DiscussMormonism.com

To Whom This Causes Concern,

I’m tired of people from your church stopping by. Does anyone down there realize that I haven’t been to church in over 19 years? I have to admit that I’m a little pissed off that I even have to write this letter because you guys can’t accept the multiple verbal requests from both my wife and me to leave us alone. So now, I have to actually formally resign? Well, alright. You asked for it. Here’s my resignation letter.

Usually, when people write their resignation letters from the church, they are very careful to make sure they send the message that they want out strictly for philosophical reasons, and not because they want to sin, but I don’t care if you think I want to sin. Clearly, you people will believe some of the most outrageous ideas imaginable, so you’ll believe what you want about me too (like I’m convertible). If it helps you to expedite removing my name from the records, you can believe what you want.

Here, let me help you…

• I believe in thinking for myself. I believe that if you live your life by what other people say, you are a lazy child who isn’t willing to exert the effort of asking the hard questions of yourself. If you don’t bother to come up with your own philosophy and decide that a hand-me-down one is good enough for you, then you deserve what you get. There’s no such thing as a “general authority” on the mysteries of this world and the universe, and anyone calling themselves that is a scam artist.

• I believe in sex before marriage. I’ve fornicated with around two dozen women in my life, and it was great. I wouldn’t trade the experience for the world. Not having sex with your potential partner before you marry them is like a football team using their number one draft pick on a player they’ve never scouted. Kind of dumb, don’t you think?

• I believe in masturbation. I’m married and I still occasionally do it, usually if my wife is indisposed for whatever reason. I would encourage every male from the age of 13 to start fondling themselves. It’s better than going crazy and believe me, sexual repression will make you do crazy things.

• I believe in watching football on Sunday, going to restaurants, shopping, going swimming… basically doing anything other than stepping inside a church. Why waste a perfectly good day off? I also believe in working on Sunday, if it means supporting your family (or simply if your job requires it).

• I believe that coffee might just be about the best damn drink ever created. I drink several cups a day. I don't drink alcohol much, but that's for health reasons, not religious ones. Sometimes, I like to really tie one on (which means "drink a lot of alcohol"). I also think drugs, prostitution, and gambling should all be legalized and moderated by the government like alcohol is. Can you imagine how quickly we could pay down the national debt with all that new tax revenue? And what's the big deal about smoking a joint or paying for sex, anyway?

• I believe family is more important than church is (more important than anything, in fact). I know you guys think you believe that, but I actually live as though I believe it rather than just paying the idea lip service.

• I believe in investing 10% of your income in yourself, not some dubious organization. Are you going to take care of me when I retire, or is that up to me?

• I believe in exposing the church for the sham it is. I regularly write and post what could be considered anti-Mormon literature on the Internet (including this letter), and some of it is pretty good, if I do say so myself.

• I believe the concept of faith is a device used by religions to keep members in control. “Have faith or you suck at being religious” is probably the biggest scam perpetrated on the human race in history simply because it’s used to retain paying church members.

• I believe the Bible to be the most popular work of fiction in history. Who ever heard of talking snakes or people waking up from the dead? I wonder if Stephen King’s books will be as popular in 2000 years. It’s the same sort of subject matter. And don’t get me started on the Book of Mormon.

• I believe Joe Smith was a murderous, lying, womanizing, statutory rapist. I believe him to be as divine and righteous as Charles Manson, or more appropriately, Hitler. The ripple effect of lives affected and pain perpetrated by each man’s acts are about the same.

• I believe Jesus was probably a fairly decent guy who’s reputation span out of control (that is, if he lived at all). He was god’s son? His mother was a virgin? HAHAHAHA!!! Good one. One thing is for sure; he’s a little late for his second coming, isn’t he? Just what kind of messiah is late? If I can’t rely on him to be on time, it makes me nervous about relying on him for my salvation.

• I believe that swearing is a great emotional release. Sometimes, I like to f****** swear. See what I mean? Call me crazy, but I think they’re just words.

• I believe there might be some kind of life after death, but I highly doubt that what we do in this lifetime has much bearing on what happens there. If all of eternity is influenced by such a short time span, something is definitely out of whack. I would think that a creator smart enough to do all this would enable a more reasonable ratio of deeds to rewards.

• I believe that to claim that you know anything for certain is the same as saying, “I’m an ignorant fool.” Nobody knows anything for sure. Telling me you know god lives makes me think you’ve suffered a serious blow to the head, because you must be seeing things. We all have a lot of ideas and beliefs, and some are better than others, but as soon as you move into the “I know” territory, you’ve stepped off your rocker. Let me remind you that only 500 years ago, everyone “knew” the Earth was flat.

• And finally, I believe god is something people believe in because they’re afraid to rely on themselves. I think it’s about escaping maturity. Same thing with the “devil,” whom I believe to be the biggest scapegoat ever created (“The devil made me do it…” Sheesh! What ever happened to personal responsibility?) I think it’s a mental disorder. And I feel superior for thinking it, too. It’s great for my ego.

