Lemmie wrote: Gadianton posted this pages back, did you read it, DT?
Yes I did. According to the NYT "The researchers determined that while men’s sexual desirability peaks at age 50, women’s starts high at 18 and falls from there...The study results echoed data shared by the dating behemoth OkCupid in 2010, in which the service found that men from the ages of 22 to 30 focus almost entirely on women who are younger than them." https://www.nytimes.com/2018/08/15/styl ... n-age.html
Did you read?
DoubtingThomas wrote: According to a 2008 study, "Instead, the relative difference between partners' levels of attractiveness appeared to be most important in predicting marital behavior, such that both spouses behaved more positively in relationships in which wives were more attractive than their husbands, but they behaved more negatively in relationships in which husbands were more attractive than their wives."
McNulty, James K., Lisa A. Neff, and Benjamin R. Karney. "Beyond initial attraction: physical attractiveness in newlywed marriage." Journal of Family Psychology 22.1 (2008): 135.
And according to a 2014 study, "Whereas husbands were more satisfied at the beginning of the marriage and remained more satisfied over the next 4 years to the extent that they had an attractive wife, wives were no more or less satisfied initially or over the next 4 years to the extent that they had an attractive husband. Most importantly, a direct test indicated that partner physical attractiveness played a larger role in predicting husbands’ satisfaction than predicting wives’ satisfaction. These findings strengthen support for the idea that sex differences in self-reported preferences for physical attractiveness do have implications for long-term relationship outcomes"
Meltzer, Andrea L., et al. "Sex differences in the implications of partner physical attractiveness for the trajectory of marital satisfaction." Journal of personality and social psychology 106.3 (2014): 418.
Jersey Girl wrote: In reply to me, you said you don't have time.
I don't have the time to drive hundreds of miles for the right therapist.
You haven't looked for a therapist from the first I mentioned therapy to you. You don't know where the 'right' therapist is. No one has to drive hundreds of miles to find a therapist.
You avoid taking responsibility for yourself. No woman wants, needs, or deserves an irresponsible man.
You aren't prepared to have a girlfriend.
Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.
Chinese Proverb
I still haven't shared links from the brain research.
Doubting Thomas , you have posted a bunch of evolutionary and biological observations to excuse your problem. In terms of evolution our forefathers and mothers some ten million years ago started increasing the amount we use our brains to invent better ways of doing things instead of relying as completely on past instinct programing.
I still haven't shared links from the brain research.
Doubting Thomas , you have posted a bunch of evolutionary and biological observations to excuse your problem. In terms of evolution our forefathers and mothers some ten million years ago started increasing the amount we use our brains to invent better ways of doing things instead of relying as completely on past instinct programing.
I suggest you follow that new program.
Understanding evolution can help us solve many problems. Evolutionary biology can help predict human behavior and statistics confirms it.
You said that you do want to be in a relationship when I suggested you might not want to be in one, and now as evidence to back that up you're citing links that say looks matter for a guy's long term happiness? Am I understanding?
I don't think I said anything that contradicts the links you cited. What in those links do you think answers my suggestion that you don't want to be in a relationship with; yes, you do want to be in one?
Read this very carefully, DT. I do not think you want to be in a relationship (my best guess) including a relationship of the parameters you set forth, with an attractive 18 year old. The way you describe relationships is a bit like Cinemax Late Night, with a bare plot to frame a string of predictable "special moments", but that doesn't mean such arrangements aren't relationships or that people can't possibly be fulfilled by such arrangements. I'm just saying, it's pretty clear to me that you aren't one of these people.
You can't respond to this with links to psychology today. That just proves that I'm right. Older guys hooking up with pretty young girls aren't spending all day on the internet unless it's teen chat or something. Do you drive a cherry-red convertible and hang out at Starbucks or across the street from the local high school? Why not? Do you go roller skating? theme parks? classes at a junior college? (you could use a few humanities courses). Do you stop and gab with young girls while grocery shopping? respond to a dozen personal adds a day? Do you wear a gold chain and go to movies alone and offer to buy chicks popcorn and joke around with them in line? If not, why not? Because you don't really want it. Hell, this thread is titled "Go to a bar?!!" What a freaking joke, since only an old hen of 21 can even get in! Did you mean a family bar, where an 18-year-old might be there with mom and dad?
In my experience, people who really, really want to be in relationships end up in relationships, and sometimes strings of them; not necessarily a good thing, just the way it is. It's not that hard for those who really have that in them. And this covers the whole spectrum of looks and money and what people might deem as odd matches. what they all have in common is that they want it, it's the people they are. Many of those who feel like outsiders, who never have the girlfriend etc., it's really that they don't want it bad enough to bare the cost of looking, or of living a lifestyle that doesn't interest them. The reason why it's important for you to start thinking about this is because if you can better identify what it is you want, life starts getting easier.
Everyone wants money, right? Everyone would say, yes, they want to be a millionaire with very few exceptions, if it's just a matter of snapping fingers. But it's really pretty meaningless to speak about what you want without speaking of it in terms of opportunity cost, what you are willing to give up for it. It's pretty obvious that the kid laying on the grass smoking pot all summer wants to be a millionaire less than the kid banging on doors and obsessively selling bug spray contracts. That's not necessarily a bad thing. The kid smoking pot who thinks he wants a million dollars might come to find the thing he really does want, and that gets him in the right direction where it's possible to be happier.
Lou Midgley 08/20/2020: "...meat wad," and "cockroach" are pithy descriptions of human beings used by gemli? They were not fashioned by Professor Peterson.
LM 11/23/2018: one can explain away the soul of human beings...as...a Meat Unit, to use Professor Peterson's clever derogatory description of gemli's ideology.
canpakes wrote:DT, since you insist on keeping this thread going - what was the nature of your relationship with the 46 year old woman? What did the two of you do?
Yea we are still going out. Nothing happened, so far.
Gadianton posted this pages back, did you read it, DT?