The Mid-Length, Mostly Unhappy Life of Franklynn Carmichael
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_EAllusion
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Re: The Mid-Length, Mostly Unhappy Life of Franklynn Carmich
Analytics wrote:Hi Brother Bobberson,
I just wanted to let you know I enjoy these stories. If imitation is the highest form of flattery, you will be flattered to know that I did my best to imitate your writing style in a professional newsletter article:
https://www.soa.org/library/newsletters ... iss36.aspx
Page 30.
Warmest regards,
Brother Analytics
If only Peter Renvik, the actuarial man from Payson, Utah, could have shown up at the end of this Long-Term Care Insurance article with a Samsonite attaché case full of salt water taffy and a large crate recently returned from Oregon, it would have been perfect.
Cry Heaven and let loose the Penguins of Peace
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_Bob Bobberson
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Re: The Mid-Length, Mostly Unhappy Life of Franklynn Carmich
Part VI: The Documentary Hypothesis
"In conclusion, I believe that, by continuing to extend the work of Baden and others, we can deepen our understanding of this profoundly important scriptural text." Dylan Cross, curly haired and boyish, set down the papers he'd been reading from, and look up shyly at the crowd. "Thank you," he said, and the people gathered in the room applauded. It was day two of the seminar, which had been lively and well-attended. In the audience were several of the Hinton Institute employees, who were sitting in strategically chosen spots.
Hugh Stolz, who was overseeing the conference, stood up and took the microphone: "Okay, great. Terrific. Thanks to our three panelists for the wonderful papers they presented to today. At this point in time, I'd like to open it up for questions from the audience. Yes, ma'am: right there."
A woman with shoulder-length grey hair stood up. "Yes, I thought all three presentations were wonderful, but my specific question is for Margene. In your talk, you mentioned that it's possible to view the Book of Mormon through a feminist lens, even if so much of the text seems to have been written through the male gaze. Could you talk a little bit more about that?"
Margene Kimball, in her late twenties, a newly minted PhD out of Yale, leaned forward to speak into the microphone. "Sure," she said, "I think it's easy to just assume that all the parts of the Book of Mormon were written by men. That's what most of us were taught, but as I think you heard in all the presentations today, there is strong evidence to indicate that the different books and chapters weren't necessarily written by the people we think, and, sure, I think there's a strong possibility that some parts of the Book of Mormon were written by women. I mean, I would just point to 3rd Nephi as one of the places that clearly shows that parts of the book were written by 'other' people."
On the other side of the room, Nephi Clark was coughing very loudly.
Up front, Herb McConkie had raised his hand.
"Herb?" said Hugh Stolz.
"Yeah, uh, " he said, clearing his throat. "My question's for young Brother Cross. I know that the so-called 'Documentary Hypothesis' is fashionable in certain circles, but let's face it: it's an inexact science at best. But what I'm wondering most, though, is if you view Joseph Smith as a 'redactor.'"
Cross seemed slightly taken aback by the question. "I'm not quite sure where you're going with..."
"Oh, was I not clear?" said Herb, cutting him off. "I'm asking you if you think the Prophet Joseph was a redactor. Yes or no. Simple, right? Did you understand that?"
Hugh Stolz, standing up next to the table of presenters, shifted uncomfortably."
"Yeah, yeah, I understood you," said Dylan Cross. "At least I think I did. Are you asking me whether I subscribe to a loose or a tight translation?"
"No," said Herb McConkie. In the back of the room, Merlyn Young and Nephi Clark were laughing. "I asked you if you thought the prophet, our founding prophet, who gave us the restored gospel, was a redactor. R-E-D-A-C-T-O-R. It's not that hard, Brother Cross."
Hugh Stolz looked helpless and confused as to what to do.
"Uh," said Dylan Cross. "Well, I guess that's kind of outside the scope of the paper I gave, isn't it? My focus is on the Book of Mormon text itself."
"Just answer the question!" Howell Lambeth called out.
Cross glanced over in his direction: "The only honest answer I can give is that I don't know."
"So you're saying it's possible that Joseph Smith was a redactor."
"Yeah, sure, I guess so." He laughed slightly. There was a palpable tension in the room.
In the back, Howell had folded his arms across his chest, and he was smiling faintly. Hugh Stolz called on another person, who asked Margene Kimball about one of the sources she'd used. And then Franklynn raised his hand and Hugh pointed to him: "Go ahead."
