The Nehor wrote:I think most people understand the grieving process....but only their own. When I'm grieving or depressed and need sympathy I invite certain girlfriends over. When I need someone to drag me out of my apartment and help me get out of a funk I talk to some of my guy friends.
I think that Nehor brings up an interesting dynamic here.
If he wants nurturing, he goes to his female friends.
If he wants "guy-time, forget about it" attitude, he goes to his guy friends.
;)
You're right. That is interesting! I think we need more female posters on this board for sure.
However I've had some of the most nurturing and tender help from those that were men on this very board. And of course Ms. Beastie!!
Beastie is definitely the resident grief counselor!
barrelomonkeys wrote:Oops! And I just minimized your experience! Sheesh. See I'm so not good at it either. Sorry Nehor!
It's okay, I use the word funk pretty broadly. When I lost a family member very close to me I first clammed up and then spent time with people who would listen to my stories. Then finally I knew I needed a kick out of it so I got that.
I think the most important thing to learn is your own grieving process so you know how to deal with it without shame or becoming an endless burden to yourself and/or others.
Oh no doubt! I think one of the hardest parts of grief is worrying that you are irritating others with your pain. Obviously that can compound the issue.
barrelomonkeys wrote:You're right. That is interesting! I think we need more female posters on this board for sure.
However I've had some of the most nurturing and tender help from those that were men on this very board. And of course Ms. Beastie!!
Beastie is definitely the resident grief counselor!
Guys can give nurturing and tender help. I've done it. It's just harder. Why put my guy friends through it when my galpals will come over and listen after a phone call....sometimes they even bring food :)
"Surely he knows that DCP, The Nehor, Lamanite, and other key apologists..." -Scratch clarifying my status in apologetics "I admit it; I'm a petty, petty man." -Some Schmo
Yanno when I was about 23 years old there was a woman that I had to deal with often. She was a long term girlfriend of my husband's best friend. She hated me!
She told me, "You are the most feminine person I have ever met!"
I guess different people see similar situations differently. When the family dog died, all of my brothers cried, but I did not. I'm not really sure why that was either.
It's not that I'm never sad. I was likely depressed at points in my mission. I'm sure I cried at times too. It was probably tougher for me because my usual methods of stress relief were not available: video games, music, and friends. But actually I rarely use friends for stress relief.
That's General Leo. He could be my friend if he weren't my enemy. eritis sicut dii I support NCMO
barrelomonkeys wrote:haha. gaz, spoken like a true alpha male.
Yanno when I was about 23 years old there was a woman that I had to deal with often. She was a long term girlfriend of my husband's best friend. She hated me!
She told me, "You are the most feminine person I have ever met!"
I loved that insult. ;)
Being a girly girl or being a manly man has little to do with it. The egyptians implemented the use of Bull horns in their statues and drawing to show power and influence, as in a Bulls power to make things move by driving it with its horns.
A girly girl is perfectly capable of influencing those around her and taking control of a situation. For example Shania Twain is one of the most beautiful women in the world and is very girly, but she is also very much in control of what goes on around her. I tihnk that's the difference between beign a girl, and being a woman. Having a cool mature head on your shoulders and taking control of your life.
Now - Go Be The Bull.
We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato
I don't like greiving. I've done plenty of that when I had no reason to -- I feel I've gotten it over with so early in life, I don't have to do it anymore.
I often tell people to "move on," but not so as to minimize the grief, but to simply imagine the grief had already happened, and get to the point where the past experiences are enjoyable to think about. If you're gonna learn something from the situation, I say do it as quickly as possible. Or to put it more laconically, "Someday you're going to look back at this and laugh. Why wait?"
However, if you want to experience the emotions -- recognize that you want them, and enjoy being in the emotion. What I take issue with is people who want to keep wallowing in whatever emotion they're feeling, while complaining about how they don't want the emotion anymore. I'm guilty of this myself sometimes -- it's what I consider to be my greatest character flaw.
barrelomonkeys wrote:haha. gaz, spoken like a true alpha male.
Yanno when I was about 23 years old there was a woman that I had to deal with often. She was a long term girlfriend of my husband's best friend. She hated me!
She told me, "You are the most feminine person I have ever met!"
I loved that insult. ;)
Being a girly girl or being a manly man has little to do with it. The egyptians implemented the use of Bull horns in their statues and drawing to show power and influence, as in a Bulls power to make things move by driving it with its horns.
A girly girl is perfectly capable of influencing those around her and taking control of a situation. For example Shania Twain is one of the most beautiful women in the world and is very girly, but she is also very much in control of what goes on around her. I tihnk that's the difference between beign a girl, and being a woman. Having a cool mature head on your shoulders and taking control of your life.
Now - Go Be The Bull.
Well I'd rather not be a bull!? ;P
I am quite capable of taking control of my 'situation'. Sheesh I'm a mother to a kaboodle of kids and still function with the everyday things. But yanno I still had emotions that I had to work through. I just did. And I'm now glad I did deal with them. Almost feel like I'm a clean slate now.
I find it interesting that you think that perhaps having emotions and expressing them somehow makes you weak or out of control? Why is that gaz, do you think?
Or that you think it is girly rather than womanly to have grief?
Last edited by Guest on Sun Nov 18, 2007 3:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
keene wrote:I don't like greiving. I've done plenty of that when I had no reason to -- I feel I've gotten it over with so early in life, I don't have to do it anymore.
I often tell people to "move on," but not so as to minimize the grief, but to simply imagine the grief had already happened, and get to the point where the past experiences are enjoyable to think about. If you're gonna learn something from the situation, I say do it as quickly as possible. Or to put it more laconically, "Someday you're going to look back at this and laugh. Why wait?"
However, if you want to experience the emotions -- recognize that you want them, and enjoy being in the emotion. What I take issue with is people who want to keep wallowing in whatever emotion they're feeling, while complaining about how they don't want the emotion anymore. I'm guilty of this myself sometimes -- it's what I consider to be my greatest character flaw.
Keene, I hope your life stays on the up and up and you never do have to grieve. :) My blog was not dealing with my past - it was dealing with my current. Before the last few months I woke up with a 'hurrah' on my breath and a skip in my step. Yep, I got whooped bad emotionally in the last few months. My past didn't whip me! I lived my past. I have NO shame or problems with the life I've lived. My blog was trying to come to terms of WHERE I AM NOW! And why I was so impacted by the current. I am a strong woman. I've dealt with plenty in my life and it made me an incredibly strong person. My weakness came from the current state of my life. I had to work through that.
I have a lot of character flaws. I don't consider wallowing for a month to be one of them. ;P