For women who have set their gaze upon a married man

[msnobody]

If you are a single female and have set your eyes on a married man with intent to pursue, you are likely playing with fire and should not complain when you get burned. A married man belongs to his spouse. A single woman who sets out to entice a married man with her feminine wiles, is coveting something that does not belong to her, and is akin to adultress behavior. The married man who becomes ensnared by the single woman's advances, or the wandering gazes of his own eyes, God will deal with him justly.

There are a few ways pursuit of another woman's husband usually plays out. The husband and wife have longstanding bonds within their marriage. They have gone through good times and difficult times. Perhaps they have raised children together, or taken care of aging parents. Sure if a husband becomes ensnared by the pursuing single female, or ensnared of his own accord, he is guilty and ultimately stands before his creator to answer. It is a good thing when the married couple hurts and heals the marriage together. Let no man put asunder what God has joined together.

Another way this situation can play out is that the single woman wins over the married man from his spouse. I ask, is this really a win? If he cheated on his spouse, doesn't it stand to reason he would do the same to the woman who has taken him from his spouse.

These are just some thoughts of mine as I have read some of the recent, ongoing threads and posts. Let God exact His perfect justice. Don't play with fire.

[Kishkumen]

I would add to this that any person who seeks to have a romantic interaction with a coworker is playing with fire and should refrain. One never knows what may come of the situation. Better safe than sorry.

[drumdude]

I have no considered what happened between myself and John to be ah “affair” since I recovered from his manipulations. I remember, at the time, wondering if what was occurring was “sexual harassment” and then immediately feeling ashamed that it might be. At the time, I wanted what was occurring to be an “affair” because “affair” felt more respectable. I didn’t want to believe that I had been targeted and was being exploited and victimized by someone who well understood predator strategies and was intentionally using power against me.

I wanted to believe I was strong, not a victim.

I have grown up a lot since I was under the influence of John’s manipulations. As I think about the me of ten years ago, I have a lot of respect for her and what she was managing and handling both at work and at home. That me was definitely not a woman who was in a safe and stable place from which she could go out into the world and choose to have an “affair.” That me was a woman who was in a dangerous place and needed help and support escaping from it.

And that me truly cared about the Mormon people and working towards what I hoped would help prevent child sexual abuse within Mormonism.

John exploited that me.

But I am a very different person now. The last ten years have required a lot of change from me and I have met that challenge. I now see that me of ten years ago as someone who was, indeed, very strong and who definitely deserved better than she had received, but who was also vulnerable and horribly victimized by a horrible man who continues to lie and deceive many.

Meeting the challenges of the last ten years has definitely brought me a lot more strength.

I understand that very few of you know me in the real world and that these words, to you, are only words on a page about a woman you have never met. But I have no desire to come out onto the public Mormon stage and let you meet me and get to know the authentic me. I have other things I’d prefer to do with my time and my life and I am not nearly as interested in Mormonism now as I used to be.

So, the best testimonial I can give you is to say that when my children (ages 24, 22 and 17) hear the word “affair” to describe what happened between me and John Dehlin, they let out guffaws. They know me far too well and know far too much about my life and what John did to me to see me that narrowly. They are wise children and have a more full view of what has occurred in our family over the years than most anyone else.

-Rosebud

"I liked last night's "nighty night" Sleep well John"

"So much for the quiet and take things easy plan"

"My concern is figuring out how to navigate and still keep up a solid working relationship"

"Our hope is that we figure out how to make fire"

"I'm living life with my unfilled hole"

"sleep well John"

"ah that's the smile you had when I accidentally stepped on and you didn't move it"

"I'm rubbing my hands together and smiling and feeling shy"

[msnobody]

I would add to this that any person who seeks to have a romantic interaction with a coworker is playing with fire and should refrain. One never knows what may come of the situation. Better safe than sorry.

I am older than Kish, but from an older woman to younger women, in either situation, there is only one answer, "RUN!!!"

[Marcus]

"For people who have set their gaze upon a married person..."

FTFY.

