A good Mormon man, “until he put a bullet through … their heads.”

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Marcus
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A good Mormon man, “until he put a bullet through … their heads.”

Post by Marcus »

Some excerpts from an incredibly poignant piece by Jana Reiss, entitled “What will it take for Mormon women and girls to be believed?

RNS) — This morning I was one of several women interviewed for NPR’s “On Point” program about women and domestic violence in Mormonism. The catalyst for the conversation was the gruesome Jan. 4 murders of a family in Enoch, Utah, all of whom were members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Police in the small southern Utah town say the father, 42-year-old Michael Haight, shot and killed his 40-year-old wife, Tausha; all five of his children, ranging in ages from 4 to 17; and his mother-in-law, who was staying with Tausha and her children after Tausha filed for divorce in late December. Michael Haight then turned the gun on himself.

I remember where I was and what I was doing when my husband first told me about the breaking news story. My immediate sinking feeling was that the family had been LDS. Utah is becoming less Mormon over time, especially in Salt Lake City and County. But rural southern Utah, where Enoch is located, is still heavily LDS.

“What was the last name of the family?” I asked him.
When he spelled it out for me, I suspected they at least had Mormon heritage; Haight is a storied name…

And always, amid the sick feeling of horror at Michael Haight’s killing of his family, there was another question: Had his wife or another woman tried to alert an LDS church authority that there was violence in the home, and been dismissed?

I asked that because I’ve seen this story play out too many times not to wonder.

Apparently, in 2020 the police opened an investigation of Michael Haight and learned that he had by that point already engaged in abusive behavior toward at least one of his children — his oldest daughter, Macie, then 14. According to The Associated Press, he had assaulted Macie several times and attempted to choke her at least once, causing her to report to the police that she thought he was going to kill her.

As far as I’m aware, there’s no evidence that someone from the family tried to get help from a Mormon bishop or other church leader. But in a small southern Utah town of fewer than 8,000 people, where more than two-thirds of the residents are members of the LDS church, the lines between community and church can get pretty blurry. It’s statistically likely that some of the police officers investigating the case, perhaps including the ones who dismissed it when Macie’s mother, Tausha Haight, decided not to press charges, were Mormon.

In this morning’s interview, guest Donna Kelly, an attorney who has worked for three decades helping abuse victims in Utah, noted that when Macie Haight spoke of strangulation, that should have been a red flag. The fact that police ignored it — and seemed to accept the father’s explanation that he was stressed and his teenage daughter was inappropriately “mouthy” — is disturbing.
….Female voices are not always welcome in conservative Mormon spaces, Conley said, especially if they’re “mouthy” or considered disruptive.

I brought up the high-profile case of Rob Porter, a former Trump staffer who failed to receive security clearance after the FBI interviewed people from his past, including his two ex-wives. Both of them reported to the FBI that he had abused them during their marriages.

Hauntingly, both women had gone to their LDS bishops to report that he was physically violent with them. When the first wife told her bishop that Porter tried to choke her, nothing happened. It was only when she discussed it with a colleague who was a therapist that someone affirmed to her the gravity of her own situation.

“When I explained to him what was happening, he had a very different reaction from the Mormon bishops,” she said in an interview. The counselor, she said, “was very concerned to hear Rob was choking me.”

Porter’s second wife echoed many of the same themes, providing photos of her face after he had punched her and documentation showing she had obtained a restraining order.

But her bishop didn’t do anything to help her either. In fact, he seemed primarily concerned with protecting Porter’s political future, she said, asking whether she’d considered that filing a temporary protection order could torpedo her abuser’s career.
…where Latter-day Saints seem to fail is in what happens after abuse has been reported. I’ve written before about the ways the church’s structural sexism creates a fraternity of men who serve together and know each other well. Since women are excluded from the vast majority of leadership callings, they don’t develop that kinship or have personal access to friendship with local church leaders.

This elevates the chance that when a woman goes with fear and trembling to report abuse to her bishop, the bishop is going to greet her allegations with caution or even suspicion: Wait, that guy? Brother Goode? Oh, sister, I know you’re sad about something, but that just can’t be true. You must be exaggerating. Brother Goode could never do that.