• Oh, one other thing: I have absolutely no intention to ever attend any church again. I believe the root of all evil is organized religion, and have no idea how the concept of religion got mixed up and confused with spirituality. So, you couldn’t convert me for a billion dollars. Just wanted to make sure you understood that. There’s no need to call me to confirm since I won’t be changing my mind about this (my wife usually hangs up on Mormons anyway, so you might have trouble getting through).

Now… does any of this excuse me from having to put up with the annoying missionary drop-bys I keep getting? I've never cared about my name being on the LDS records until recently (now that I keep getting the drop-bys suddenly), because like I said before, I don't care what people from the church think. In fact, right now, I imagine you dismissing all this as coming from someone who’s possessed by the devil. If so, great! That’s kind of amusing to me, actually. It would do no good to assure you that these are all my thoughts (I like to take responsibility for the thoughts that pop into my head – what a concept, huh?), so I won’t try.

I would like to stop being bothered by uninvited visitors, so if that means you have to take my name off your records to get a clue, do it. If it means you feel the need to excommunicate me, great! Whatever you do, could you make it snappy? Why continue to waste the resources of your missionaries on guys like me who look down on people so easily influenced as members of the LDS church? Have you forgotten that they have paid for their mission with their own money? Do you feel good about wasting what should be their collage savings?

You can consider this my official resignation from time and resource wasting, dogmatic submission… er, I mean… being a Mormon.

Sincerely,

(Schmo)

Some Schmo wrote:by the way, some of my beliefs have changed since I wrote that a few years ago (I'm no longer an agnostic, for instance, but completely atheist), I doubt that Jesus actually lived, that spirituality is something apart from mentality, and a few other details, but most of it still applies.

Sethbag wrote: I do think it was a bit over the top to compare Joseph Smith with Hitler, but I will agree that if he did in fact make it all up, his fraud has now been perpetrated on millions of people. There's a difference though between setting up real concentration camps and killing millions of people and just perpetrating a mind job on millions of people. Other than, say, the Fancher Party and a few people who became aquainted with Bill Hickman and Porter Rockwell in ways they'd have preferred not to, Mormonism isn't really anything like Hitler's deeds at all. Some good comes from the church, but I attribute almost all of that good to the good intentions of millions of members over the last 170 years, trying to make lemonade from the lemon of Joseph Smith's fraud.

Last night the missionaries stopped by – I was already standing in front of the window when they pulled up so I couldn’t ignore them like last time. I decided to let them in and control the conversation. I waited until my wife came out and let her talk with them to practice her English (she’s not American). The more I got thinking about it, the more I realized that Mormon behavior is so predictable and superficial.

I knew the answers they would say before they answered them, like “what is priesthood? Priesthood is the authority of…” and I knew that they would agree to everything that we said – that is how Mormons manipulate people into liking them and eventually being baptized. Even when my wife was talking about her Buddhist beliefs of demons and Buddhist ritual exorcism they were smiling, nodding and saying “yes, of course!”

As a missionary I was taught the “Commitment Pattern” and other psychological manipulation tools. Why don’t you fight fire with fire and use it on them?

I just wanted to talk about normal “worldly stuff” so I kept on talking about movies. The missionaries talked for hours about movies. Perfect! Missionaries have to be nice and will always give you face so it’s perfect for my wife to practice her English. Why pay money for a teacher when you can have people come to your home and talk to you? The key lies in controlling the conversation.

I have read a lot of posts here about people wanting to “flee” “escape” from Mormonism. People use the word “stalked” and “followed” and “harassed’ to describe their run-ins with the Mormons, but I always wonder: why do people feel this way? (I always imagine a ‘Night of the Living Dead’ like scene – zombie Mormons surround an inactive’s house and groan and moan about “your child isn’t going to Primary” or “your Satanic pirate ancestor hasn’t had his temple work done yet!” while those inside save their bullets to kill themselves so even if the Mormon cult will be able to suck the life out of their bodies, they won’t be able to molest their minds)

But I think a person who is insecure and feels a lack of control in their life will feel annoyed and intimated by Mormon social behavior. Of course Mormons are annoying persistent but why can’t you TAKE advantage of that?? Be confident and stand up for yourself in a polite but firm way.

For example, when I lived in China I was always invited out to eat. At first I felt flattered and popular until I figured out (like every expat) that everybody only wanted me to teach their kids English (for free of course), translate documents for them (my Chinese is good) and do business with them. Every meal inevitably was followed by a direct commitment: for example, one of my Shaolin monk acquaintances kept inviting me out to eat. I finally consented and we went to a barbeque restaurant. At the end of the awkward meal he handed a book to me and said “that’s the book I wrote on martial arts – thanks for translating it for me!” (It didn’t happen! I just took it, smiled and ignored him)

Social psychology teaches that individuals in society are trained to be “good citizens” and obey authority (Milgram, Zimbardo, etc). Mormons, like most unscrupulous organizations, realize this and take advantage of it. The power of persuasion and manipulation is very potent and by utilizing these principles you can get what you want. Mormons force their beliefs upon others and try to commit people to following their weird way of life. I think people should just refuse them and do so in a confident and positive manner. What else can they do? They will have to smile and be nice as long as you are smiling and being nice. And take advantage of their manipulation (“sure, move me into my new apartment”) while continuing to stay in contact with them (which gives them hope)

So, how else can you control Mormons? Do you think Mormon behavior is predictable? Have you ever had any experiences with manipulating Mormons just like they manipulated you?