[Marcus]

I have no considered what happened between myself and John to be ah “affair” since I recovered from his manipulations. I remember, at the time, wondering if what was occurring was “sexual harassment” and then immediately feeling ashamed that it might be. At the time, I wanted what was occurring to be an “affair” because “affair” felt more respectable. I didn’t want to believe that I had been targeted and was being exploited and victimized by someone who well understood predator strategies and was intentionally using power against me.

I wanted to believe I was strong, not a victim.

I have grown up a lot since I was under the influence of John’s manipulations. As I think about the me of ten years ago, I have a lot of respect for her and what she was managing and handling both at work and at home. That me was definitely not a woman who was in a safe and stable place from which she could go out into the world and choose to have an “affair.” That me was a woman who was in a dangerous place and needed help and support escaping from it.

And that me truly cared about the Mormon people and working towards what I hoped would help prevent child sexual abuse within Mormonism.

John exploited that me.

But I am a very different person now. The last ten years have required a lot of change from me and I have met that challenge. I now see that me of ten years ago as someone who was, indeed, very strong and who definitely deserved better than she had received, but who was also vulnerable and horribly victimized by a horrible man who continues to lie and deceive many.

Meeting the challenges of the last ten years has definitely brought me a lot more strength.

I understand that very few of you know me in the real world and that these words, to you, are only words on a page about a woman you have never met. But I have no desire to come out onto the public Mormon stage and let you meet me and get to know the authentic me. I have other things I’d prefer to do with my time and my life and I am not nearly as interested in Mormonism now as I used to be.

So, the best testimonial I can give you is to say that when my children (ages 24, 22 and 17) hear the word “affair” to describe what happened between me and John Dehlin, they let out guffaws. They know me far too well and know far too much about my life and what John did to me to see me that narrowly. They are wise children and have a more full view of what has occurred in our family over the years than most anyone else.

-Rosebud

"I liked last night's "nighty night" Sleep well John"

"So much for the quiet and take things easy plan"

"My concern is figuring out how to navigate and still keep up a solid working relationship"

"Our hope is that we figure out how to make fire"

"I'm living life with my unfilled hole"

"sleep well John"

"ah that's the smile you had when I accidentally stepped on and you didn't move it"

"I'm rubbing my hands together and smiling and feeling shy"

If you would post Dehlin's contribution to these conversations between Dehlin and Rosebud you would be much more credible. As it is your cherry-picking just feels biased and incredibly sexist.

[yellowstone123]

Nobody really what’s in the other spouses mind.

When, the other spouse hears what the other spouse wants it’s a “wait, what!!!.

I was in love with a young women at work who was from Columbia when she told me the previous five years she lived with and had a romantic relationship with an older woman. I really liked her and didn’t really care, but she eventually went back to be with another woman.

[drumdude]

If you would post Dehlin's contribution to these conversations between Dehlin and Rosebud you would be much more credible. As it is your cherry-picking just feels biased and incredibly sexist.

I have grown tired of posting the link to all of the documents 100 times for no one to read them.

Anyone who reads them is welcome to post all the context they want.

http://mormonrosebud.wikidot.com/earliest-Facebook-chats

[Marcus]

If you would post Dehlin's contribution to these conversations between Dehlin and Rosebud you would be much more credible. As it is your cherry-picking just feels biased and incredibly sexist.

I have grown tired of posting the link to all of the documents 100 times for no one to read them.

Anyone who reads them is welcome to post all the context they want.

http://mormonrosebud.wikidot.com/earliest-Facebook-chats

You had the energy to pick out and post a whole series of comments from a conversation-- but only from the woman, but you are now too tired to post the whole series of comments from the man that were either before or after the woman's posts.

Your intent was clearly to embarrass the woman, and your unwillingness to complete the story just shows your sexist stance in its full ugliness.

[drumdude]

I have grown tired of posting the link to all of the documents 100 times for no one to read them.

Anyone who reads them is welcome to post all the context they want.

http://mormonrosebud.wikidot.com/earliest-Facebook-chats

You had the energy to pick out and post a whole series of comments from a conversation-- but only from the woman, but you are now too tired to post the whole series of comments from the man that were either before or after the woman's posts.

Your intent was clearly to embarrass the woman, and your unwillingness to complete the story just shows your sexist stance in its full ugliness.

If you can find John Dehlin denying he had an affair I will be happy to pull quotes from him saying otherwise.