DiscussMormonism.com

I relate to you a miraculously special spiritual experience. I was praying to satan, as all exmormons have to do to keep our special powers of decieving the Lards annointed. I put on my temple clothes backwards as instructed during my Faustian ceremony when I committed the ultimate sin, thinking for myself, thus sealing with my blood a contract to Lucifer.

So I was standing there pantomiming my own death in the ancient fashion, like when a Jewish temple priest would threaten a temple patron after slitting the throat of a sheep, scaring the bejezuz out of all involved. We can't have those who misunderstand the nature of the exmormon Satanic ceremonies muddied by loose lips, so we scare the sh*t out of the adherents. Its only logical.

As I said, I was going through the motions and then Bam! there it was, an angel with a flaming sword!

He instructed me that I was to take another wife and if I didn't he'd kill me. Woohoo!

So, ill be taking applications for spiritual wives. Who wants to sign up their daughters first? I'll throw in a free, all expenses paid one way trip to the celestial kingdom!

I'm thinking of following Joes example and starting young, say about the age of Fanny Alger. Now how can I do that without getting caught? Hmm. These angels and their flaming swords are a real bit*h to please.

You didn't ask to shake the angel's hand. It was obviously a fake.

VegasRefugee wrote:He instructed me that I was to take another wife and if I didn't he'd kill me. Woohoo!

So, ill be taking applications for spiritual wives. Who wants to sign up their daughters first? I'll throw in a free, all expenses paid one way trip to the celestial kingdom!

I'm thinking of following Joes example and starting young, say about the age of Fanny Alger. Now how can I do that without getting caught? Hmm. These angels and their flaming swords are a real bit*h to please.

Well, I know a few bordellos out in the hinterlands of Texas where you can rent a "wife" for about $200/hour...

Think that'd count?

You don't, by chance, have the ability to find buried treasure do you? This 8 to 5 job thing really sucks...

Mr. Coffee wrote:Well, I know a few bordellos out in the hinterlands of Texas where you can rent a "wife" for about $200/hour...

I'm hoping that not everything is bigger in Texas. I'd hate to imagine that the women's sumo-wrestling champion would be from a Texan bordello.

asbestosman wrote:

Mr. Coffee wrote:Well, I know a few bordellos out in the hinterlands of Texas where you can rent a "wife" for about $200/hour...

I'm hoping that not everything is bigger in Texas. I'd hate to imagine that the women's sumo-wrestling champion would be from a Texan bordello.

They got them in all shapes and sizes, Asbestosman. Well, that's what I heard...

Who Knows wrote:You don't, by chance, have the ability to find buried treasure do you? This 8 to 5 job thing really sucks...

Nah, im playing the stone-in-a-hat game cool and quiet. Last time a prophet did that he was arrested and convicted.

As for documentation of that happening ask hugh nibleys ghost. I believe he said that it didn't existand that his testimony hinged on them. Too bad for him that the court records were found.

Who Knows wrote:You don't, by chance, have the ability to find buried treasure do you? This 8 to 5 job thing really sucks...

8 to 5 job? That sounds pretty good these days! You can really go home every evening at 5? Consider yourself lucky, actually.

But, yeah, still sucks. 8 to 2 sounds about right to me. Let me know. I'll buy the metal detector or stone or whatever.

asbestosman wrote:

Mr. Coffee wrote:Well, I know a few bordellos out in the hinterlands of Texas where you can rent a "wife" for about $200/hour...

I'm hoping that not everything is bigger in Texas. I'd hate to imagine that the women's sumo-wrestling champion would be from a Texan bordello.

Hey, be nice. Texas is a lovely place full of lovely people (yours truly included).

Runtu wrote:

asbestosman wrote:

Mr. Coffee wrote:Well, I know a few bordellos out in the hinterlands of Texas where you can rent a "wife" for about $200/hour...

I'm hoping that not everything is bigger in Texas. I'd hate to imagine that the women's sumo-wrestling champion would be from a Texan bordello.

Hey, be nice. Texas is a lovely place full of lovely people (yours truly included).

Agreed. One of our senior network engineers on my team just came from East Texas. Very nice guy.