Break from board wars - Funniest Mormon parody on the web.
Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 11:36 pm
Check out the Book of Zelph at http://www.bookofzelph.com. Who would have thought that Zelph the great white Lamanite warrior wrote a book. My favorite part is the promise made at the end which parodies Moroni's promise with the same type of circular reasoning.
How can you argue with logic like this. It even prophesies that people won't believe the book is true!! I would sign up to be a Book of Zelph apologist. With the roll the dice promise it can't be disproven.
2. Now many shall say this book be not a true book, for they shall think that it was made up, and that the things written in it did not really happen. And the enemies of this book shall say that because it has bad grammar, yea, it is not a true book, and because no evidence doth support it, yea, it is not a true book.
3. Nevertheless, believe not the words of the enemies of this book, for I challenge thee to take a gamble, and believe the words within this book, yea, even shall ye roll the dice on the truthfulness of this book. For many Lamanites do roll the dice, and gamble for money, but yea, no gamble shall be more important than betting on the truthfulness of this book.
4. And I promise thee that if ye ask if this book be not true, and roll a pair of dice with a sincere heart, and desire exceedingly for the book to be true, yea, the dice shall reveal the truthfulness of this book unto thee.
5. And if ye roll a seven, yea, it doth mean this book be a true book, and ye shall rejoice at the knowledge of the truthfulness of this book. For no learned man shall sway thy opinion with supposed evidences against this book, for once the dice have spoken the debate is over.
6. And if ye roll not a seven, yea, fear not that this book be not true, for this book is true, yea, even do I promise.
7. And something that is true cannot be proven untrue. Wherefore, if ye roll not a seven, it be not the fault of this book, and it doth prove not that this book be untrue, because this book is true, wherefore, it cannot be proven untrue.
8. Wherefore, if ye roll not a seven it was an error, and ye must roll the dice again, yea, even with a more sincere heart, and even desiring more to know the truth.
9. And if ye again roll not a seven, and if ye roll not a seven three times, yea, it be the fault of the dice. Wherefore, retrieve different dice, and roll again.
10. And ye must keep rolling dice until ye roll seven. And after the manner in which ye roll a seven, behold, ye shall rejoice at thy knowledge of the truthfulness of this book.
11. And I bear witness unto thee that ye shall know this book is true through the dice.
How can you argue with logic like this. It even prophesies that people won't believe the book is true!! I would sign up to be a Book of Zelph apologist. With the roll the dice promise it can't be disproven.