FARMS defends hot dog sauce theft
Posted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 4:03 am
Dismayed by reports that BYU had stolen the recipe to a popular hot dog sauce sold off-campus, FARMS scholars held a press conference to defend the integrity of the institution.
"Any idea that something dishonest or unseemly took place is totally ridiculous," said an indignant Daniel Midgley-Welch. "The provenance of the recipe is well-known in scholarly circles."
Midgley-Welch explained that the recipe had been kept in BYU archives for many years before being unearthed recently. He displayed a fragment of what he claimed was the original recipe revealed in late 1843 by Joseph Smith, who was dining with the Partridge sisters in an isolated location outside of Nauvoo.
Upon closer inspection, reporters asked Midgley-Welch why the recipe looked like a well-worn UTA bus schedule.
"That's preposterous," chuckled the professor. "The problem is that we don't have all of the original recipe; everything but these fragments was destroyed in the Great Spanish Fork Fire of 1909."
"But it's a bus schedule," said a bewildered reporter.
Thought you would appreciate it. I'd post it, but don't want to inflame the board wars again.
"That shows how much you know," snapped Midgley-Welch. "The original was written in Reconstituted Libyan, and unless you know how to translate Reconstituted Libyan, I won't waste my time trying to explain it you."
"Doesn't that fragment say 'South Towne Mall 3:15"? asked another reporter.
"Look, we know that the original manuscript was at least three times as long as this fragment. The recipe must have been on the missing part of the bus schedule--I mean, manuscript."
"But the recipe is scribbled in the margins and dated last week," suggested a reporter from the Lake Shore Ledger.
"No, that was a later emendation totally unrelated to the manuscript."
"Dude, are you kidding?" said the reporter.
"That's enough!" snapped Midgley-Welch. "I'm going to draw up some Reconstituted Libyan characters, and until you can email me the proper translation, I'm not going even going to talk to you again. Are there any hot dogs left?"
"Any idea that something dishonest or unseemly took place is totally ridiculous," said an indignant Daniel Midgley-Welch. "The provenance of the recipe is well-known in scholarly circles."
Midgley-Welch explained that the recipe had been kept in BYU archives for many years before being unearthed recently. He displayed a fragment of what he claimed was the original recipe revealed in late 1843 by Joseph Smith, who was dining with the Partridge sisters in an isolated location outside of Nauvoo.
Upon closer inspection, reporters asked Midgley-Welch why the recipe looked like a well-worn UTA bus schedule.
"That's preposterous," chuckled the professor. "The problem is that we don't have all of the original recipe; everything but these fragments was destroyed in the Great Spanish Fork Fire of 1909."
"But it's a bus schedule," said a bewildered reporter.
Thought you would appreciate it. I'd post it, but don't want to inflame the board wars again.
"That shows how much you know," snapped Midgley-Welch. "The original was written in Reconstituted Libyan, and unless you know how to translate Reconstituted Libyan, I won't waste my time trying to explain it you."
"Doesn't that fragment say 'South Towne Mall 3:15"? asked another reporter.
"Look, we know that the original manuscript was at least three times as long as this fragment. The recipe must have been on the missing part of the bus schedule--I mean, manuscript."
"But the recipe is scribbled in the margins and dated last week," suggested a reporter from the Lake Shore Ledger.
"No, that was a later emendation totally unrelated to the manuscript."
"Dude, are you kidding?" said the reporter.
"That's enough!" snapped Midgley-Welch. "I'm going to draw up some Reconstituted Libyan characters, and until you can email me the proper translation, I'm not going even going to talk to you again. Are there any hot dogs left?"