clothes.Polish it up and have it on my desk by Thursday. Good luck brother.

Finally, I need you to pick up my dry cleaning this week. I espect to have my pressed suits hanging in my office closet by end of business Friday.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.


Sincerely,

Boyd K. Packer
Last edited by Tavares Standfield on Mon Mar 26, 2007 5:45 pm, edited 4 times in total.
_Aquinas
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Post by _Aquinas »

I was wondering if you believe that any religious leaders have authority from God. Obviously, you reject the authority of LDS leaders. Just curious.[/quote]

Yes, I am Catholic, and profess belief that ministers of the Catholic Church (Priests, Bishops, The Pope, etc) are ordained by God.... I think I know where you are going with this, but I'll let you finish....
_Runtu
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Post by _Runtu »

Aquinas wrote:I was wondering if you believe that any religious leaders have authority from God. Obviously, you reject the authority of LDS leaders. Just curious.

Yes, I am Catholic, and profess belief that ministers of the Catholic Church (Priests, Bishops, The Pope, etc) are ordained by God.... I think I know where you are going with this, but I'll let you finish....


Well, then you're one up on me, since I don't know where I'm going with this. Was just curious. I thought you were Catholic but wasn't sure.
Runtu's Rincón

If you just talk, I find that your mouth comes out with stuff. -- Karl Pilkington
_Aquinas
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Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2007 4:09 pm

Post by _Aquinas »

Yes, I am Catholic, and profess belief that ministers of the Catholic Church (Priests, Bishops, The Pope, etc) are ordained by God.... I think I know where you are going with this, but I'll let you finish....
[/quote]

Well, then you're one up on me, since I don't know where I'm going with this. Was just curious. I thought you were Catholic but wasn't sure.[/quote]

lol! I thought you were going to say something to the effect "well, how would you feel if someone said to the pope, hey Joe, what's up?" At any rate, thanks for the interest, have a good one Runtu.
_Runtu
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Post by _Runtu »

Aquinas wrote:lol! I thought you were going to say something to the effect "well, how would you feel if someone said to the pope, hey Joe, what's up?" At any rate, thanks for the interest, have a good one Runtu.


Oh, you mean you thought I'd be offended by your calling him David? Hardly. Maybe I should start calling him Dave.

Just for the record, I don't believe Dave has any authority from God, either.
Runtu's Rincón

If you just talk, I find that your mouth comes out with stuff. -- Karl Pilkington
_Yoda

Post by _Yoda »

Boyd K. Packer wrote:I espect to have my pressed suits hanging in my office closet by end of business Friday.


Watch the typos, there, Boyd. You're going to appear less than god-like to your flock.

;)
_Aquinas
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Post by _Aquinas »

Watch the typos, there, Boyd. You're going to appear less than god-like to your flock.


lol Liz, I think the content of his message has already put the nail in that coffin:

it is true that she is fat and ugly


Not something I can picture the Jesus I know ever saying about anyone... man, I can't believe these guys don't mind being on record by writting such crap... it is almost comical and I am still having some trouble believing it is actually them... I thought people in positions of authority in the Mormon church would have exercised more caution, but I guess not.
_David A. Bednar
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Post by _David A. Bednar »

harmony wrote:
David A. Bednar wrote:My dear sister, Harmony (I love that name!),


well, that just goes to show you haven't been on the boards for long.

[snip]
There is no reason to read one's patriarchal blessing ever again after this event because the ordinance supercedes all blessings and promises and seals them upon them. From this point on, unless one commits blasphemy against the Holy Ghost, no sins which they might commit will prevent them from entering the celestial kingdom.


Like child abuse, wife abuse, murder, theft. Right.

All General Authorities have received this annointing.


So... even the ones who were excommunicated for child abuse have their calling and election made sure. That's good to know. And it surely does push the limits of tolerance.

Those who have received this annointing stand as special witnesses of "the name of Christ." Make no mistake here. Not special witnesses of Christ, but, rather, special witnesses of the name of Christ, as is written in the Church Handbook of Instructions. This is an important distinction and a recent change in the "doctrine" which few if any have noticed. It is a crucial distinction which must be understood.


Which you don't explain, which leads me to believe this is more of your horse manure.

Last, but not least, those who receive this annointing are told not to tell anyone else about this annointing (although most tell their children and grandchildren.) We are not happy about that, but what can we do. It is not such a great sin, which those who are annointed surely know. It must be a great blessing to these children and grandchildren to know that such an annointing is within reach of any worthy saint, although it certainly helps to know someone in the Quorum of the 15 or to be a descendant of the quorum of the 50, instituted in Nauvoo.


Converts need not apply. Of course, converts would not apply because it's not common knowledge, but still... no convert need apply.

What more can I tell you? It is deep stuff, yeah, even one of the mysteries of the Kingdom.


It's deep stuff, all right. More of the horse manure Joseph shoveled so well.

So Joseph thinks that this 2nd annointing circumvents the need for repentence? He negates the need for an Atonement. Good grief. More of the crap he "revealed" after Fanny.


