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(This was originally posted to Free-Saints on 7/25/2000 by Bill Barton)

Joseph Smith and his twelve apostles drop by the house and are sitting at the kitchen table for a visit. There is a freshly baked blueberry pie on the table, which happens to be Joseph's favorite kind of pie.

The host indicates that the pie is intended for a charity function and hence cannot be offered to the visitors; rather he offers to serve the guests some beverages instead.

As he turns around to open the cabinet the host hears a muffled sucking sound, and looks back to find the source. He sees the partially eaten pie in front of Joseph Smith. Crumbs are falling out of Joseph's mouth and blueberries are all over Joseph's face.

The host requests statements from his guests as to what happened when he wasn't looking. The responses are as follows:

Apostle 1: You admit you didn't see so you can't accuse anyone.

Apostle 2: None of us saw anything either.

Apostle 3: You don't know that's your pie on the table.

Apostle 4: Those aren't blueberries on Joseph's face.

Apostle 5: Those aren't pie crumbs in Joseph's mouth.

Apostle 6: You can't prove the blueberries on Joseph's face are from your pie.

Apostle 7: You can't prove the crumbs in Joseph's mouth are from your pie.

Apostle 8: You can't prove that is Joseph's face.

Apostle 9: You can't prove that is Joseph's mouth.

Apostle 10: You can't prove that is Joseph Smith.

Apostle 11: Perhaps the pie slipped off the table into Joseph's mouth.

Apostle 12: Perhaps someone threw the pie at Joseph.

Joseph Smith: What a thing it is for a man to be accused of stealing a pie. I am as innocent now as I was fourteen years ago.


The host considers the statements and quickly sees that the key to the mystery lies in the statement of Joseph Smith. How did the host know Joseph was lying?

I wonder how many Mormons think OJ Simpson and Michael Vick are innocent, too. If they are consistent in their thinking, they would.

This story is obviously meant to make Joseph Smith as guilty. However, in reality I think it worth considering that sometimes we do jump to false conclusions. In the Lord of the Rings, Smeagol decides to frame Sam as having eaten the food in the hopes of separating Sam from Frodo. I'm not saying this is the case with Joseph Smith, rather I think it shows that we should be cautious about jumping to conclusions that, on the surface, seem obvious.

Calculus Crusader wrote:(This was originally posted to Free-Saints on 7/25/2000 by Bill Barton)

Joseph Smith and his twelve apostles drop by the house and are sitting at the kitchen table for a visit. There is a freshly baked blueberry pie on the table, which happens to be Joseph's favorite kind of pie.

The host indicates that the pie is intended for a charity function and hence cannot be offered to the visitors; rather he offers to serve the guests some beverages instead.

As he turns around to open the cabinet the host hears a muffled sucking sound, and looks back to find the source. He sees the partially eaten pie in front of Joseph Smith. Crumbs are falling out of Joseph's mouth and blueberries are all over Joseph's face.

The host requests statements from his guests as to what happened when he wasn't looking. The responses are as follows:

Apostle 1: You admit you didn't see so you can't accuse anyone.

Apostle 2: None of us saw anything either.

Apostle 3: You don't know that's your pie on the table.

Apostle 4: Those aren't blueberries on Joseph's face.

Apostle 5: Those aren't pie crumbs in Joseph's mouth.

Apostle 6: You can't prove the blueberries on Joseph's face are from your pie.

Apostle 7: You can't prove the crumbs in Joseph's mouth are from your pie.

Apostle 8: You can't prove that is Joseph's face.

Apostle 9: You can't prove that is Joseph's mouth.

Apostle 10: You can't prove that is Joseph Smith.

Apostle 11: Perhaps the pie slipped off the table into Joseph's mouth.

Apostle 12: Perhaps someone threw the pie at Joseph.

Joseph Smith: What a thing it is for a man to be accused of stealing a pie. I am as innocent now as I was fourteen years ago.


The host considers the statements and quickly sees that the key to the mystery lies in the statement of Joseph Smith. How did the host know Joseph was lying?

The host is Fanny Alger, and knows that 14 years ago Joseph Smith was guilty as sin?

Calculus Crusader wrote: Joseph Smith and his twelve apostles drop by the house and are sitting at the kitchen table for a visit. There is a freshly baked blueberry pie on the table, which happens to be Joseph's favorite kind of pie.

The host indicates that the pie is intended for a charity function and hence cannot be offered to the visitors; rather he offers to serve the guests some beverages instead.

As he turns around to open the cabinet the host hears a muffled sucking sound, and looks back to find the source. He sees the partially eaten pie in front of Joseph Smith. Crumbs are falling out of Joseph's mouth and blueberries are all over Joseph's face.

The host requests statements from his guests as to what happened when he wasn't looking. The responses are as follows:

Apostle 1: You admit you didn't see so you can't accuse anyone.

Apostle 2: None of us saw anything either.

Apostle 3: You don't know that's your pie on the table.

Apostle 4: Those aren't blueberries on Joseph's face.

Apostle 5: Those aren't pie crumbs in Joseph's mouth.

Apostle 6: You can't prove the blueberries on Joseph's face are from your pie.

Apostle 7: You can't prove the crumbs in Joseph's mouth are from your pie.

Apostle 8: You can't prove that is Joseph's face.

Apostle 9: You can't prove that is Joseph's mouth.

Apostle 10: You can't prove that is Joseph Smith.

Apostle 11: Perhaps the pie slipped off the table into Joseph's mouth.

Apostle 12: Perhaps someone threw the pie at Joseph.

Joseph Smith: What a thing it is for a man to be accused of stealing a pie. I am as innocent now as I was fourteen years ago.


The host considers the statements and quickly sees that the key to the mystery lies in the statement of Joseph Smith. How did the host know Joseph was lying?

Now remember Moksha, when you here the line, "Hi, Simple Simon" from the Pieman, that is your cue.