This kind of denial was on display most painfully and tragically in the obituary Michael Haight’s remaining family members wrote after the murder-suicide he perpetrated. Nowhere did the obituary (which has since been removed but can be seen via screenshots here) even mention the fact that Haight had murdered his wife and children. Rather, it portrayed him as the consummate father. He saw each child as “a treasured miracle” and “made it a point to spend quality time with each and every one.”

In a way, Haight’s surviving family did us a great service in publishing that insanely laudatory encapsulation of his life. It teaches Mormons what we manifestly do not want to hear: that the abusers sitting with us in the pews can look like amazing men. They may be returned missionaries, Eagle Scouts and successful business owners. And loving dads who make it a point to spend quality time with each and every member of their family.

Michael Haight was like that too. That is, until he put a bullet through each and every one of their heads.

https://religionnews.com/2023/01/31/wha ... -believed/
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Re: A good Mormon man, “until he put a bullet through … their heads.”

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The LDS church could put a quick and easy stop to this nonsense by coming out with an official statement that goes something like, "If you're being abused, don't go to your bishop. Go to the police."
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Re: A good Mormon man, “until he put a bullet through … their heads.”

Post by msnobody »

Dr. Shades wrote:
Wed Feb 01, 2023 10:21 am
The LDS church could put a quick and easy stop to this nonsense by coming out with an official statement that goes something like, "If you're being abused, don't go to your bishop. Go to the police."
Agreed. There isn’t much a bishop could do, except maybe validate the alleged victims experience, and provide domestic abuse resources. If it were a child reporting the abuse, the bishop should report the alleged abuse.
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Re: A good Mormon man, “until he put a bullet through … their heads.”

Post by Moksha »

There isn't much the Church can do if the abuser is a tithe payer unless he is also gay.
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Re: A good Mormon man, “until he put a bullet through … their heads.”

Post by dastardly stem »

Family abuse by a dominating father is age old. Its certainly not a Mormon thing. Police getting word from women to not press charges is also not a Mormon thing. I'm not saying there's not something to talk about here. There definitely is and Mormon related. I am saying though this isn't exclusively Mormon at all. In most small communities it's hard to hear that an otherwise adored and respected man is abusive. It's hard to square with the perception. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed the article and think there are many good things about it. I just think its trying too hard to make this about a failure of Mormonism. When it's a failure everywhere. How would we know if any priesthood leaders or anyone was alerted to the abuse? It seems to all be suspicion raised to complain about Mormonism, which I totes get. I mean I like pointing out Mormonism's failures and weaknesses too.
It’s statistically likely that some of the police officers investigating the case, perhaps including the ones who dismissed it when Macie’s mother, Tausha Haight, decided not to press charges, were Mormon.
I think that's common in abuse and not a Mormon thing at all--to not press charges. And not a fault of police, at least how we have it set up. This is ominously set up. "well if the police officers were Mormon too, then of course they are going to be good old boys with the dad and not press charges". That's just not how things work.

Some years back before I was married I was out with a lady. We were traveling down the street and out of the corner of my eye I saw some excited violent behavior looked over and saw a man pounding on a woman. I stopped and they quickly walked away from me, before I could get very close. The police came, after I called and caught them. The woman decided not to press charges at all and said it was nothing. The police let them go saying "there's nothing we can do". There's nothing Mormon about that incident. It's just normal activity. If the parties involved say there is really no incident and wish not to press charges, the police can't really do much.

With that said, it's likely this man was abusive to his wife and it spread to his children. She got the courage to leave him after probably years of suffering. That's what I'd imagine. it could be a couple of one off incidents, sure. But we may never really know that. Whatever the case he apparently wasn't going to let his family leave. He may have very well felt shame considering what his ward and community would think of him. Who knows? I think it's disgusting his family tried to minimize this incident and praised him.
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Re: A good Mormon man, “until he put a bullet through … their heads.”

Post by dastardly stem »

Moksha wrote:
Wed Feb 01, 2023 1:45 pm
There isn't much the Church can do if the abuser is a tithe payer unless he is also gay.
lol. Sad stuff. But jeez, Moksha.
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Re: A good Mormon man, “until he put a bullet through … their heads.”

