Mental Compartmentalizing

[sock puppet]

I have an acquaintance who is a master at compartmentalizing his Mormon beliefs from his below-Mormon-standards of sexual conduct. He does not attempt to rationalize the behavior or harmonize it with Mormonism. I've had lunch with him where in one breath he tells me about his Asian massages with "happy endings." In the next breath, he's admonishing me to not drink the iced tea I'm having with lunch, and that I should 'go back to church.'

He's a complex individual. Despite being middle aged, he insists on letting his wife, his siblings and his mother--all but one (a sibling) are active, every Sunday-going Mormons--all know about those happy endings, and when he had for a time a girlfriend on the side. About every three months, he feels the need to tell his bishop about it. After the pattern repeated 4 or 5 times, they disfellowshipped, but then restored him to full fellowship early. He knows the mantra well. You know, declarative statements about what is asked in a temple interview.

He does not quite get the reason for the perplexed look on my face when he pivots the 180 degrees from Asian massages and preaching to me about my iced tea and inactivity. I've never told him I've long since resigned out of the LDS Church. I'm sure if I did so tell him, he would sic the missionaries on me so that they could notch another baptism in their belts.

I've never quite understood this guy. For me, while at times it was a struggle, when I believed I tried to conform my behavior to the LDS preachings. So too me, he is an enigma. In my experience, he's a "one off." I've not met anyone else like him, not even close.

[Kishkumen]

Yeah. I don’t get it. There are a lot of sanctimonious people who behave like sociopaths. It is one reason I have a difficult time tolerating any but the most sincere and genuine religious people. Someone of truly sterling character who is religious wins my greatest respect, but there are too many phonies out there. Makes it hard to go to church.

[Marcus]

It may be more common than you think. I have a relative who clearly believes the image of being Mormon is what matters, not the actual 'Mormon-ness' of ones every day life. When I expressed sadness at not seeing one of my sibling's marriages, he said the solution was to just lie and get myself a recommend. Problem solved. I literally had never considered that as a solution, and was quite shocked to hear that from him. Years later, he is now on his 3rd (maybe 4th?) wife, each time marrying the woman he cheated on his previous wife with, once she got pregnant. My extremely TBM parent accepts him because he parrots the party line to my parent's face. Me? Not so much, BECAUSE I DON'T LIE LIKE MY TBM RELATIVE DOES.

Image is everything to Mormons.

[malkie]

It may be more common than you think. I have a relative who clearly believes the image of being Mormon is what matters, not the actual 'Mormon-ness' of ones every day life. When I expressed sadness at not seeing one of my sibling's marriages, he said the solution was to just lie and get myself a recommend. Problem solved. I literally had never considered that as a solution, and was quite shocked to hear that from him. Years later, he is now on his 3rd (maybe 4th?) wife, each time marrying the woman he cheated on his previous wife with, once she got pregnant. My extremely TBM parent accepts him because he parrots the party line to my parent's face. Me? Not so much, BECAUSE I DON'T LIE LIKE MY TBM RELATIVE DOES.

Image is everything to Mormons.

When it was obvious to all involved that I would not be able to attend my son's temple marriage, people that I had always assumed were true believers told me that I knew what I had to do - tell the bishop & SP what they wanted to hear - and should just do it.

This was far from the first time that I had to conclude that my standard of honesty (as a "faithless" member, or as a non-member) was too high for the believing members I associated with.

Note that I'm not claiming perfection - not at all - or that I'm 100% honest in my daily life. I had just not expected that these members would actively encourage me to be more dishonest than I already was

[MG 2.0]

It may be more common than you think. I have a relative who clearly believes the image of being Mormon is what matters, not the actual 'Mormon-ness' of ones every day life. When I expressed sadness at not seeing one of my sibling's marriages, he said the solution was to just lie and get myself a recommend. Problem solved. I literally had never considered that as a solution, and was quite shocked to hear that from him. Years later, he is now on his 3rd (maybe 4th?) wife, each time marrying the woman he cheated on his previous wife with, once she got pregnant. My extremely TBM parent accepts him because he parrots the party line to my parent's face. Me? Not so much, BECAUSE I DON'T LIE LIKE MY TBM RELATIVE DOES.

Image is everything to Mormons.

When it was obvious to all involved that I would not be able to attend my son's temple marriage, people that I had always assumed were true believers told me that I knew what I had to do - tell the bishop & SP what they wanted to hear - and should just do it.

This was far from the first time that I had to conclude that my standard of honesty (as a "faithless" member, or as a non-member) was too high for the believing members I associated with.

Note that I'm not claiming perfection - not at all - or that I'm 100% honest in my daily life. I had just not expected that these members would actively encourage me to be more dishonest than I already was

Did you tell a bunch of people? And they all told you that? I guess the place/area that you live in might be a bit different in 'liberality of views' from where we live in Happy Valley Utah.

Although, I do think that membership, generally speaking, is a bit more forgiving/tolerant of those that have alternate ways of viewing the church/gospel as long as they aren't preaching it publicly. You must have been running around with that cross section of liberal AND dishonest members.

Your sense of honesty, however, is to be commended. I'm sure there are members of the church here and there that could do better on this count. Honesty is often underrated. Even/especially at times by those that ought to know better.

I often wonder though if when a person begins a life of disbelief in a higher power (not saying this is you, I don't know where your views are on this nowadays) that they might be accountable to whether or not honesty, along with other things, becomes a matter of personal definition.

Regards,
MG

[Kishkumen]

I often wonder though if when a person begins a life of disbelief in a higher power (not saying this is you, I don't know where your views are on this nowadays) that they might be accountable to whether or not honesty, along with other things, becomes a matter of personal definition.

Not sure I am following this. Can you explain the last few lines in more detail?

[MG 2.0]

I often wonder though if when a person begins a life of disbelief in a higher power (not saying this is you, I don't know where your views are on this nowadays) that they might be accountable to, whether or not honesty...along with other things, becomes a matter of personal definition.

Not sure I am following this. Can you explain the last few lines in more detail?

I placed some additional punctuation (in red) in the sentence that might help clarify my meaning.

When one develops their own morality and sense of ethical behavior, that becomes their own 'standard of behavior' and action. They live life according to the definitions which they construct. Not that those definitions might not dovetail with what have been considered 'bedrock values' over generations of time...but they may not.

Moral relativism and all that.

What a 'god' may have to say in the matter is irrelevant.

Hope this helps.

Regards,
MG

[Kishkumen]

OK. Thanks, MG!

[Gadianton]

Interesting Sock. I have decent list of friends and relatives who fit the bill. In one case, it's about an 85% hit down to AMP specifics. Not all are Mormon, but all are Trumpers. With the exception of one who I don't know and I really can't speculate as we've lost touch. The other case that doesn't fit is female, lol, and she's super liberal.

[Dr. Shades]

Sock puppet: I suggest you call him out on it, then return and report his response.