• I believe in thinking for myself. I believe that if you live your life by what other people say, you are a lazy child who isn’t willing to exert the effort of asking the hard questions of yourself. If you don’t bother to come up with your own philosophy and decide that a hand-me-down one is good enough for you, then you deserve what you get. There’s no such thing as a “general authority” on the mysteries of this world and the universe, and anyone calling themselves that is a scam artist.

• I believe in sex before marriage. I’ve fornicated with around two dozen women in my life, and it was great. I wouldn’t trade the experience for the world. Not having sex with your potential partner before you marry them is like a football team using their number one draft pick on a player they’ve never scouted. Kind of dumb, don’t you think?

• I believe in masturbation. I’m married and I still occasionally do it, usually if my wife is indisposed for whatever reason. I would encourage every male from the age of 13 to start fondling themselves. It’s better than going crazy and believe me, sexual repression will make you do crazy things.

• I believe in watching football on Sunday, going to restaurants, shopping, going swimming… basically doing anything other than stepping inside a church. Why waste a perfectly good day off? I also believe in working on Sunday, if it means supporting your family (or simply if your job requires it).

• I believe that coffee might just be about the best damn drink ever created. I drink several cups a day. I don't drink alcohol much, but that's for health reasons, not religious ones. Sometimes, I like to really tie one on (which means "drink a lot of alcohol"). I also think drugs, prostitution, and gambling should all be legalized and moderated by the government like alcohol is. Can you imagine how quickly we could pay down the national debt with all that new tax revenue? And what's the big deal about smoking a joint or paying for sex, anyway?

• I believe family is more important than church is (more important than anything, in fact). I know you guys think you believe that, but I actually live as though I believe it rather than just paying the idea lip service.

• I believe in investing 10% of your income in yourself, not some dubious organization. Are you going to take care of me when I retire, or is that up to me?

• I believe in exposing the church for the sham it is. I regularly write and post what could be considered anti-Mormon literature on the Internet (including this letter), and some of it is pretty good, if I do say so myself.

• I believe the concept of faith is a device used by religions to keep members in control. “Have faith or you suck at being religious” is probably the biggest scam perpetrated on the human race in history simply because it’s used to retain paying church members.

• I believe the Bible to be the most popular work of fiction in history. Who ever heard of talking snakes or people waking up from the dead? I wonder if Stephen King’s books will be as popular in 2000 years. It’s the same sort of subject matter. And don’t get me started on the Book of Mormon.

• I believe Joe Smith was a murderous, lying, womanizing, statutory rapist. I believe him to be as divine and righteous as Charles Manson, or more appropriately, Hitler. The ripple effect of lives affected and pain perpetrated by each man’s acts are about the same.

I believe Jesus was probably a fairly decent guy who’s reputation span out of control (that is, if he lived at all). He was god’s son? His mother was a virgin? HAHAHAHA!!! Good one. One thing is for sure; he’s a little late for his second coming, isn’t he? Just what kind of messiah is late? If I can’t rely on him to be on time, it makes me nervous about relying on him for my salvation.

• I believe that swearing is a great emotional release. Sometimes, I like to f****** swear. See what I mean? Call me crazy, but I think they’re just words.

• I believe there might be some kind of life after death, but I highly doubt that what we do in this lifetime has much bearing on what happens there. If all of eternity is influenced by such a short time span, something is definitely out of whack. I would think that a creator smart enough to do all this would enable a more reasonable ratio of deeds to rewards.

• I believe that to claim that you know anything for certain is the same as saying, “I’m an ignorant fool.” Nobody knows anything for sure. Telling me you know god lives makes me think you’ve suffered a serious blow to the head, because you must be seeing things. We all have a lot of ideas and beliefs, and some are better than others, but as soon as you move into the “I know” territory, you’ve stepped off your rocker. Let me remind you that only 500 years ago, everyone “knew” the Earth was flat.

• And finally, I believe god is something people believe in because they’re afraid to rely on themselves. I think it’s about escaping maturity. Same thing with the “devil,” whom I believe to be the biggest scapegoat ever created (“The devil made me do it…” Sheesh! What ever happened to personal responsibility?) I think it’s a mental disorder. And I feel superior for thinking it, too. It’s great for my ego.

• Oh, one other thing: I have absolutely no intention to ever attend any church again. I believe the root of all evil is organized religion, and have no idea how the concept of religion got mixed up and confused with spirituality. So, you couldn’t convert me for a billion dollars. Just wanted to make sure you understood that. There’s no need to call me to confirm since I won’t be changing my mind about this (my wife usually hangs up on Mormons anyway, so you might have trouble getting through).