Post by malkie »

dastardly stem wrote:
Wed Feb 01, 2023 3:08 pm
Family abuse by a dominating father is age old. Its certainly not a Mormon thing. Police getting word from women to not press charges is also not a Mormon thing. I'm not saying there's not something to talk about here. There definitely is and Mormon related. I am saying though this isn't exclusively Mormon at all. In most small communities it's hard to hear that an otherwise adored and respected man is abusive. It's hard to square with the perception. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed the article and think there are many good things about it. I just think its trying too hard to make this about a failure of Mormonism. When it's a failure everywhere. How would we know if any priesthood leaders or anyone was alerted to the abuse? It seems to all be suspicion raised to complain about Mormonism, which I totes get. I mean I like pointing out Mormonism's failures and weaknesses too.
It’s statistically likely that some of the police officers investigating the case, perhaps including the ones who dismissed it when Macie’s mother, Tausha Haight, decided not to press charges, were Mormon.
I think that's common in abuse and not a Mormon thing at all--to not press charges. And not a fault of police, at least how we have it set up. This is ominously set up. "well if the police officers were Mormon too, then of course they are going to be good old boys with the dad and not press charges". That's just not how things work.

Some years back before I was married I was out with a lady. We were traveling down the street and out of the corner of my eye I saw some excited violent behavior looked over and saw a man pounding on a woman. I stopped and they quickly walked away from me, before I could get very close. The police came, after I called and caught them. The woman decided not to press charges at all and said it was nothing. The police let them go saying "there's nothing we can do". There's nothing Mormon about that incident. It's just normal activity. If the parties involved say there is really no incident and wish not to press charges, the police can't really do much.

With that said, it's likely this man was abusive to his wife and it spread to his children. She got the courage to leave him after probably years of suffering. That's what I'd imagine. it could be a couple of one off incidents, sure. But we may never really know that. Whatever the case he apparently wasn't going to let his family leave. He may have very well felt shame considering what his ward and community would think of him. Who knows? I think it's disgusting his family tried to minimize this incident and praised him.
It may also be statistically likely that some of the police officers investigating the case, perhaps including the ones who dismissed it when Macie’s mother, Tausha Haight, decided not to press charges, were also domestic abusers.
DoJ, Office of Justice Programs wrote:Acts of domestic violence by police officers are at least as common as in the general population, but research indicates the possibility of a higher number of incidents among law enforcement professionals. In the case of police officers, a complicating issue is that Federal law stipulates anyone convicted of a domestic violence misdemeanor or under restraining orders cannot purchase or own a firearm. Another issue involves how a police officer who is an abuser can effectively deal with domestic violence cases he or she investigates as part of the job. Further, research indicates exposure of police officers to domestic violence may make them more liable to commit domestic violence.
https://www.ojp.gov/ncjrs/virtual-libra ... among-cops
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Re: A good Mormon man, “until he put a bullet through … their heads.”

Post by dastardly stem »

malkie wrote:
Wed Feb 01, 2023 3:25 pm
dastardly stem wrote:
Wed Feb 01, 2023 3:08 pm
Family abuse by a dominating father is age old. Its certainly not a Mormon thing. Police getting word from women to not press charges is also not a Mormon thing. I'm not saying there's not something to talk about here. There definitely is and Mormon related. I am saying though this isn't exclusively Mormon at all. In most small communities it's hard to hear that an otherwise adored and respected man is abusive. It's hard to square with the perception. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed the article and think there are many good things about it. I just think its trying too hard to make this about a failure of Mormonism. When it's a failure everywhere. How would we know if any priesthood leaders or anyone was alerted to the abuse? It seems to all be suspicion raised to complain about Mormonism, which I totes get. I mean I like pointing out Mormonism's failures and weaknesses too.



I think that's common in abuse and not a Mormon thing at all--to not press charges. And not a fault of police, at least how we have it set up. This is ominously set up. "well if the police officers were Mormon too, then of course they are going to be good old boys with the dad and not press charges". That's just not how things work.

Some years back before I was married I was out with a lady. We were traveling down the street and out of the corner of my eye I saw some excited violent behavior looked over and saw a man pounding on a woman. I stopped and they quickly walked away from me, before I could get very close. The police came, after I called and caught them. The woman decided not to press charges at all and said it was nothing. The police let them go saying "there's nothing we can do". There's nothing Mormon about that incident. It's just normal activity. If the parties involved say there is really no incident and wish not to press charges, the police can't really do much.

