so, what happened today in Sacrament meeting?

[_Sethbag]

So today we had a bunch of young 6 year olds (or thereabouts) get up and bear their testimonkeys, followed by some teenagers. And then a woman got up and, I kid you not, told us how God helped her find her car keys. I am not joking. They'd been missing for a whole week and she was starting to despair, and not ten minutes after she finally knelt and prayed to God to help her find the keys, the Holy Ghost lead her to look under a particular couch cushion, and there they were. Thank God. We had a few boring travelogs, and then it was over, and I went home*.

I just had to chuckle inside at the "God helped me find my keys" testimony.

After sacrament, while people were getting up to go to their next class, I remarked to my 14-year old daughter that isn't it interesting that there are kids in Africa starving, dieing of AIDS, and getting their limbs hacked off with machetes, and God doesn't seem to do anything to help them, but God sure is interested in helping us overweight, middle-class, American white folks find our keys. Halleluja! My daughter knows I think this way, and I think she actually gets it. Good for her. I can only hope, as she enters adulthood, that she does so with rational and critical thinking faculties intact. If that happens, my mission will have been accomplished.

*my wife makes me go to Sacrament meeting, but it's been probably a good six months or more since I went to SS or PM.

[_Polygamy Porter]

So today we had a bunch of young 6 year olds (or thereabouts) get up and bear their testimonkeys, followed by some teenagers. And then a woman got up and, I kid you not, told us how God helped her find her car keys. I am not joking. They'd been missing for a whole week and she was starting to despair, and not ten minutes after she finally knelt and prayed to God to help her find the keys, the Holy Ghost lead her to look under a particular couch cushion, and there they were. Thank God. We had a few boring travelogs, and then it was over, and I went home*.

I just had to chuckle inside at the "God helped me find my keys" testimony.

After sacrament, while people were getting up to go to their next class, I remarked to my 14-year old daughter that isn't it interesting that there are kids in Africa starving, dieing of AIDS, and getting their limbs hacked off with machetes, and God doesn't seem to do anything to help them, but God sure is interested in helping us overweight, middle-class, American white folks find our keys. Halleluja! My daughter knows I think this way, and I think she actually gets it. Good for her. I can only hope, as she enters adulthood, that she does so with rational and critical thinking faculties intact. If that happens, my mission will have been accomplished.

*my wife makes me go to Sacrament meeting, but it's been probably a good six months or more since I went to SS or PM.

So the cruel irony of the kids who drowned in the Tsunami, is it was probably caused by some lardass, middle-class, American white person who distracted God with a frivolous request to find their stupid car keys so that they could drive to Mc-f*****g-donalds to get another fat pill?

Halle-f*****g-lujah! Goddammit, God truly favors us! Our desire to stuff our faces is worth more in the sight of God than the lives of hundreds of thousands of people from another lower class country.

Sweet mother of Joseph, Lucy Mac Smith!

[_Ray A]

*my wife makes me go to Sacrament meeting...

Be thankful she doesn't make you bear testimony as well, while holding your hand and prompting you.

And here I was thinking that Mormon women were submissive, subservient, and powerless. Who ever gave me that idea?

[_Sethbag]

Yeah Ray, you're right. If I still acted in my marriage as if my Priesthood actually meant anything, I could just tell her to f*** off, right?

[_Ray A]

Yeah Ray, you're right. If I still acted in my marriage as if my Priesthood actually meant anything, I could just tell her to f*** off, right?

Of course you can't. Nor would I expect it. But "Mister Scratch" might accuse you of having "many faces". On a second thought, no, he won't. He only accuses "Mormon sympathisers" of having "many faces".

[_barrelomonkeys]

I don't really get the car keys blessing. I'm just astounded that people are so unaware of the amount of suffering in the rest of the world.

[_Ray A]

I don't really get the car keys blessing. I'm just astounded that people are so unaware of the amount of suffering in the rest of the world.

I can understand that POV. But if we were so concerned about "suffering in the rest of the world", why do we do so little about it, ourselves? Are you prepared to give up your microwave, your video recorder, your car, and all of your modern technology, to solve the problems of the rest of the world? Just think what we could do if everyone gave up modern luxuries and lived more simply, and all gave that money to help others?

Let's face it Barrel, we are all flaming hypocrites. Worried about your next your next home insurance payment - while an African starves to death?

[_The Nehor]

Yeah Ray, you're right. If I still acted in my marriage as if my Priesthood actually meant anything, I could just tell her to f*** off, right?

In a word, no. That would probably fall under the criteria in Section 121 that would make your Priesthood impotent.

[_The Dude]

I'd say the praying-for-car-keys bit is bad enough without comparing it to tsunami victims and such. If someone prays to find the keys and then he finds them, he gives God the credit for "inspiring the solution to pop into my brain" or whatever. If he doesn't find the keys, he chalks it up as something else. Look: how many times does a person have to do this exercise before he starts to feel ridiculous. Ridiculous in making excuses for why God didn't pop the solution from time to time? Ten? A hundred? Replace "praying to God" with "praying to the moon" and does the experiment look any different?

[_Trinity]

I don't really get the car keys blessing. I'm just astounded that people are so unaware of the amount of suffering in the rest of the world.

I can understand that POV. But if we were so concerned about "suffering in the rest of the world", why do we do so little about it, ourselves? Are you prepared to give up your microwave, your video recorder, your car, and all of your modern technology, to solve the problems of the rest of the world? Just think what we could do if everyone gave up modern luxuries and lived more simply, and all gave that money to help others?

Let's face it Barrel, we are all flaming hypocrites. Worried about your next your next home insurance payment - while an African starves to death?

Speak for yourself. I make a fair amount of money. I live in a modest home. I do not have any outstanding debt. I contributed 50K last year to charitable (nonLDS) organizations to help alleviate the suffering in the world and will likely do the same amount this year. I even pay fast offerings in my area because I know the funds will go directly to local human needs as opposed to corporate billion dollar mall profit needs. I am repulsed by conspicuous consumers who are so self-centered that their awareness of suffering extends only to the high cost of getting the oil replaced in their BMW. I am unfortunately surrounded by Mormon millionaires who parade around in these "blessings from God" and see their material wealth as divine entitlement. They make me grumpy.

My 13 year old son recently asked for me to pull $200 from his account to donate to World Vision after seeing me do some research online with regards to microloans. My 16 year old donated $50 to the recent One.org American Idol campaign to help fund medication to eliminate malaria.

We are not all flaming hypocrites. Some of us can, and do put our money and energy where our mouth is.