"My question is for Dylan," he said. "I think you did some impressive work with the source documents. Dr. Stolz told me about some of the archives you managed to get access to. Archives that even long-time professors have had difficulty accessing. And part of the reason for that is simply that these are precious, delicate documents that have to be handled with care. But as those of us who with old Mormon documents know, another reason why access is tight is because of Mark Hofmann. So what I want to know from you is, How can you be sure that your key documents aren't forgeries?"
The room was very quiet save for some whispering from the back, where Merlyn and Nephi were saying something. Up front, Dylan Cross had begun to blush slightly. And in his seat, Franklynn had begun to sweat. He didn't quite feel right about putting Cross on the spot like this, but he knew that he had to do as he'd been told.
"Other scholars have used these documents, too," Cross said. "I don't know what to tell you about the access problems you mentioned. I had some help from Elder Gladstone getting in to see the documents. As for the question of forgeries... Well, I don't know. If someone goes in and verifies that they are indeed forgeries, then of course I'll need to make some adjustments to my arguments. But most of what I've said about the complex authorship of the Book of Mormon, particularly the seeming authorial unity that it has... Well, I think the evidence is right there in the text."
"If you used forgeries, it means you were duped. It's as simple as that," said Howell.
"Well, as I recall," Hugh Stolz interrupted, at last, "there was an article published in the Journal of HIDM back in the '80s that relied pretty heavily on the Salamander Letter. So I guess even the most studious among us can be fooled from time to time."
Franklynn tried to suppress a chuckle. Of course, Hugh was referring to an article that Howell himself had written. This had been before Frank joined the institute, but he'd heard about how livid Howell had been when the forgeries were exposed. One of the Brethren had even advised him to print a retraction in the journal, but Howell had refused. "It'll be a cold day in hell when I ever stoop to such a thing," he had reportedly said. Frank glanced over his shoulder, and sure enough: Howell's jaw was set in anger.
"All right, everyone," Hugh went on. "Thank you again for coming, and thank you to our presenters for their excellent papers."
There was another round of applause, and then everyone stood up and made their way out of the room. In the back corner, Merlyn, Howell, Nephi, Herb, Frank, and a few others gathered.
"I've got to say, I was pretty disappointed in Hugh," said Merlyn.
"Some things don't need to be said or pointed out," Howell said. He was shaking slightly. "But we've got other things to take care of. The last afternoon sessions don't start for another hour and a half, and I just got a text from Elder Sutcliffe. He wants to meet with us."
"What, now?" said Nephi.
"I saw him earlier," said Merlyn. "He's kind of been floating from session to session. Suffice it to say that the Brethren aren't exactly happy about some of the things that have been happening at this seminar."
"Oh, and understandably," said Herb.
They all nodded.
"So, what do you say? Fifteen minutes, and we'll all meet over at the Institute?"
"Sounds good,"
"Yeah, yeah. Sure."
"Okay."
"Okay, then," said Howell, and he moved away and began dialing on his cell phone.
Franklynn turned to leave and saw Dylan Cross still sitting up at the table, making some final notes. He glanced up and smiled wanly at Franklynn, and Franklynn nodded to him. From where he stood, Dylan looked very young and innocent. He was just a kid, trying to make his way in the academic world. So why was it that they'd ganged up on him? Some of his ideas were cuckoo, but wasn't that just part of the territory? The bad ideas would ultimately get weeded out. On the other hand, a part of Franklynn resented Dylan Cross, who seemed to have his act together. Things that Franklynn would have had to struggle with in graduate school seemed to come naturally to Cross: at least based on what he'd heard through the grapevine. Still, something seemed rotten about what they'd done, and after today's session, Franklynn knew that Howell, Merlyn, and the others would have further plans for Dylan Cross.
As he walked away, Franklynn tried hard to determine whether he was being told something by the Holy Ghost, or whether he was simply experiencing yet another moment of weakness.
To be continued in Part VII: Small Beginnings
"In conclusion, I believe that, by continuing to extend the work of Baden and others, we can deepen our understanding of this profoundly important scriptural text." Dylan Cross, curly haired and boyish, set down the papers he'd been reading from, and look up shyly at the crowd. "Thank you," he said, and the people gathered in the room applauded. It was day two of the seminar, which had been lively and well-attended. In the audience were several of the Hinton Institute employees, who were sitting in strategically chosen spots.
