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To which of the LDS apologists should the Mohammed_Saeed_al-Sahaf award go?

I'll start the ball rolling by playing 'Let's attribute that Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf quote to a Mormon it fits best'. Feel free to edit the quotes slightly.

This didn't need any editing:

Brigham Young wrote:By God, they only deserve scorn. We slaughtered them yesterday and we will continue to slaughter them.

These only needed a slight tweak:

Joseph Smith wrote:It has been rumored that I have more than one wife. I am here now to tell you, I do not have more than one wife and I don't know why they keep saying they're married to me.

Joseph Smith wrote:There are no Mormon polygamists in Utah. Never!

At Carthage jail, as the mob assembles:

Joseph Smith wrote:No, I am not scared and neither should you be!

Joseph Smith wrote:My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all.

Joseph Smith wrote:Our initial assessment is that they will all die.

On the Book of Abraham:

Joseph Smith wrote:Search for the truth. I tell you things and I always ask you to verify what I say. I told you yesterday that we found a book written by Abraham, by his own hand, on papyrus.

Put this one in the mouth of your favourite contemporary apologist:

They are sick in their minds. They say there is no evidence of Nephites in Meso-America. I say to you this talk is not true. This is part of their sick mind.

Here's a website that lists some of the that guy's quotes.

Mormon apologist about the Book of Mormon:

"authentic sources - many authentic sources"

"The information was correct, but the interpretation was not,"

About continued revelation:

"The time is not yet ripe to say what happened. When history's ready, then we can talk about it,"

Mormon apologists about critics:

"These are not ordinary human beings. They are criminals. As a matter of fact, they are criminals, both by nature and by training. By nature, because they are not decent. They are criminals."

"We will get them stuck in the mud and we will certainly defeat them."

"God willing, we will throw them into the sea."

"They want to deceive their people first because now they are in a very shabby situation,"

"How can you lay siege to a whole [religion]? Who is really under siege now? [Mormonism] cannot be besieged."

"Until now they have refused to do battle with us. They are just going places."

"One can describe them as a Book of Abraham: when it feels threatened, it runs to somewhere else."

Boyd K Packer wrote:"Hit them. Fight them. They are cursed; they are evil"
"We will be victorious, and they will be defeated."

Boyd K Packer wrote:"They are achieving nothing, they are suffering from casualties. Those casualties are increasing, not decreasing,"

More Apologists on critics:

"I can assure you that those villains will recognize, will discover in appropriate time in the future how stupid they are and how they are pretending things which have never taken place"

“Don't repeat the lies of the liars.”

They think we are retarded. They are retarded.

They are becoming hysterical. This is the result of frustration.

The [Mormon Discussion board] is all about lies! All they tell is lies, lies and more lies!

These cowards have no morals. They have no shame about lying.

The criminals will be humiliated... To hurt the enemy more, raise the level of your attacks."

"The infidels are committing suicide by the hundreds on the gates of [Salt Lake]... Be assured, [Utah] is safe, protected. [The Danites] are heroes."

"The [critics], they always depend on a method what I call ... stupid, silly. All I ask is check yourself. Do not in fact repeat their lies."

Boyd K Packer wrote:As our leader [Brigham Young] said, "God is grilling their stomachs in hell.""

DCP wrote:I speak better English than this villain, [Scratch].

It's uncanny!

They were discussing quotes above, so I found one I really liked from Her Amun:

(Her Amun - Apr 18 2007, 11:06 AM )I know why polygamy is such a hot butttun issue. S-E-X.

Given the present perversity of our culture, I thank God we don't have polygamy.

Like a boy scout with an oozie, we would not be able to handle it. So he gives us the 22 instead.

Fortigurn wrote:To which of the LDS apologists should the Mohammed_Saeed_al-Sahaf award go?

To which Christian apologist should the award go to?

moksha wrote:

(Her Amun - Apr 18 2007, 11:06 AM) Like a boy scout with an oozie, we would not be able to handle it. So he gives us the 22 instead.

That boy scout really should have his oozie looked at. As far as the 22, just remember, it is not the size of the caliber that counts but how you use it!

Her Amun wrote:Like a boy scout with an oozie, we would not be able to handle it. So he gives us the 22 instead.

Most Boy Scouts hate it when their mothers catch them handling an oozie.

Dr. Shades wrote:

Her Amun wrote:Like a boy scout with an oozie, we would not be able to handle it. So he gives us the 22 instead.

Most Boy Scouts hate it when their mothers catch them handling an oozie.

In that same thread, someone posted a caulk gun when asked what an “oozie” (i.e. “uzi”) was. I about lost it (I know, I’m immature… but dang if that wasn’t good stuff).