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After an eighteen part defense of the corporate Church, one would think a "Corporate Christmas Carol" joke would be a little too close to home, but I guess some people really lack self-awareness this badly and leave their flank unguarded as a best practice.

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God rest ye Rusty Nelson M,
Your fund is doing fine!
Remember that this holiday
Is when you rake in tithes!
God's ten percent is on their gross
spare not the widow's mite…

Oh, tidings of tax exempt cold cash, exempted cold cash!
Oh, tidings of tax exempt cold cash!

From Old Man Oaks your number one
There comes this prophecy:
the Saints are dumb enough to give
no matter if they bleed!
A Christmas without starving means
less cheer at Ensign Peak…”

Oh, tidings of Saints who live the lie, liveth the lie!
Oh, tidings of Saints who live the lie!

Kim Jong in North Kore-e-a;
is jealous of your stash—
He wants to know how Rusty gets
the rich to kiss his ass!
The members want to be his slaves,
they beg to pay and fast…

Oh, tidings of auto-crat-ic rule, autocrats rule!
Oh, tidings of auto-crat-ic rule!

Let every Saint give to the fund
that's hidden from their eyes:
The scriptures doth convinceth them
blind faith will make them wise!
There's less for gifts that's quite all right
Church stock is on the rise…

Oh, tidings of sac-r-ed Hedge funds, sacred hedge funds!
Oh, tidings of Sac-r-ed hedge funds!

Awesome! I'm sure Dr. P and Dr. Midge, covertly, will love this, though can't admit it for obvious reasons.

"God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" just got a new set of lyrics for the Holiday Season at our house this year.

I love that Mr. Peterson spends 18 or 19 posts defending the billions the Church has hoarded under the facade of charity, and then unironically turns around, and with an obliviousness only a Mormon apologist can achieve, makes a blog entry griping about Christmastime greed.

- Doc

Brilliantly done, Dean Robbers.

You made Shulem smile!

Way to go!

The Kim Jong verse is my favorite. Well done, Dean Robbers!

Lol. This is perfect. So often, the Mopologists’ sense of irony is woefully deficient.

That poem is to die for...Love it. Do I have your permission to share it with others in my realm in the world??

Dean Robbers,

Surely your opus magnum parody deserves a wider audience than it is likely to achieve from publication on this board alone. After reviewing dozens of parody lyrics set to various tunes - hymns and otherwise - on several sites, it is clear that in terms of poetry, proper meter, and content, your material is top drawer.

This statement applies to everything I could find out there including the one with actual recordings of LDS parody songs maintained by Weird Alma Bandcamp,

Mormonia music is one place publishes parody lyrics only. Your work would fit right in. As stated on their website:

Mormonia Music wrote: As of 01/05/2019 this collection contains 325 Mormmy Hits. The official LDS Hymnal contains 296 hymns.

The wider world deserves a chance to enjoy the poetic fruits of your labor.