The DoubtingThomas dating / relationships MEGATHREAD

[_Morley]

DoubtingThomas, have you forgotten what you've posted here and on MormonDialogue, under an account name you openly acknowledged was yours in threads here?

If what you previously and openly posted about your age and your personal stories about sex was true, then what you are saying now is NOT true. And you are WAY too old to be hitting on virginal 18 year olds. What game are you playing?

I remember the same.

[Guest]

When you seek to take advantage of/manipulate someone in no position to reasonably consent (teenagers), you're a predator.

I agree. Now YSA is from 18 to 30 years and most people wouldn't have a problem with a guy in his 30s dating an 18 year old. As for me I am not in my 30s and it wouldn't matter if I am. Let me state again ...

But no I wouldn't manipulate a woman (of any age) to have sex with me.

I remember the same.

PM me the quotes please. Or can you be more specific about what you remember?

It verges on "pedophilia is a sexual orientation."

No, it's not. It's a ____ disorder.

Jesus Christ nothing to do with the topic.

[_Some Schmo]

When you seek to take advantage of/manipulate someone in no position to reasonably consent (teenagers), you're a predator.

I agree. Now YSA is from 18 to 30 years and most people wouldn't have a problem with a guy in his 30s dating an 18 year old. As for me I am not in my 30s and it wouldn't matter if I am. Let me state again ...

But no I wouldn't manipulate a woman (of any age) to have sex with me.

What I don't think you seem to be getting is that if you're, say, 23 and you're trying to date someone 18, you are manipulating her. It may feel like you're trying to woo her, but she likely does not have the experience to tell the difference.

Healthful intimate relationships are between people on equal footing, both emotionally and with respect to maturity.

[_Some Schmo]

It verges on "pedophilia is a sexual orientation."

No, it's not. It's a ____ disorder.

Jesus Christ nothing to do with the topic.

Then why did you bring it up?

[_Lemmie]

When you seek to take advantage of/manipulate someone in no position to reasonably consent (teenagers), you're a predator.

I agree. Now YSA is from 18 to 30 years and most people wouldn't have a problem with a guy in his 30s dating an 18 year old....

I disagree, and so do others. What age category the LDS church requires for attendance should indicate to you that it is so inappropriate for people in their 30's to go after 18 year olds that they will not even let you attend church with them.

Miss Tish's comment on this was excellent:

Because in general, more people date within a few years of their own age. For numerous reasons. Your age is not irrelevant at all.

And if i may speak bluntly, if you're over 22 or 23, you're too old for an 18 year old. As people get older the differences between their ages would matter less, but an 18 year old is not (usually) a fully formed functional adult capable of having an adult relationship.

[Guest]

Then why did you bring it up?

I wrote, "it is my understanding that some men are attracted to younger women. It is like a sexual orientation.". Notice I said "younger women", not children below the legal age. I also said I wouldn't manipulate women (of any age) to have sex with me.

What age category the LDS church requires for attendance should indicate to you that it is so inappropriate for people in their 30's to go after 18 year olds that they will not even let you attend church with them.

A 30 year old guy can still go to YSA. Perhaps because most 18 girls wouldn't date a guy in his mid-30s, but it all depends on the woman, some don't care. I seen it before. I remember going to a big wedding of a 30 year old and a 18 year old woman. They started dating when she was 17.

And if i may speak bluntly, if you're over 22 or 23, you're too old for an 18 year old. As people get older the differences between their ages would matter less, but an 18 year old is not (usually) a fully formed functional adult capable of having an adult relationship.

Let me put it this way, if an 18 year old girl flirts with me I wouldn't automatically reject her just for her age. But I don't talk to 18 year old girls, I honestly can't do it. In my state a 40 year old man can legally have a sexual relationship with a 17 year old girl, so I don't see how it can be a serious problem for me to date an 18 year old.. But we don't have to agree, that is simply my opinion. It is all subjective.

[_DoubtingThomas]

What I don't think you seem to be getting is that if you're, say, 23 and you're trying to date someone 18, you are manipulating her. It may feel like you're trying to woo her, but she likely does not have the experience to tell the difference.

Healthful intimate relationships are between people on equal footing, both emotionally and with respect to maturity.

I respect your view and can you give me some references please? I think most 18 year old girls have more experience than me and some are probably more mature. It all depends on the person. People get experience by trying and learning from mistakes. I promise I really don't have a lot of experience, regardless of my age.

An 18 year old can die for the country, get in debt, buy a house, get the death penalty, and many things. I think 18 is old enough to make a decision, it's called freedom.

At this moment I am not trying to date an 18 year old and it is unlikely that I will ever do it. Let me put it this way: I wouldn't reject an 18 year old just for her age. I would still prefer 18 to 20 (for many reason), but it is not required for me.

[_honorentheos]

DT, if you are misrepresenting yourself and have unhealthy attitudes towards younger women among whom you seem to be looking for someone vulnerable to your attempts, as bad as they may be, you are seeking someone to prey on. Get help.

Honestly I am not very smart (socially). I have no true friends and I am the one that is vulnerable. I may need help, but it is my understanding that some men are attracted to younger women. It is like a sexual orientation. But no I wouldn't manipulate a woman (of any age) to have sex with me. Now I hope I am not attracted to 18 year old girls when I am in my mid-30s because I wouldn't want some people to call me a predator.

DT, if you are misrepresenting yourself and have unhealthy attitudes towards younger women among whom you seem to be looking for someone vulnerable to your attempts, as bad as they may be, you are seeking someone to prey on. Get help.

[_Some Schmo]

Then why did you bring it up?

I wrote, "it is my understanding that some men are attracted to younger women. It is like a sexual orientation.". Notice I said "younger women", not children below the legal age. I also said I wouldn't manipulate women (of any age) to have sex with me.

Being attracted to younger women (out of your peer group) is not a sexual orientation. It's not even like a sexual orientation. It's a problem with your psyche.

There are lots of young girls who are pretty, but I don't find myself attracted to them, primarily because I suspect they will not be that alluring once I start talking to them (having a young adult daughter probably has everything to do with that - when I see young women, my daughter is usually the first person that pops into my mind). Puppies and kittens are cute too, but it's hard to have a decent conversation with them, and I'm certainly not going to take advantage of them.

Younger people can be friends, acquaintances... usually no problem. Intimate partners? Big problem.

[_Some Schmo]

I respect your view and can you give me some references please?

I'm your reference. I have an 18 year old daughter who has 18 year old friends. I'm familiar with what they are like.

I think most 18 year old girls have more experience than me and some are probably more mature. It all depends on the person. People get experience by trying and learning from mistakes. I promise I really don't have a lot of experience, regardless of my age.

Well, you'll get that experience much faster by dealing with women around your own age. Your experience will suck unless you are challenged.

An 18 year old can die for the country, get in debt, buy a house, get the death penalty, and many things. I think 18 is old enough to make a decision, it's called freedom.

It's old enough to make certain decisions, but not all of them, and certainly not old enough to make particularly informed decisions.

Sure, girls have the freedom to make mistakes just like everyone else. It doesn't make it smart or right for the older guy taking advantage of that situation.