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My pappy said, "Son, you're gonna' drive me to drinkin'
If you don't get away from that exmo thinkin'

Have you heard the story 'bout Scratch and Fort
dismissing the Church with a huff and a snort
I hate to say that the story's true
Now I'm gonna tell it to you

There's Dude and Coffee and Harmony
There's a lot of furrowed brows and jerking knees
There's can't and cliches, they use them all
Its stock in trade, I'll make the call

With libs and lefties and New Age folks
You can ride a white swan to the cosmic yolk
They've got Dialog, but I don't care
The Church is true, and FAIR's there

We met on the message board late one night
The Rootbeer was flowing and Iinks was high
They were talkin' trash 'bout BKP
The slander was flowing, wild and free

All of a sudden in the wink of an eye
Coggins7 appeared on high
And Gaz and bc, Plutarch too
Cleaning out the cages in this virtual zoo

Now they told me that GBH was a dope
And that the Mormon Church was beyond all hope
For the strength of youth was hoary tripe
They frothed and foamed in overdrive

Wound up their rhetoric to real warp speed
Some were watchin' the 'O', some were smokin' weed
There was global warming and Gay amour
That's all there is and there ain't no more

Now my daddy told me I'd lost my mind
Casting pearls before this herd of swine
He said, "slow down, I see the end!"
Your brain will pop and your mind will bend

Laid into Scratch, he tumbled down
Crossed my fingers and went to town
My Book of Mormon was was at my side
And Guy and Fort jumped on for the ride

Smoke was coming from Vegas' ears
And Dude smoked more weed than he had in years
I knew I had them, I knew I could win
Don't you know right then Jersey Girl walked in

She had flames coming from out of her mouth
I felt the rage, Man! how do I get out?
I said, "look here Jersey, I'm a man of God
And the flames died down and she started to plod

Then all of a sudden Harmony came knockin'
With her Temple recommend she started rockin'
while in my mind, a red flag was wavin'
Then I knew this girl was just manipulatin'

Then my hard drive crashed and my motherboard failed
I called my daddy and he cried and railed
And he said " Son, you're gonna drive me to drinkin'
If you don't get away from that exmo thinkin'


Words and lyrics by Mr. Scratch and the Itchy Brothers.

I'm pretty sure Fort and Jersey Girl are not exmos.

That's OK, it made the song work. It wouldn't work with "anti-Mormon" thinkin'. And in any case, the thinking of the committed ex-Mormons and anti-Mormons who have never been members is of little substantive difference.

I reserve the right to some artistic license to make it all turn out the way I'd like it to. All in good fun (heh heh...)

Okay. Is it time for Mormon rock again?

Please turn your artistic ability toward the apologists. May I suggest the song "Cryin" by Aerosmith becomes "Lyin" by FAIRosmith (all in good fun of course).

Bond...James Bond wrote:I'm pretty sure Fort and Jersey Girl are not exmos.

I'm very certain of that.

Why do you want me to do something about the apologists? Not that I can't or wouldn't, but why would you want me to, or, why do you think I should be required to, given that I'm a "TBM"?

Loran, you have an unusual talent for lyrics. Can you sing and play and instrument as well?

Sorry I mentioned politics to you on another thread. I can see now that it would tend to get you hyped up. You need a cool head for those lyrics.

I'm working on guitar, picking up where I left off some 20 years ago.

Coggins7 wrote:That's OK, it made the song work. It wouldn't work with "anti-Mormon" thinkin'. And in any case, the thinking of the committed ex-Mormons and anti-Mormons who have never been members is of little substantive difference.

I reserve the right to some artistic license to make it all turn out the way I'd like it to. All in good fun (heh heh...)

Really, it's not okay. Loran, I don't expect you to read all of the posts that I write but I would have thought by now you'd have noticed that I don't typically talk about posters on this board, I talk TO them. I don't use them as vehicles or examples to make a point or that sort of thing. You might see people here using your screen name on posts that are mocking you or criticizing you and snickering. Unlike them, I'd mock and criticize you to straight to your virtual face if I felt like it, no snickering needed. You'd always know it was there because I'd be responding to you directly.

I understand that you enjoy writing your lyrics and I respect that kind of creative outlet. But...it kind of bothers me that you use (emphasis USE) me as a vehicle to poke fun at ex-Mo's as if I were an ex-Mo.

I don't mind the "flames" reference because there are times when I do become intentionally inflammatory and you know that. But...I don't like being presented even with artistic license as an ex-Mo. I don't like people being confused about who I am.

Unless I'm the one confused.

Just sayin'

Jersey Girl

Jersey Girl wrote:Really, it's not okay. Loran, I don't expect you to read all of the posts that I write but I would have thought by now you'd have noticed that I don't typically talk about posters on this board, I talk TO them. I don't use them as vehicles or examples to make a point or that sort of thing. You might see people here using your screen name on posts that are mocking you or criticizing you and snickering. Unlike them, I'd mock and criticize you to straight to your virtual face if I felt like it, no snickering needed. You'd always know it was there because I'd be responding to you directly.

I understand that you enjoy writing your lyrics and I respect that kind of creative outlet. But...it kind of bothers me that you use (emphasis USE) me as a vehicle to poke fun at ex-Mo's as if I were an ex-Mo.

I don't mind the "flames" reference because there are times when I do become intentionally inflammatory and you know that. But...I don't like being presented even with artistic license as an ex-Mo. I don't like people being confused about who I am.

Unless I'm the one confused.

Just sayin'

Jersey Girl

No, you're not confused. I enjoy good parody, but it crosses the line when it's aimed at specific people. I don't mind poking fun at public figures because they are fair game in many ways, but other than that I like to parody attitudes, not specific people. When you personalize stuff, regardless of whether you're a "critic" or a "believer," you risk things becoming ugly and vicious.