DiscussMormonism.com

...holding you back from becoming?

I was listening to this fascinating interview by Terri Gross on Fresh Air, of Novelist Joshua Ferris, who made his debut with Then We Came to the End, a satire about life in a Chicago advertising agency just as the dot-com boom went bust.

She started off by reading this excerpt "We had these sudden revelations that the daily 9-5 was driving us far from our better selves."

Gross asks Ferris " Did you feel that when you were working in the ad agency and then when you left, did you become the better person you thought your job was holding you back from becoming?"

Ferris responds, "I suspect that I had good days and bad days then and now, but that what happens is that it become so highlighte because you can't get away from the other person's gaze. You're always under a sort of big brother condition where somebody's always watching, somebody's always talking, you're always getting roped into conversations and you're saying things that suddenly you're either in agreement with the group or against the group and they all look at you like you're an alien and its that sort of a pressure cooker situation that made me feel like, Boy, here all of my flaws are being highlighted and if I could just get out, I could sort of be at home, then I'd be a better person. Likely it's probably that I'm just not being seen being at my worst."

Which I thought was a great metaphor for my experience with Mormonism after 9-11 which was for me an epiphany that religion was driving me far from my better self. Since having left Mormonism, I see myself in very similar terms as Ferris, after he left the ad agency, I don't know that I've become a better person, it's just that I'm not operating under the microscope of the big brother any more, nor am I governed by fear. Now I'm governed by my self, my conscience, reason, intuition, observation, experience and compassion and nobody but my family (and perhaps my clients) judge wether or not I'm becoming the better person I'm capable of becoming. At least I'm not living in the pressure cooker situation I once considered my lifestyle. I know I'm much healthier and my relationships are much healthier now that I don't have the added stress of trying to fit into the one size fits all standard Mormon mold anymore and I'm free to determine my own destiny and relationship with others/the universe/nature.

You?

[MODERATOR NOTE: The above was originally written by Koriwhore on RfM. Stan Fan a.k.a. Che Dali didn't give it proper credit.]

Did you become the better person you thought Mormonism was holding you back from becoming?

Nope. I left because I became convinced it wasn't true. Being held back or wanting something different wasn't even a factor.

Stan,

That's a question my wife has asked me a number of times. I haven't really asked myself that. I'm still in the damage path and the storm has not yet subsided. It depends on perspective.

She uses the question to prove that I am on the wrong path and that I am deceived. She says the truth should make us happy. but there is more than one kind of truth:

Things occur that create unrest in our soul

As humans, we are subject to "truths" or discoveries that don't necessarily make us happy or a better person:

You were molested as a child
One of your best friends molested your child while babysitting
Your spouse has slept with your business partner.
You just got cut off in traffic
Your steak is cold
Your spouse has an internet porn problem
Your home is built on a 100 year old landfill
There is someone on the road that will kill your daughter later tonight because they have decided to get wasted and drive
Betrayal and rape of a sacred trust by a faith based organization

It's life. It's a long list.

Things that we may choose to accept that can bring or maintain order, peace and hope (I'd call these guidelines)

When the traffic light is red, we should stop and wait.
Be kind, patient and forgiving to others
Be honest and truthful
Don't dig a pit for your neighbor

A good man said:

31 ..If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed;
32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
(New Testament | John 8:31 - 32)

I don't believe those like him were speaking of the truths on the first list above, He was speaking of how to free ourselves from pain, guilt and sorrow in spite of life's injustices. Jesus seems to have taught that it was His truths that made men free - not the crap that happens to us along the way.

Discovering the betrayal of a sacred trust authored by the Mormon church blurrs these two distinctions because Mormon philosophies are so intermingled with truths that can bring freedom, peace and happiness - and hope.

So just like recovering from molestation or a horrific accident, the truth of the nature of the Mormon church and what it has done to us is going to take time to heal - sometimes before we can see that we may have become a better person in spite of it.

I look forward to the time when I can say I am completely out and free from it's dark cloud. I agree with you.