I Need Help

Post by **_Bryan Inks** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 10:36 pm

I don't remember if I've talked about this much on MD but I know that some of you know the basics of the situation.

Let me start with a quick recap.

My mother is a psychotic, abusive bitch. She has been my entire life.

That being said. . . In October of 2005, she visciously attacked my younger brother. She punched and kicked him until he grasped her wrists and told her to stop hitting him. She then kneed him in the groin and while he was laying on the floor, she began cutting his pants off him with a pair of scissors. He grabbed the scissors and threw them out the door. She then clubbed him into unconsciousness with a cane and ran to the kitchen to get a butcher knife. My brother now has scars on his arms and torso where she cut his shirt off him with said butcher knife.

The next day, she flew him out to live with my grandfather in Pennsylvania.

This "incident" was reported to Child Protective Services, but because he was out of state, they were unable to investigate.

A year and some change later, my grandfather's health has taken a turn for the worse and he can no longer care for my, now 17 year old, brother. He's packing him up and shipping him back to my mother.

This is a completely unsafe situation for him to be in.

I found out yesterday at 3 pm that he is arriving at the SLC Airport tomorrow afternoon.

I've been on the phone since that time trying to get anyone and everyone to help. DCFS, CPS, the local police, lawyers, everyone.

I finally got in touch with CPS this afternoon, but the Utah County division can't do anything because my mother lives in Grantsville.

No one seems to be able to do anything and it feels like no one cares.

The local police said that they couldn't get involved unless she physically attacked him because "this is a civil matter".

I'm not willing to wait until she physically attacks him.

I can't talk to him about it because she has brainwashed him into believing that she has changed her life around. While I hope and pray that this is true, I'd much rather find that out after knowing that my brother is safe, rather than discovering that it wasn't true when I'm called and informed that he's dead and my mother is going to prison.

I don't know what to do. I'm going crazy and everything in the system is fighting against me being able to protect my brother.

I don't know. . . sorry for whinging. I just needed to vent a little bit, I guess.

Post by **_truth dancer** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 10:50 pm

Hi Bryan,

First let me say, I really honor you for your care and concern and willingness to do something! I'm not sure where you are... in Uah?

If CPS gets a report of abuse they are bound by law to investigate. If there are marks on your brother that is sufficient evidence of abuse and charges will be filed.

I would suggest, once your brother is in town, to make a call and report abuse. File a complaint. Take pictures of the scars.

It doesn't matter if your brother wants to file charges or not (I'm not familiar with the laws of Utah but in most states this is the case), the state will step in if there is abuse.

Stay on top of it, document EVERYTHING, I mean everything.. every call, every conversation, every email.

Keep us posted and let me know if you have any more specific questions. There are more specific things you can do if CPS isn't cooperating!

Blessings to you Bryan,

~dancer~

Post by **_keene** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 10:51 pm

Honestly, he's 17. I'd say he's old enough to decide on his own whether he can live with her or not. Offer him the place, leave the offer open, and then back off. He's just old enough to resent you for anything else.

Besides, your mom's a cripple. Tell him to kick her ass.

Post by **_moksha** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 11:36 pm

Send an email about this to the state DCFS Child Protective Services CAROLMILLER@utah.gov.

CC. copies to the head of the Department of Human Services for the State of Utah dirdhs@utah.gov and Govenor Huntsman's Constituent Services Coordinator, Gloria Hunt http://governor.utah.gov/goca/form_governor.html

Finally, call the Granstville office (801) 281-5151 and tell them about the situation and the emails. Toll free Statewide number (800) 678-9399.

Post by **_Randall** » Wed Dec 13, 2006 1:20 am

My two cents: Since the abuse was bad enough that it could kill him, you have to do something(s).

1. Report it again, per the suggestions above. Whether he wants you to or not.

2. Investigate him becoming an emancipated minor, if he wants to.

3. Offer him your home, to live with you, regardless of 1 & 2.

4. If he chooses to stay with your mom, keep a very close eye and open line of communication with you so that he feels comfortable coming to you if something else happens.

5. Consider alerting whatever school he will be attending about the abuse that has happened in the past and the current situation. They can help keep an eye on him also.

6. Find out a hotline number that would be responsive to him if it were to happen again or he is worried. That way he has someone to call if he's not comfortable telling you or his school. Put the number on a business card-sized cardstock for him to keep in his wallet in case he needs it. Or get some of their business cards and give to him.

He probably is wanting to believe that his mom has changed and won't harm him again.

Post by **_Bryan Inks** » Wed Dec 13, 2006 2:13 am

Thanks all (except Keene, you suck) for the advice and kind words.

At this point, I've finally gotten in contact with the SLC/Grantsville CPS and they have re-opened the investigation into the incident of 2005.

They are going to be contacting my sister (who witnessed the incident) and will be getting in contact with my brother as soon as he arrives.

I think I'm going to be meeting him at the Airport and giving him my cell phone just in case. . . because it seems like anything that is going to happen to get him out is going to happen a few days after he gets here.

Per suggestions, I've emailed the state DCFS and alerted them to what is happening (and the fact that I was pulled out of the house for abuse lends a great deal of weight with them, for some reason :P ). I've also been conversing with him via phone and email.

He's still convinced that she has changed. He wanted to speak with my wife to see if he could convince her to convince me to back off. . . she had to send him an email reply.

Hi. . . . Sorry I missed your calls. . . . .I had to take the laundry out to the drier and I got back as you left me a message.