With that said, it's likely this man was abusive to his wife and it spread to his children. She got the courage to leave him after probably years of suffering. That's what I'd imagine. it could be a couple of one off incidents, sure. But we may never really know that. Whatever the case he apparently wasn't going to let his family leave. He may have very well felt shame considering what his ward and community would think of him. Who knows? I think it's disgusting his family tried to minimize this incident and praised him.
It may also be statistically likely that some of the police officers investigating the case, perhaps including the ones who dismissed it when Macie’s mother, Tausha Haight, decided not to press charges, were also domestic abusers.
DoJ, Office of Justice Programs wrote:Acts of domestic violence by police officers are at least as common as in the general population, but research indicates the possibility of a higher number of incidents among law enforcement professionals. In the case of police officers, a complicating issue is that Federal law stipulates anyone convicted of a domestic violence misdemeanor or under restraining orders cannot purchase or own a firearm. Another issue involves how a police officer who is an abuser can effectively deal with domestic violence cases he or she investigates as part of the job. Further, research indicates exposure of police officers to domestic violence may make them more liable to commit domestic violence.
https://www.ojp.gov/ncjrs/virtual-libra ... among-cops
Ahhh good point. The police may have walked away thinking, "I'd have done more than just choked her for what she was saying. These kids need a good straightening out and God bless that man for getting his hands dirty and doing his duty." It's possible. Then again I have enough faith in humanity to think there might have been a police officer or too involved thinking. "My God this dude needs to get put in jail. How we gonna get him?"
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Re: A good Mormon man, “until he put a bullet through … their heads.”

Post by malkie »

dastardly stem wrote:
Wed Feb 01, 2023 3:32 pm
malkie wrote:
Wed Feb 01, 2023 3:25 pm

It may also be statistically likely that some of the police officers investigating the case, perhaps including the ones who dismissed it when Macie’s mother, Tausha Haight, decided not to press charges, were also domestic abusers.

https://www.ojp.gov/ncjrs/virtual-libra ... among-cops
Ahhh good point. The police may have walked away thinking, "I'd have done more than just choked her for what she was saying. These kids need a good straightening out and God bless that man for getting his hands dirty and doing his duty." It's possible. Then again I have enough faith in humanity to think there might have been a police officer or too involved thinking. "My God this dude needs to get put in jail. How we gonna get him?"
In a close-knit society I suspect that it becomes more likely that the "boys" are covering for each other with respect to domestic abuse just as they have a reputation for covering for each other when it comes to abuse of people who are apprehended for various reasons.

Maybe some of the abusers get a good talking to each time, and promise not to do it again. It would be a pity to ruin a man's career in policing just because he got a little rough with his wife and/or children. After all, he's responsible for keeping his family in line, right?
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Marcus
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Re: A good Mormon man, “until he put a bullet through … their heads.”

Post by Marcus »

As long as the lds church considers itself “the gold standard” in dealing with abuse, but still refuses to put into place the most basic preventive measures, i don’t see how articles like this are trying too hard to make this a Mormon issue.

In the article, it was the comments about the obituary for the murderer that hit the hardest for me:
…where Latter-day Saints seem to fail is in what happens after abuse has been reported. I’ve written before about the ways the church’s structural sexism creates a fraternity of men who serve together and know each other well. Since women are excluded from the vast majority of leadership callings, they don’t develop that kinship or have personal access to friendship with local church leaders.

This elevates the chance that when a woman goes with fear and trembling to report abuse to her bishop, the bishop is going to greet her allegations with caution or even suspicion: Wait, that guy? Brother Goode? Oh, sister, I know you’re sad about something, but that just can’t be true. You must be exaggerating. Brother Goode could never do that.

This kind of denial was on display most painfully and tragically in the obituary Michael Haight’s remaining family members wrote after the murder-suicide he perpetrated. Nowhere did the obituary (which has since been removed but can be seen via screenshots here) even mention the fact that Haight had murdered his wife and children. Rather, it portrayed him as the consummate father. He saw each child as “a treasured miracle” and “made it a point to spend quality time with each and every one.”

In a way, Haight’s surviving family did us a great service in publishing that insanely laudatory encapsulation of his life. It teaches Mormons what we manifestly do not want to hear: that the abusers sitting with us in the pews can look like amazing men. They may be returned missionaries, Eagle Scouts and successful business owners. And loving dads who make it a point to spend quality time with each and every member of their family.

Michael Haight was like that too. That is, until he put a bullet through each and every one of their heads.
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