Hugh Stolz, who was overseeing the conference, stood up and took the microphone: "Okay, great. Terrific. Thanks to our three panelists for the wonderful papers they presented to today. At this point in time, I'd like to open it up for questions from the audience. Yes, ma'am: right there."
A woman with shoulder-length grey hair stood up. "Yes, I thought all three presentations were wonderful, but my specific question is for Margene. In your talk, you mentioned that it's possible to view the Book of Mormon through a feminist lens, even if so much of the text seems to have been written through the male gaze. Could you talk a little bit more about that?"
Margene Kimball, in her late twenties, a newly minted PhD out of Yale, leaned forward to speak into the microphone. "Sure," she said, "I think it's easy to just assume that all the parts of the Book of Mormon were written by men. That's what most of us were taught, but as I think you heard in all the presentations today, there is strong evidence to indicate that the different books and chapters weren't necessarily written by the people we think, and, sure, I think there's a strong possibility that some parts of the Book of Mormon were written by women. I mean, I would just point to 3rd Nephi as one of the places that clearly shows that parts of the book were written by 'other' people."
On the other side of the room, Nephi Clark was coughing very loudly.
Up front, Herb McConkie had raised his hand.
"Herb?" said Hugh Stolz.
"Yeah, uh, " he said, clearing his throat. "My question's for young Brother Cross. I know that the so-called 'Documentary Hypothesis' is fashionable in certain circles, but let's face it: it's an inexact science at best. But what I'm wondering most, though, is if you view Joseph Smith as a 'redactor.'"
Cross seemed slightly taken aback by the question. "I'm not quite sure where you're going with..."
"Oh, was I not clear?" said Herb, cutting him off. "I'm asking you if you think the Prophet Joseph was a redactor. Yes or no. Simple, right? Did you understand that?"
Hugh Stolz, standing up next to the table of presenters, shifted uncomfortably."
"Yeah, yeah, I understood you," said Dylan Cross. "At least I think I did. Are you asking me whether I subscribe to a loose or a tight translation?"
"No," said Herb McConkie. In the back of the room, Merlyn Young and Nephi Clark were laughing. "I asked you if you thought the prophet, our founding prophet, who gave us the restored gospel, was a redactor. R-E-D-A-C-T-O-R. It's not that hard, Brother Cross."
Hugh Stolz looked helpless and confused as to what to do.
"Uh," said Dylan Cross. "Well, I guess that's kind of outside the scope of the paper I gave, isn't it? My focus is on the Book of Mormon text itself."
"Just answer the question!" Howell Lambeth called out.
Cross glanced over in his direction: "The only honest answer I can give is that I don't know."
"So you're saying it's possible that Joseph Smith was a redactor."
"Yeah, sure, I guess so." He laughed slightly. There was a palpable tension in the room.
In the back, Howell had folded his arms across his chest, and he was smiling faintly. Hugh Stolz called on another person, who asked Margene Kimball about one of the sources she'd used. And then Franklynn raised his hand and Hugh pointed to him: "Go ahead."
"My question is for Dylan," he said. "I think you did some impressive work with the source documents. Dr. Stolz told me about some of the archives you managed to get access to. Archives that even long-time professors have had difficulty accessing. And part of the reason for that is simply that these are precious, delicate documents that have to be handled with care. But as those of us who with old Mormon documents know, another reason why access is tight is because of Mark Hofmann. So what I want to know from you is, How can you be sure that your key documents aren't forgeries?"
The room was very quiet save for some whispering from the back, where Merlyn and Nephi were saying something. Up front, Dylan Cross had begun to blush slightly. And in his seat, Franklynn had begun to sweat. He didn't quite feel right about putting Cross on the spot like this, but he knew that he had to do as he'd been told.
"Other scholars have used these documents, too," Cross said. "I don't know what to tell you about the access problems you mentioned. I had some help from Elder Gladstone getting in to see the documents. As for the question of forgeries... Well, I don't know. If someone goes in and verifies that they are indeed forgeries, then of course I'll need to make some adjustments to my arguments. But most of what I've said about the complex authorship of the Book of Mormon, particularly the seeming authorial unity that it has... Well, I think the evidence is right there in the text."
"If you used forgeries, it means you were duped. It's as simple as that," said Howell.
"Well, as I recall," Hugh Stolz interrupted, at last, "there was an article published in the Journal of HIDM back in the '80s that relied pretty heavily on the Salamander Letter. So I guess even the most studious among us can be fooled from time to time."
