A Mean Woman

[_KimberlyAnn]

I've always been a polite woman. I was raised to be such; as a Southerner and as a Mormon, niceness was expected of me. My mother and my teachers at church taught me to return kindness for hatefulness, politeness for rudeness and I was, in general, always very good at doing just that. Don't get me wrong; I've always had an inner bitch. I just kept her in check and didn't let her surface very often and when I did, I was almost always apologetic afterward. The problem is - suppressing my assertiveness and taking abuse with a smile turned me into a doormat.

Now, as an ex-Mormon and a more liberated woman than I've ever been before, I've no problem returning rudeness for rudeness. I feel no moral imperative to take contempt with a smile or spare the feelings of people who have no problem hurting mine. Most of the time, I still take the high road. I can smile and be polite in the face of ill-mannered behavior and more often than not, I choose to do so. But I've no problem with smiling and giving it back harder than I got it, either. Honing my inner bitch has been an indescribably freeing experience and retiring from my former career as a submissive doormat has revealed confidence I never knew I had. At times, that confidence tends toward aggressiveness, but that's alright - I try not to cross that line too often, but just often enough to keep people respectful of me and a little wary of treating me poorly.

My family and friends are coming to terms with the new me. For quite some time, my husband lamented that leaving Mormonism had turned me into a mean woman. Now, he thinks his Sassy Southern Belle who don't take no sh*t is pretty damn hot.

In short, we teach people how to treat us and I've struggled to learn that lesson. Returning kindness for hatefulness all the time is an awful way to live and it's no wonder so many Mormon women who are taught to be submissive and Christlike in the face of rudeness, male chauvinism and mistreatment of all varieties are miserable and on anti-depressants. Standing up for themselves and kicking a little ass would do them a world of good.

Politeness, in my opinion, is sometimes overrated. Women should always reserve the right to be a little mean.

KA

[_ajax18]

Politeness, in my opinion, is sometimes overrated. Women should always reserve the right to be a little mean.

Are men allowed to be mean as well?

I try not to cross that line too often, but just often enough to keep people respectful of me and a little wary of treating me poorly.

When humans lived in smaller communities I think this worked better. Now with city life you sometimes rarely see the same person twice. I admit I've been inclined to think the same way as you, but it's an awful responsibility to try to straigten out mankind. It's also an awfully difficult battle to get even.

I'm really not sure I could get even with people just the way I'd like. I love that movie High Plains Drifter. He definitely gave it back as bad as he got it, but that's the movies. It usually doesn't work out that cleanly.

Even though I'm skeptical about all of the claims of religion, a belief in an ultimate fairness and eternity has stuck with me. I still don't believe there is any such thing as getting away with it. I even believe that God will avenge me of mine enemies to the point that whatever unfairnesses I suffered will be made up for. To me this is much more liberating than taking it upon myself to get even. I'm not even sure I could if I had to do it myself.

If it's all not true than yes I have been kicked around for nothing, but then again I'm not always having to watch my own back due to a long list of enemies. In real life I'm very well liked. It's only on line when I spout off and have my say that people don't like me.

[_Polygamy Porter]

Now, he thinks his Sassy Southern Belle who don't take no sh*t is pretty damn hot.

that's all fine and dandy, but here in the middle world they whine if you even IMPLY a word of verbal punctuation.... see you downstairs in the basement!

[_KimberlyAnn]

Now, he thinks his Sassy Southern Belle who don't take no sh*t is pretty damn hot.

that's all fine and dandy, but here in the middle world they whine if you even IMPLY a word of verbal punctuation.... see you downstairs in the basement!

Huh? I thought this forum was PG to PG-13? I've seen plenty of PG-13 and PG movies with much worse language than I used in my post. There's no way my post is "R" rated. I let my twelve year old daughter read it without reservation. The books she checks out of her middle school library have more profanity than I used in my post.

I hope you're kidding, Polygamy Porter.

KA

[_KimberlyAnn]

Politeness, in my opinion, is sometimes overrated. Women should always reserve the right to be a little mean.

Are men allowed to be mean as well?

I try not to cross that line too often, but just often enough to keep people respectful of me and a little wary of treating me poorly.

When humans lived in smaller communities I think this worked better. Now with city life you sometimes rarely see the same person twice. I admit I've been inclined to think the same way as you, but it's an awful responsibility to try to straigten out mankind. It's also an awfully difficult battle to get even.

I'm really not sure I could get even with people just the way I'd like. I love that movie High Plains Drifter. He definitely gave it back as bad as he got it, but that's the movies. It usually doesn't work out that cleanly.

Even though I'm skeptical about all of the claims of religion, a belief in an ultimate fairness and eternity has stuck with me. I still don't believe there is any such thing as getting away with it. I even believe that God will avenge me of mine enemies to the point that whatever unfairnesses I suffered will be made up for. To me this is much more liberating than taking it upon myself to get even. I'm not even sure I could if I had to do it myself.

