After an eighteen part defense of the corporate Church, one would think a "Corporate Christmas Carol" joke would be a little too close to home, but I guess some people really lack self-awareness this badly and leave their flank unguarded as a best practice.
----
God rest ye Rusty Nelson M,
Your fund is doing fine!
Remember that this holiday
Is when you rake in tithes!
God's ten percent is on their gross
spare not the widow's mite…
Oh, tidings of tax exempt cold cash, exempted cold cash!
Oh, tidings of tax exempt cold cash!
From Old Man Oaks your number one
There comes this prophecy:
the Saints are dumb enough to give
no matter if they bleed!
A Christmas without starving means
less cheer at Ensign Peak…”
Oh, tidings of Saints who live the lie, liveth the lie!
Oh, tidings of Saints who live the lie!
Kim Jong in North Kore-e-a;
is jealous of your stash—
He wants to know how Rusty gets
the rich to kiss his ass!
The members want to be his slaves,
they beg to pay and fast…
Oh, tidings of auto-crat-ic rule, autocrats rule!
Oh, tidings of auto-crat-ic rule!
Let every Saint give to the fund
that's hidden from their eyes:
The scriptures doth convinceth them
blind faith will make them wise!
There's less for gifts that's quite all right
Church stock is on the rise…
Oh, tidings of sac-r-ed Hedge funds, sacred hedge funds!
Oh, tidings of Sac-r-ed hedge funds!
An Ensign Peak Christmas Carol
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_Gadianton
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 9947
- Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2007 5:12 am
An Ensign Peak Christmas Carol
Lou Midgley 08/20/2020: "...meat wad," and "cockroach" are pithy descriptions of human beings used by gemli? They were not fashioned by Professor Peterson.
LM 11/23/2018: one can explain away the soul of human beings...as...a Meat Unit, to use Professor Peterson's clever derogatory description of gemli's ideology.
LM 11/23/2018: one can explain away the soul of human beings...as...a Meat Unit, to use Professor Peterson's clever derogatory description of gemli's ideology.
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_Dr Exiled
- _Emeritus
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- Joined: Wed Sep 30, 2015 3:48 am
Re: An Ensign Peak Christmas Carol
Awesome! I'm sure Dr. P and Dr. Midge, covertly, will love this, though can't admit it for obvious reasons.
"Religion is about providing human community in the guise of solving problems that don’t exist or failing to solve problems that do and seeking to reconcile these contradictions and conceal the failures in bogus explanations otherwise known as theology." - Kishkumen
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_Arc
- _Emeritus
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Re: An Ensign Peak Christmas Carol
"God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" just got a new set of lyrics for the Holiday Season at our house this year.
"The effort to understand the universe is one of the very few things which lifts human life a little above the level of farce and gives it some of the grace of tragedy." Steven Weinberg
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_Doctor CamNC4Me
- _Emeritus
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Re: An Ensign Peak Christmas Carol
I love that Mr. Peterson spends 18 or 19 posts defending the billions the Church has hoarded under the facade of charity, and then unironically turns around, and with an obliviousness only a Mormon apologist can achieve, makes a blog entry griping about Christmastime greed.
- Doc
- Doc
In the face of madness, rationality has no power - Xiao Wang, US historiographer, 2287 AD.
Every record...falsified, every book rewritten...every statue...has been renamed or torn down, every date...altered...the process is continuing...minute by minute. History has stopped. Nothing exists except an endless present in which the Ideology is always right.
Every record...falsified, every book rewritten...every statue...has been renamed or torn down, every date...altered...the process is continuing...minute by minute. History has stopped. Nothing exists except an endless present in which the Ideology is always right.
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_honorentheos
- _Emeritus
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Re: An Ensign Peak Christmas Carol
Brilliantly done, Dean Robbers.
The world is always full of the sound of waves..but who knows the heart of the sea, a hundred feet down? Who knows it's depth?
~ Eiji Yoshikawa
~ Eiji Yoshikawa
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_Shulem
- _Emeritus
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Re: An Ensign Peak Christmas Carol
You made Shulem smile!
Way to go!
Way to go!
THE BOOK OF ABRAHAM FACSIMILE NO. 3
Includes a startling new discovery!
Here Comes The Book of Abraham Part I, II, III
IN THE FORM OF A DOVE
Includes a startling new discovery!
Here Comes The Book of Abraham Part I, II, III
IN THE FORM OF A DOVE
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_Kishkumen
- _Emeritus
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- Joined: Sat Dec 13, 2008 10:00 pm
Re: An Ensign Peak Christmas Carol
The Kim Jong verse is my favorite. Well done, Dean Robbers!
"Petition wasn’t meant to start a witch hunt as I’ve said 6000 times." ~ Hanna Seariac, LDS apologist
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_Doctor Scratch
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 8025
- Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 4:44 pm
Re: An Ensign Peak Christmas Carol
Lol. This is perfect. So often, the Mopologists’ sense of irony is woefully deficient.
"[I]f, while hoping that everybody else will be honest and so forth, I can personally prosper through unethical and immoral acts without being detected and without risk, why should I not?." --Daniel Peterson, 6/4/14
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_candygal
- _Emeritus
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Re: An Ensign Peak Christmas Carol
That poem is to die for...Love it. Do I have your permission to share it with others in my realm in the world??
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_DrW
- _Emeritus
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- Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2009 2:57 am
Re: An Ensign Peak Christmas Carol
Dean Robbers,
Surely your opus magnum parody deserves a wider audience than it is likely to achieve from publication on this board alone. After reviewing dozens of parody lyrics set to various tunes - hymns and otherwise - on several sites, it is clear that in terms of poetry, proper meter, and content, your material is top drawer.
This statement applies to everything I could find out there including the one with actual recordings of LDS parody songs maintained by Weird Alma Bandcamp,
Mormonia music is one place publishes parody lyrics only. Your work would fit right in. As stated on their website:
The wider world deserves a chance to enjoy the poetic fruits of your labor.
Surely your opus magnum parody deserves a wider audience than it is likely to achieve from publication on this board alone. After reviewing dozens of parody lyrics set to various tunes - hymns and otherwise - on several sites, it is clear that in terms of poetry, proper meter, and content, your material is top drawer.
This statement applies to everything I could find out there including the one with actual recordings of LDS parody songs maintained by Weird Alma Bandcamp,
Mormonia music is one place publishes parody lyrics only. Your work would fit right in. As stated on their website:
Mormonia Music wrote: As of 01/05/2019 this collection contains 325 Mormmy Hits. The official LDS Hymnal contains 296 hymns.
The wider world deserves a chance to enjoy the poetic fruits of your labor.
David Hume: "---Mistakes in philosophy are merely ridiculous, those in religion are dangerous."
DrW: "Mistakes in science are learning opportunities and are eventually corrected."
DrW: "Mistakes in science are learning opportunities and are eventually corrected."