I've talked with Camilla and she told me what she had said to you the other night about meeting her Sunday and then maybe she and Bryan would back off. . . . .
She and Bryan made some phone calls today however and She informed me that she has since changed her mind.
Ben I want to be able to side with you one this. I want you to have someone in your corner. Believe me you don't have any Idea how many people are actually behind you right now. . . . Trying to help you out.
I've been told that you know your moms signs. . . on when she's going to get bad. I can tell you that signs don't mean a thing. Your mother is so good at twisting the truth that I'm positive she could hide these signs long enough to say. . . I don't know. . . get mad all of the sudden and then come after you with one of Bryan's guns. . . . She is still in possession of those. . . . One of the many reasons all believe that the next time she won't scar you but kill you. . . Because heaven forbid you make it away a second time to show the world that she has a monstrous side.
I have a question for you. After all the years of abuse. . . not just to you but to your brother and sister as well. . . after all the things you've seen them go through. . .How many times do you think they've heard that Kim has changed? Have you asked? How many times have they continued to be abused because your mother and convinced them she had changed.
I know Camilla has told you about how she had to leave your mothers. Your whole life your mom picked on the boys. Camilla was her side Kick. . .. another female. . . Your mother turned the home into a war ground . . . males against the females. . . . well once you were gone and your mother didn't have anyone else to pick on she started hitting. . . HITTING. . Camilla. Her long time female companion. Your moms best friend and she started hitting camilla because there was no one else around that she could hit.
Like I've said before there are many things your mother has to deal with. And the kind of help she needs can not be achieved alone or reading through books. She needs help and years of it. Your mother has been lucky to escape a mental hospital for so many years because of how she can twist words and make everyone believe everything is okay.
No one is willing to let you risk your life for two weeks with your mother. Everyone that has been talked to in the last few days are included in that statement.
Bryan got a hold of CPS today. He told them the situation. That alone set them off. When they asked for everyone's names involved their screens exploded with information on incidences and fallow ups that have happened with your family. Your mother the cause of all of them. Thier exact words were " We haven't had a case this big in years. Kids have been removed from their homes for much less than this."
I can tell you they have sent all of the information up to their Salt Lake offices and they will be watching your mother but not just that. They strongly suggest that you not put yourself back with her. Like myself they have seen many cases like this and yours is not a special case. There have never been any special cases where the abuser magically stopped abusing with no help in their time away from their kids.
Your Family Therapists that you and your siblings used to meet with are still involved very much in this. Larry, Cindy, and Joyce, well this is the only honest way to put it. . . "It would be a huge mistake to move back in with her. She could do some serious damage to him." (Maybe you could read the signs and end up being crippled for life because she cuts your hamstring so you can't ever run away again.) They would like to visit more with you and they are giving you their professional and personal opinions when they are strongly urging you to not move in with your mom.
Ben . . . I can't stop Bryan. I don't want to. I myself have felt and been abused by your mother. I can tell you that He's thinking big. . . He cares about you and loves you so much that he's covering all the bases. If this ends up without co operation from you. . . . well. . . I can't promise the courts will ever let you see your mom again. With all the history of abuse on her record and all the things that she has done to you the courts wouldn't think twice of removing you from her custody permanently. My option of you staying with us at least had you seeing your mom.
I'm sorry. . . I don't mean to be harsh. I'm just trying to have you understand. I know it's not fair. You had a plan. It's your life. And now the plan is being taken away from you. You don't have any control and that's scary. . . . and to you Very Unfair.
We all love you and nobody wants to take the risk of you not being able to read the signs. . . or missing one and ending up dead for it. Your therapists and the state all agree with this.
In the end this is your choice. And I'm sorry that either way you choose will have earth shattering consequences. . . . I can't make this easy for you. Type or call me back. I already have things ready here for you. .. . what ever you decide. I just see less hurt and more healing for everyone this way then if you were to move in with your mom for two weeks. Going to your moms hurts three people (well four), not going to your moms hurts your mom and then enables you to help your brother and sister in assisting you in healing the whole family and getting mom taken care of to where she can be happy again.
Love you Ben, Be Safe, Get back to me.
Megan

I've also gotten in contact with a lawyer. . . we have a meeting tomorrow at 10 am (about the time he leaves from his stopover in Chicago) and are going to be getting him a Guardian Ad Lidem (sp?).

The CPS agent I spoke to in SLC said that he was amazed that my brother hadn't been pulled out of the house prior to this, given the number of incidents/reports.

Things are starting to look a little bit better at this point, but it will still take more time than I feel safe taking.

Post by **_keene** » Wed Dec 13, 2006 3:56 am

..... Egg her house?

With BRICKS!!

Post by **_Jersey Girl** » Wed Dec 13, 2006 3:59 am

Guardian Ad Litem....Bryan, if I read all of this accurately, I see no reason why your brother cannot go directly into YOUR custody, at least temporarily, until things are sorted out. Your brother is a minor child, he doesn't have a choice. I am sure your attorney will steer things in the right direction and suggest full custody be granted to you or your sister. Let your brother know that you want to take steps to insure his safety first...the GAL, temp custody, etc. (Protective Order?)

I'm sorry for the way your growing up years went. I can't being to imagine the terror and uncertainty that you lived with. Your Mom, no doubt, needs treatment in a psychiatric hospital. I hope that can happen.

Please let us know how it goes tomorrow. Get some sleep. You have a war to fight.

Jersey Girl

Post by **_Bond...James Bond** » Wed Dec 13, 2006 4:00 am

Sounds like a messy business. Best of luck Brian.

Bond

Post by **_Runtu** » Wed Dec 13, 2006 4:08 am

I don't have much to add except to hope that you guys get the help you need. Government can be exceedingly frustrating. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this.