If it's all not true than yes I have been kicked around for nothing, but then again I'm not always having to watch my own back due to a long list of enemies. In real life I'm very well liked. It's only on line when I spout off and have my say that people don't like me.

I'm not out to "get even" either. I'm only out to stand up for myself and insist upon being treated with respect.

KA

[_Seven]

I believe our personalities are the main reason for differences we see in behavior considered "mean." You have a feisty spirit you were born with. I have a daughter who is a little pistol and has been since birth. I think it's great you can embrace this quality and make it an asset in your life. It can make you a great leader, if it's used to promote what is right.


I have taken far too much crap this year and last, from TBMs in my life who now think I am in Satan's power, and random people through the years who don't like me for whatever reason. I have learned this last year to carefully give it right back to people in my own subtle way. One of my strong, sometimes negative, personality traits is worrying about hurting someone else's feelings to the point where I won't confront anybody who has been cruel to me. It makes me feel worse to see I have hurt someone than the pain I went through. I have really had to work hard at attempting in some way to "call people out" who plow me down in rudeness or unfair judgment and be more honest with how I really feel.

One thing I try to keep in mind though is that most offensive behavior is misjudged by us in general and if we knew what their real intent was or situation, our perceptions often would change. Sometimes it can hurt us more in the end if we find out we hurt somebody who was innocent. But if we know they intended to be cruel to us, I say give it right back to them!

[_christopher]

I'm only out to stand up for myself and insist upon being treated with respect.

KA

Yea, yea, yea.......when you are done, go in the kitchen and make me a sandwich and bring it to me in front of the TV. We are watching "Work and The Glory" tonight so you will have to iron my shirts later. Oh, and make sure there are pickles on my sandwich.

That is all.


Chris <><

[_Sam Harris]

I've always been a polite woman. I was raised to be such; as a Southerner and as a Mormon, niceness was expected of me. My mother and my teachers at church taught me to return kindness for hatefulness, politeness for rudeness and I was, in general, always very good at doing just that. Don't get me wrong; I've always had an inner bitch. I just kept her in check and didn't let her surface very often and when I did, I was almost always apologetic afterward. The problem is - suppressing my assertiveness and taking abuse with a smile turned me into a doormat.

Now, as an ex-Mormon and a more liberated woman than I've ever been before, I've no problem returning rudeness for rudeness. I feel no moral imperative to take contempt with a smile or spare the feelings of people who have no problem hurting mine. Most of the time, I still take the high road. I can smile and be polite in the face of ill-mannered behavior and more often than not, I choose to do so. But I've no problem with smiling and giving it back harder than I got it, either. Honing my inner bitch has been an indescribably freeing experience and retiring from my former career as a submissive doormat has revealed confidence I never knew I had. At times, that confidence tends toward aggressiveness, but that's alright - I try not to cross that line too often, but just often enough to keep people respectful of me and a little wary of treating me poorly.

My family and friends are coming to terms with the new me. For quite some time, my husband lamented that leaving Mormonism had turned me into a mean woman. Now, he thinks his Sassy Southern Belle who don't take no sh*t is pretty damn hot.

In short, we teach people how to treat us and I've struggled to learn that lesson. Returning kindness for hatefulness all the time is an awful way to live and it's no wonder so many Mormon women who are taught to be submissive and Christlike in the face of rudeness, male chauvinism and mistreatment of all varieties are miserable and on anti-depressants. Standing up for themselves and kicking a little ass would do them a world of good.

Politeness, in my opinion, is sometimes overrated. Women should always reserve the right to be a little mean.

KA

My mother once told me that I had a conjoined twin, but we were separated before our first year. Could you be her?

I have an inner bitch as well, and used to be very submissive. It used to be so that if confronted, I'd immediately break down, and sometimes lose my ability to speak. Now, if you cross me, and I will give you plenty of time to pump your breaks, if you cross me I'll break you. And these days, given the health issues and other pressures, my patience doesn't exist anymore. I just wait out of feral habit for you to dig yourself deep enough before I start shoveling dirt on your head.

I don't like being mean, but I'm tired of people squatting over my integrity as well.

Had to tell a family member the other night not to f'ing call my house, because I've spent hundreds of dollars and hours on trying to help her get her life straight. She has two kids, one is my godchild. Haven't seen her in months. But I'm not family because I won't keep going to the bank to support her dime bag habit. Humph. Folk like that end up missing teeth.

When I was LDS, I was always the one that made people laugh with my big mouth. I still make my LDS friends laugh, because I will say the things they're too afraid to say. That's probably why they keep me around, I'm like a sideshow. :-)

[_moksha]

With some of these puppies, you
will feel like a new woman...

[_Sam Harris]

LOL, I'd sweat in the pleather, and I'd knock my head on the ceiling with the platforms.