Hello my dear sister Harmony,

You seem troubled and even offended. Are you a convert, by any chance? Actually, converts can make it into the Holy Quorum. Don't we have an apostle from Germany who converted to the church? Elder Uchtdorf, right? Admittedly, they are few and far between. But, please be assured, this is not our call. This comes from the Lord, through the Prophet, whom you willingly sustain. Perhaps I shouldn't say more. It seems that Elder Packer is a little upset. I thought I had tenure as an apostle, but apparently not.

Dear Harmony, you are always in our thoughts. We pray for you and ask for your continued support and prayers in our
calling. It is difficult to reach everyone of our members and I feel lucky and blessed for having come to know you. Harmony, I know your heart and that you are a chosen daughter of our Heavenly Father. Be patient and the whole world will be yours. Believe me, for I have spoken it through the Holy Ghost.

Your dear harnessed brother, yeah, even with blinders as one of the 15 of the quorum of the 12, yeah, even Elder David A. Bednar.
_David A. Bednar
_Emeritus
Posts: 134
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Post by _David A. Bednar »

moksha wrote:
David A. Bednar wrote: But, yes, Americans do love their coke. Keep in touch and let me know how Serafina is getting along. Maybe she would feel better trying some of that Coca-Cola. It might just give her the kick she needs to get back to work. And, my brothers in Jamaica are still wanting to inquire about work with your compadres there in Blancacoca. What type of work opportunities might my fine laid-back brethren in Jamaica
be able to find if they cruised over on the Stake Presidents cruiser? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Your brother in the Quorum of the 15, yeah, even Elder David A. Bednar

Dear Elder Bednar,

Your are very wise about the American's love for their coke bottle. We thought the Americans were wanting a refill with our coca, and sent us the internet box in return. My Serafina sends her best and in her own way believes it is oh so true, although your missionaries say she cannot be baptized because she is a burro. Giving her some of my village medicine does pick up her spirits some. When I read your letter to my village about the your brothers in Jamaica wanting to work, they murmured, but when I told them about El Stake Presidente's cruiser, they were wondering if you could deliver some packages of our Blancacoca medicine to our cousins in Miami. They are rich with American money and could pay your brothers from Jamaica for their trouble and make a tithing donation to El Stake Presidente too. They would send my village money to our Credit Suisse account, to help buy food for our children.

Juan Moksha Valdez
Blancacoca, Colombia


Dear Juan,

I trust you are still finding it possible to make ends meet there in Blancacoca.

About Serafina's baptism. I know it isn't the regular thing to do, but I have heard of other animals being baptised and the church now counts them as members of the church. What would be wrong with another ass,....er, I mean, burro in the church. It's not like Serafina would be the only one, right?

Has Serafina taken the discussions? Just explain to her that coffee and tea: that's a big no-no. Coke is ok, however. She doesn't smoke that wacky red stinky tobacco down there, does she? If not, she should be good to go.

I mean, really, most of the members down in your village never understood a word the missionaries taught them, but they felt the spirit and were baptized. Given Serafina's condition, I am sure she is quite humbled and ready to be baptized. Even the earth was once baptized. Did you know that? So why not a burro? If she needs a last name for the church records, just give her the name of your village. Isn't that a marvelous name: Serafina Blancacoca. We'll be proud that she has joined the church and it may open new doors of which we haven't yet thought. There must be a lot of asses, er...., I mean burros happy to join the church in your village and other villages in the surrounding area. You may have hit on something quite unique in the history of church. I will propose it to President Hinckley. What a truly marvelous idea.

Now, about your murmering brothers in the village. I thought they would turn around when they heard about the Stake President's cruiser. By the way, do your brothers in the village play basketball? We have been thinking of reorganizing the church basketball league. Our Jamaica brothers are very interested and we have many brothers in Miami who would like to start playing. We are thinking of a kind of Pan-Mormonicana league. We could work out games in Blancacoca, Jamaica and Miami. Our brothers in Venezuela also seem highly interested. What better way to build fellowship and give work opportunities to our brothers than creating a Pan-Mormonicana league. We're thinking of buying another cruiser and we can just move people from country to country playing basketball, working, getting some sun and doing missionary work out on the streets. What do you think? Everyone seems to be excited that the church will be purchasing the transportation. Any ideas you can come up with to make this a joint fellowship-work/missionary effort, let me know.

Until then, here is wishing you and dear Serafina all the best from your dear harnessed and blindered Elder David A. Bednar.
_Yoda

Post by _Yoda »

Aquinas wrote:
Watch the typos, there, Boyd. You're going to appear less than god-like to your flock.


lol Liz, I think the content of his message has already put the nail in that coffin:

it is true that she is fat and ugly


Not something I can picture the Jesus I know ever saying about anyone... man, I can't believe these guys don't mind being on record by writting such crap... it is almost comical and I am still having some trouble believing it is actually them... I thought people in positions of authority in the Mormon church would have exercised more caution, but I guess not.


Thanks...I have a wicked sense of humor. ;)

It's obvious these guys are frauds. It's been rather amusing to watch their Zigfried and Roy act, though.

I have to admit, however, it's growing rather tiresome.

It's obvious that these guys both know quite a bit about the Church. It would be much more interesting for me to talk to the "real people behind the masks", if you will.

The farce was amusing when it started, but now it's just growing rather juvenile and disrespectful to the real Boyd K. Packer and David Bednar , in my opinion.
Last edited by _Yoda on Mon Mar 26, 2007 7:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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