Franklynn tried to suppress a chuckle. Of course, Hugh was referring to an article that Howell himself had written. This had been before Frank joined the institute, but he'd heard about how livid Howell had been when the forgeries were exposed. One of the Brethren had even advised him to print a retraction in the journal, but Howell had refused. "It'll be a cold day in hell when I ever stoop to such a thing," he had reportedly said. Frank glanced over his shoulder, and sure enough: Howell's jaw was set in anger.
"All right, everyone," Hugh went on. "Thank you again for coming, and thank you to our presenters for their excellent papers."
There was another round of applause, and then everyone stood up and made their way out of the room. In the back corner, Merlyn, Howell, Nephi, Herb, Frank, and a few others gathered.
"I've got to say, I was pretty disappointed in Hugh," said Merlyn.
"Some things don't need to be said or pointed out," Howell said. He was shaking slightly. "But we've got other things to take care of. The last afternoon sessions don't start for another hour and a half, and I just got a text from Elder Sutcliffe. He wants to meet with us."
"What, now?" said Nephi.
"I saw him earlier," said Merlyn. "He's kind of been floating from session to session. Suffice it to say that the Brethren aren't exactly happy about some of the things that have been happening at this seminar."
"Oh, and understandably," said Herb.
They all nodded.
"So, what do you say? Fifteen minutes, and we'll all meet over at the Institute?"
"Sounds good,"
"Yeah, yeah. Sure."
"Okay."
"Okay, then," said Howell, and he moved away and began dialing on his cell phone.
Franklynn turned to leave and saw Dylan Cross still sitting up at the table, making some final notes. He glanced up and smiled wanly at Franklynn, and Franklynn nodded to him. From where he stood, Dylan looked very young and innocent. He was just a kid, trying to make his way in the academic world. So why was it that they'd ganged up on him? Some of his ideas were cuckoo, but wasn't that just part of the territory? The bad ideas would ultimately get weeded out. On the other hand, a part of Franklynn resented Dylan Cross, who seemed to have his act together. Things that Franklynn would have had to struggle with in graduate school seemed to come naturally to Cross: at least based on what he'd heard through the grapevine. Still, something seemed rotten about what they'd done, and after today's session, Franklynn knew that Howell, Merlyn, and the others would have further plans for Dylan Cross.
As he walked away, Franklynn tried hard to determine whether he was being told something by the Holy Ghost, or whether he was simply experiencing yet another moment of weakness.
To be continued in Part VII: Small Beginnings
Twitter: @robert_oberson
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_Everybody Wang Chung
- _Emeritus
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Re: The Mid-Length, Mostly Unhappy Life of Franklynn Carmich
Thank God for Bobberson! I was starting to give up hope with all of the Dehlin threads.
This was another excellent entry. Brilliant writing:
This was another excellent entry. Brilliant writing:
"Well, as I recall," Hugh Stolz interrupted, at last, "there was an article published in the Journal of HIDM back in the '80s that relied pretty heavily on the Salamander Letter. So I guess even the most studious among us can be fooled from time to time."
Franklynn tried to suppress a chuckle. Of course, Hugh was referring to an article that Howell himself had written. This had been before Frank joined the institute, but he'd heard about how livid Howell had been when the forgeries were exposed. One of the Brethren had even advised him to print a retraction in the journal, but Howell had refused. "It'll be a cold day in hell when I ever stoop to such a thing," he had reportedly said. Frank glanced over his shoulder, and sure enough: Howell's jaw was set in anger.
"I'm on paid sabbatical from BYU in exchange for my promise to use this time to finish two books."
Daniel C. Peterson, 2014
Daniel C. Peterson, 2014
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_Doctor CamNC4Me
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Re: The Mid-Length, Mostly Unhappy Life of Franklynn Carmich
You know, it would be really helpful if someone who is a little more dialed in to apologist personalities than myself could match the characters with their real-life counterparts. Is anyone game?
- Doc
- Doc
In the face of madness, rationality has no power - Xiao Wang, US historiographer, 2287 AD.
Every record...falsified, every book rewritten...every statue...has been renamed or torn down, every date...altered...the process is continuing...minute by minute. History has stopped. Nothing exists except an endless present in which the Ideology is always right.
Every record...falsified, every book rewritten...every statue...has been renamed or torn down, every date...altered...the process is continuing...minute by minute. History has stopped. Nothing exists except an endless present in which the Ideology is always right.
