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I did a guest post at the Exponent on BYU's unusual practice of changing alumni listings without the consent of their graduates, especially married alumnae last names.

https://www.the-exponent.com/guest-post ... nae-names/

I very much appreciated this post!

I did not change my name when I married, and it was a trial for my in-laws and members, and record-keeping in every ward we attended. Twice after we moved, a ward clerk took it upon himself to 'correct' my name on church records. One stubbornly refused to fix his mistake, even after I offered to submit my birth certificate, drivers license, and social security card. His reasoning was that none of those documents, which pre-dated my marriage, proved that I didn't change my name when I married. He said I would need to go before a judge to obtain written documentation of my legal name. This went on for weeks. Our home teacher was in the bishopric and when he came for a first visit, I appealed to him and he saw it fixed.

It's easy to say "Well, that's just one rogue clerk, not really church culture." His overreach may have been exceptional, but the beliefs that motivated it were not. I had to explain and justify myself in every ward repeatedly. Minds were blown whenever I suggested that the solution for how to list me in the ward directory was to give me my own entry. They couldn't wrap their minds around the idea of a woman who felt comfortable being regarded as an individual separable from her husband.

It's just not that hard to regard a woman as a person. You afford her the same respect you afford every man. Everyone knows how to do it and no one complains that it's too complicated in the male case.

Names are important symbols, and to impose incorrect names on an individual, or embrace sloppy record-keeping policies which result in published errors, is to disregard an individual's status as a person. It's not a small thing.

MsJack wrote:I did a guest post at the Exponent on BYU's unusual practice of changing alumni listings without the consent of their graduates, especially married alumnae last names.

https://www.the-exponent.com/guest-post ... nae-names/

How did BYU know you married recently?

Given that I haven't been in touch with BYU for years, I'm amazed how much they know about me.

Seems like the BYU Alumni magazine was always sent to my new address whenever I moved. Do they use church membership records? Also, I recently registered with their online alumni network, only to be surprised that they already knew of my current firm, something that I had never told them.

With regard to last names, my wife and I had the discussion when we were married 25 years ago. I asked if she wanted to keep her own name and assured her that it wasn't an issue for me. She took on my last name because she hated being a Smith.

In the first ward we were in after we got married, there were a number of other newly wed couples. One of the women kept her maiden name, and it was certainly interesting to hear her stories about how some in the ward couldn't handle that.

Aoife wrote:I did not change my name when I married, and it was a trial for my in-laws and members, and record-keeping in every ward we attended. Twice after we moved, a ward clerk took it upon himself to 'correct' my name on church records. One stubbornly refused to fix his mistake, even after I offered to submit my birth certificate, drivers license, and social security card. His reasoning was that none of those documents, which pre-dated my marriage, proved that I didn't change my name when I married. He said I would need to go before a judge to obtain written documentation of my legal name. This went on for weeks. Our home teacher was in the bishopric and when he came for a first visit, I appealed to him and he saw it fixed.

WOW. "Siri, show me 'mansplaining.'"

This didn't involve the Mormon church, but I changed my middle name from "Leanne" to "Jack" when I got married in 2003. I had "Bridget Jack Meyers" on both my Utah driver's license and my Washington state driver's license. When I moved to Illinois, I tried to get an Illinois driver's license and showed them my documentation (marriage license, birth certificate, Social Security Card, old driver's licenses, etc.). The Social Security Card said "Bridget Jack Meyers." They replied, "Yeah, but where does the 'Jack' come from?" I said it was a nickname that I'd had in high school and I'd dropped my birth middle name and made it my middle name when I got married because marriage is a free legal name change to anything you want. They said, "Yeah, but where does it come from?!" They just kept on arguing with me that they couldn't issue me a driver's license because "Jack" didn't come from birth or marriage. They said I would need to get an attorney just to get a driver's license.

Finally I got a supervisor out on the floor and he grudgingly agreed to issue me a driver's license in the name of "Bridget Meyers" only. I still signed it "Bridget Jack Meyers."

To this day, my Illinois driver's license says "Bridget Jeffries" with no middle name (though my full name is stubbornly signed). I'm an employee of the State of Illinois and apparently I'm allowed to be "Bridget Jack Jeffries" on official payroll records and state employee identification, but I'm not allowed to have an Illinois driver's license that says "Bridget Jack Jeffries." Because reasons.

Aoife wrote:Names are important symbols, and to impose incorrect names on an individual, or embrace sloppy record-keeping policies which result in published errors, is to disregard an individual's status as a person. It's not a small thing.

By itself, it might be a small thing. But it's a "death by a thousand papercuts" scenario. There are so many little slights against women in patriarchal religions (coupled with the major ones), it adds up fast.

Also, I am curious: does the church try to push this name change business in countries where the cultural standard is for married women to keep their own names, like Spain? Anybody know?

Tom wrote:How did BYU know you married recently?

I moved in March of this year. I'm pretty sure I logged onto the alumni directory at that time and reported the pending nuptials along with the change of address. I definitely did not change my name though (and really . . . why the middle name change?).

By the way, I reported to the alumni directory almost two weeks ago that my ex-husband never lived at the address they have him at. I gave them his new address in Indianapolis. His entry remains unchanged. Apparently I can't possibly know which men have lived in my own home and which haven't.