The church doesn?????t do that. Oh but they do.

[_Sanctorian]

About 4 years ago my wife and I separated. I was very much an angry elf trying to navigate my new life outside of Mormonism. She was a TBM just trying to hang onto hers within. Neither was wrong. It just was and anyone who has tried to navigate a mixed faith marriage will likely know the struggles we were experiencing.

During our separation, we both agreed to see counselors. We also agreed to meet with each other’s counselor at some point. My counselor was a hippie new age lady. She helped me contemplate a spirituality outside of the construct of religion. My wife had a LDS services counselor.

During my one and only visit with her counselor, it was obvious the counselor was more interested in protecting the church and her own personal beliefs rather than saving my marriage. We discussed many church topics including youth interviews. If my marriage was going to work for me long term, I needed to be firm in my morals as a parent not to let the bishop interview my children one on one. The counselor wondered why I was so firm on that position. I stated because I didn’t think it right for a bishop to ask a child questions of a sexual nature.

The counselor said, “they don’t do that.”

To which I replied, “of course they do. What do you think questions about the law of Chastity are?”

She was insistent in her assessment and kept pressing me to concede my position on the matter. I said, “if you keep defending the church and offering counseling to my wife under that pretense, my marriage is over.”

The session ended and as my wife and I walked to the parking lot, she said to me something along these lines, “I won’t go to church anymore. I don’t understand the church history, but I now understand the church is everything you’ve been telling me it is.”

With that, we reconciled and have been a unified family ever since.

Now years later, all these things are being manifested and recorded. Sam Young bringing to light the dangers of youth interviews. Bill Reel bringing to light there is no place for critical thought against the leaders. Jeremy Runnels bringing to light if you share truth about the church history, you’re an apostate. When someone says “the church doesn’t do that” we can say “oh but they do” and provide recent examples because of the work of these and others that have made public record of the church doing the exact opposite of what they claim.

[_sunstoned]

I am really glad that things worked out well for you and your wife. I thought that this was going to be a sad thread, but it's not.

[_Kishkumen]

I am happy this all turned out well. LDS Social Services is the last place to go for marriage counseling.

[_Meadowchik]

Ditto sunstoned's reply.

This reminds me of an attribute of apologetics that often left me cold, namely, the ability to handwave-away suffering as the consequence of either unbelief, sin, or simply God's will. Even very compassionate people can do this on some level, effectively creating a frequently sociopathic response when an actual productive and kind response is otherwise available.

We learned from early on to accept stories like the Fall, the genocidal Flood, Abraham's sacrifice of Isaac, the suffering of the children of Israel, the other atrocities of the Old Testament, Nephi's slaying of Laban, the curse of the Lamanites, etc... All this primes our inner compasses to swallow the wages of sin deemed appropriate by church leaders, the definitions of those sins, and the required covenents we must undertake to escape the penalties, and then go further than blamelessness, via full consecration of all we have, into the exalted state.

We're taught to swallow hard things. It makes the abusive church relationship seem like a grace, it makes us feel favoured. Thus everyone else can either have access to this grace now, or perhaps accept it later, or in the meantime or forever, suffer the consequences.

Yes, the church (and most religions) do that. To me, it's the undercurrent of your wife's LDS Services counselor.

[_Doctor CamNC4Me]

The counselor said, “they don’t do that."

I'm glad there's now a repository of stories on Sam's site that establish this isn't the case.

I don’t understand the church history, but I now understand the church is everything you’ve been telling me it is.”

With that, we reconciled and have been a unified family ever since.

I'd love to read an exit story of both you and your wife. I think you'd have a fascinating tale to share.

- Doc

[_Sanctorian]

Hey Doc. I’d be glad to share my version soon. I’ll ask the misses of she’d be willing to share hers. To be honest, I’d like hear her perspective since her exist was more complex than mine in my opinion.

[_GameOver]

I am really glad that things worked out well for you and your wife. I thought that this was going to be a sad thread, but it's not.

I’m happy to hear of your reconciliation also. Great story!

[_moksha]

LDS Social Services is the last place to go for marriage counseling.

But it did serve as a lower legal fee adoption service before the Church discontinued it. Probably for the best, since those sealed adoption records apparently could be obtained by private detectives operating through Church covert sub-legal channels. Too bad those records had not been classified as double sacred/secret to prevent unethical use by attorneys at the law firm of Slytherin Voldemortie.