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We hear all the time how Satan and his minions are fighting with all their might against the church in attempt to thwart its mission. Satan is using all the weapons at his disposal: the Internet, with its false and malicious information about the church, not to mention pornography; and temptations and distractions to lead church members away from the iron rod.

But I have it on good authority that, after a particularly dry high council speaker and an equally monotonous "straight from the manual" Gospel Doctrine lesson, Satan has thrown in the towel. "It's just too damned boring. I keep trying to fight against it, but it's hard to destroy God's plan when you're fighting to stay awake."

Rumor has it that Satan has handed off the church to his most trusted employees: Amway distributors. The church had better be on a heightened state of alert.

Runtu wrote:Rumor has it that Satan has handed off the church to his most trusted employees: Amway distributors. The church had better be on a heightened state of alert.

Them and this surreal phenomenon called "apologetics".

Runtu wrote:Rumor has it that Satan has handed off the church to his most trusted employees: Amway distributors. The church had better be on a heightened state of alert.

My MTC companion was an Amway acolyte. He tried to sell me on the benefits of Satan's plan. I resisted his cunning tactics. I think he's a bishop now...infiltrating the church from the inside. Noni juice and magnetic bracelets. $90 bottles of vitamins and herbal remedies. Pyramids of false priesthood power. The end is nigh.

You have missed the really evil ones. You know the guys who hav 13 items in their baskets in the limit 12 item lane. Oh, the inhumanity!

charity wrote:You have missed the really evil ones. You know the guys who hav 13 items in their baskets in the limit 12 item lane. Oh, the inhumanity!

But those two cans of soup are really like just one item, not two - I swear!

charity wrote:You have missed the really evil ones. You know the guys who hav 13 items in their baskets in the limit 12 item lane. Oh, the inhumanity!

You know what I've found funny about Utah grocery stores? In Texas, the self-serve aisles in the store are for people with 15 items or less. Here in Utah, there's no limit, so you have people with two shopping carts full of stuff trying to scan and bag their own groceries. I wonder about people sometimes.

Runtu wrote:

charity wrote:You have missed the really evil ones. You know the guys who hav 13 items in their baskets in the limit 12 item lane. Oh, the inhumanity!

You know what I've found funny about Utah grocery stores? In Texas, the self-serve aisles in the store are for people with 15 items or less. Here in Utah, there's no limit, so you have people with two shopping carts full of stuff trying to scan and bag their own groceries. I wonder about people sometimes.

I stopped wondering about people long ago (shortly after I had a job where I had to work with realtors).

Runtu wrote:...not to mention pornography; ... to lead church members away from the iron rod.

I don't know about you, but pornography has always lead me *toward* an iron rod.

Inconceivable wrote:Them and this surreal phenomenon called "apologetics".

LOL! I always wondered where the sons of perdition would come from. Now I know.

charity wrote:You have missed the really evil ones. You know the guys who hav 13 items in their baskets in the limit 12 item lane. Oh, the inhumanity!

LOL! Awesome. Too funny.