Changes for April Conference

[_Mormon 8]

Just curious if anyone has any inside information or is hearing rumors about what changes might be announced leading up to GC in April or during any of the sessions? Six months ago, rumors were swirling about the word of wisdom being relaxed, young women being given the green light to pass the sacrament, garments only being required worn in the temple and a few others which were obviously just rumors, but given how the 'church' just relaxed the dress standard for passing the sacrament, makes you wonder if maybe that was a change to help set the stage for young women being allowed to do it? I know they sort of doubled down on the word of wisdom recently and so that's highly unlikely to change (coffee is evil even though it has a multitude of health benefits but you can drink all the Coke and energy drinks you want until the cows come home - LMFBO). Anyway, just wondering what people are hearing or might know with respect to any potential changes in the works? Also makes you wonder just how many more changes the church can make and water down things even more before the average TBM begins asking serious questions?

[_fetchface]

They will announce that in order promote more reverence in sacrament meeting, the maximum tempo for all hymns will be 60bpm.

[_Dr Exiled]

How about podcast church? If you loved the change from 3 to 2 hours, you will love falling asleep in your own bed as you listen to sister so and so or brother so and so drone on about their mundane experiences every week. Don't worry about the sacrament either as Mormon, Inc. has provided Beehive Bread and Water for purchase and will remotely bless it via the internet each week. Just think of the convenience. Just think of the savings to Mormon, inc. as building costs have long been an irritant to the Fund, hindering growth. Yes, President Nelson and his magic cost saving pen are at it again, blessing the members.

Also, for your convenience, Mormon, Inc. came up with an easy way to donate to the Fund. Introducing MormonPal, a sleek app that works just like paypal! It will conveniently automatically withdraw your 10% on your gross paycheck each pay period. Just tell MormonPal what your earnings are and it will do the rest! Yes, we live in exciting times! The Lord surely has blessed us with technology to do his work!

[_SuperDell]

Big Nellie will start off by announcing Deacons don't have to wear matching socks. They can mismatch colors all they want while wearing dress pants to pass the sacrament.

Then, a churchwide contest to give "Nicknames for The Apostles". Yep, one and all get an entry form with each donation on Fast Sunday - with the entry forms given out during Fast & Testimony meeting. You do an entry, write in the name of your Favorite Apostle and the Nickname you think fits him - and you give it to the Bishop. He reads it and submits it to SLC - after noting who gave it to him and whether it is positive or indicated "counseling" is needed.

The DANITES will be formed once again. Faithful Priesthood Holders will be encouraged to apply. Helps if you have your own Assault Rifle and a big store of Ammo to go with it. Regular drills and war game simulations during Mutual so one and all will be ready when the time comes.

Joe's Ho's - new womans group to provide service to the Bishop and EQ President. The women chosen, from "just shy of their 15th birthday to 40 years old" must be "white and delightsome" - much like the Stewardesses when airlines used them in decades past. Such a blessing to be chosen to assist the Priesthood. All Sisters will be working hard to be chosen.

[_honorentheos]

In sincerity I'm curious if there will be a more apocalyptic tone. Between the public exposure of their 100B fire insurance fund to coronavirus, stock market swings, and the 2020 election is it more likely the theme will be to shelter among the saints cuz the storm is threatn'n.

[Guest]

Who would guess viruses are Holy, “No Unhallowed Hand Can Stop the Work” Spencer W. Kimball

President of the Church

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/stu ... k?lang=eng

[_mocnarf]

Our Stake Conference for this weekend has been cancelled. Will General Conference in April be cancelled too?

[_Philo Sofee]

Just curious if anyone has any inside information or is hearing rumors about what changes might be announced leading up to General Conference in April or during any of the sessions? Six months ago, rumors were swirling about the word of wisdom being relaxed, young women being given the green light to pass the sacrament, garments only being required worn in the temple and a few others which were obviously just rumors, but given how the 'church' just relaxed the dress standard for passing the sacrament, makes you wonder if maybe that was a change to help set the stage for young women being allowed to do it? I know they sort of doubled down on the word of wisdom recently and so that's highly unlikely to change (coffee is evil even though it has a multitude of health benefits but you can drink all the Coke and energy drinks you want until the cows come home - LMFBO). Anyway, just wondering what people are hearing or might know with respect to any potential changes in the works? Also makes you wonder just how many more changes the church can make and water down things even more before the average TBM begins asking serious questions?

I'm still waiting for an actual revelation of use to society. If they would just shut up and cure all Corona Virus in the world, they would have in short time a $124,000,000,000,000 (trillion with a "t") savings account.

[_Holy Ghost]

In sincerity I'm curious if there will be a more apocalyptic tone. Between the public exposure of their 100B fire insurance fund to coronavirus, stock market swings, and the 2020 election is it more likely the theme will be to shelter among the saints cuz the storm is threatn'n.

Mad bull lost its way?

[_Holy Ghost]

Our Stake Conference for this weekend has been cancelled. Will General Conference in April be cancelled too?

Cone-shaped, tin-foil hats prevent the spread of this novel coronavirus. Mormons are walking right passed the tin foil to grab all the toilet paper they can.