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_Dr. Shades
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 14117
- Joined: Mon Oct 23, 2006 9:07 pm
Re: The Mid-Length, Mostly Unhappy Life of Franklynn Carmich
Doctor CamNC4Me wrote:You know, it would be really helpful if someone who is a little more dialed in to apologist personalities than myself could match the characters with their real-life counterparts. Is anyone game?
I second that. Mr. Bobberson, if you'd kindly take the time to PM me that, I'd be greatly appreciative!
"Finally, for your rather strange idea that miracles are somehow linked to the amount of gay sexual gratification that is taking place would require that primitive Christianity was launched by gay sex, would it not?"
--Louis Midgley
--Louis Midgley
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_Kittens_and_Jesus
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Re: The Mid-Length, Mostly Unhappy Life of Franklynn Carmich
Everybody Wang Chung wrote:
Brilliant!
Bobberson's prose has an almost Hemingway simplicity, yet very evocative imagery.
I'm hoping at some future installment Carbuncle will finally make it to Lagoon.
Your comment baffles me.
I agree that Bobberson has a simple approach with evocative imagery, but I think that's more Vonnegut's style than Hemingway's.
I love reading. I read War and Peace for the hell of it, and enjoyed it a great deal. I've read the Bronte sisters, Hesse, Tolstoy, Milton, Kafka, Joyce, etc. I read scifi, I read fantasy, I read ancient Greek plays. I once read the Epic of Gilgamesh.
I'm like the Twilight Zone guy. "It's not fair, there's time now..."
I read that much.
Hemingway did indeed have a simplicity to it. I thought it a reflection of the simple mind of a misogynist obsessed with machismo and corrupted by delusions of grandeur.
As soon as you concern yourself with the 'good' and 'bad' of your fellows, you create an opening in your heart for maliciousness to enter. Testing, competing with, and criticizing others weaken and defeat you. - O'Sensei
The Mid-Length, Mostly Unhappy Life of Franklynn Carmich
Kittens_and_Jesus wrote:... but I think that's more Vonnegut's style than Hemingway's.
Only two people could paint the Kafkaesque world of the Hinton Institute with such accuracy: Bob Bobberson and Kilgore Trout.
Mr. Trout was last seen on Tralfamadore working on a rewrite of the All-Mormon version of the RMS Titanic. The Tralfamadorians insist on the utmost accuracy, but curiously have commissioned a twice life size version of the Titanic, meant to convey double the passenger manifest.
Mr. Trout will be in Provo, Utah in the spring of 2016 when the producers will be hiring a cast of nearly four thousand extras. Expect lucrative bonuses because the Tralfamadorians will spare no expense in creating true to history details.
Cry Heaven and let loose the Penguins of Peace
Re: The Mid-Length, Mostly Unhappy Life of Franklynn Carmich
Dr. Shades wrote:I second that. Mr. Bobberson, if you'd kindly take the time to PM me that, I'd be greatly appreciative!Doctor CamNC4Me wrote:You know, it would be really helpful if someone who is a little more dialed in to apologist personalities than myself could match the characters with their real-life counterparts. Is anyone game?
You could identify Mr. Bobberson by his IP addresses, then PM him as original member.
As You did it, when You banned my pictures.
Then, You banned the pictures of my sockpuppets here, the same time as MY (ludwigm's) one.
That sockpuppets (my doppelgangers) have never exceeded Your picture limits, by the way. And that sockpuppets have only a few comments, that comments put some colours (Quasimodo !) to the threads they I took part.
Sorry, pals, I am in free-spoken mode today.
Damme...
- Whenever a poet or preacher, chief or wizard spouts gibberish, the human race spends centuries deciphering the message. - Umberto Eco
- To assert that the earth revolves around the sun is as erroneous as to claim that Jesus was not born of a virgin. - Cardinal Bellarmine at the trial of Galilei
- To assert that the earth revolves around the sun is as erroneous as to claim that Jesus was not born of a virgin. - Cardinal Bellarmine at the trial of Galilei
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_Dr. Shades
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Re: The Mid-Length, Mostly Unhappy Life of Franklynn Carmich
ludwigm wrote:That sockpuppets (my doppelgangers) have never exceeded Your picture limits, by the way.
But the human being in control of them did. That's what matters.
Sorry, pals, I am in free-spoken mode today.
Unlike every other day?
"Finally, for your rather strange idea that miracles are somehow linked to the amount of gay sexual gratification that is taking place would require that primitive Christianity was launched by gay sex, would it not?"
--Louis Midgley
--Louis Midgley