And he's absolutely right. If you miss him so badly and have begged him to come home, why on earth wouldn't you be pleased to see him for the few moments he has?
Well, he puts in no effort. I miss him being here and acting like he wants to be here. He darts in and wants to have sex and run back to work! I need more than just a sexual fling every few days. It's just not cutting it for me! It's as though I'm not worthy any of his time except when I am on my back. That rather pisses me off!
For example, let's say I can only eat sushi for a few moments. Do you think I'm going to get pissed off, or do you think I'm going to be happy as a clam to eat it for the few moments I have? (Hint: It'll definitely be the latter.)
I happen to love sushi. And will now be craving it for the rest of the day. Thank you! :P
I'm pissed off at him because he's not here doing what a father and husband should be doing. If I wanted a screw buddy I'd get one.
I don't get it, barrelomonkeys. Just a little earlier you were talking about how badly you miss your husband and need him to be home, but now you don't want him to touch you or even be near you now? If I missed my wife and needed her to be home, etc., you'd better believe I'd want her to touch me. You'd better believe I'd want her to be near me now.
See above statements. I'm pretty sure men and women may view it differently? I need a bit of mental foreplay. That's just me. :)
Not to be sexist or anything, but this thread is yet another example of why I'll NEVER understand women.
Ah, but I do understand my husband. He wants nookie time and doesn't want to put in the workie time. ;)
WTF?? What in the Sam Hell---?? If you're not a Christian, why for the love of God would you go to a Christian church???
Barrelomonkeys, you know I love you, but are we living on the same planet?
I go to a few different Churches. My kids enjoy it. It's sort of an interesting thing to watch. I enjoy going and meeting my neighbors. I don't get ookied out too much although I stumbled into a really fundamental Church once and haven't gone back. It's just a cultural sort of peeking in the window to see what all the fuss is about thingy that I do. :)
I just caught up on your thread. Dang, I wish we were neighbors or something. We would have a blast! LOL
I'm a California transplant trying to fit in here in North Carolina. Talk about trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. ;)
We've lived here since '93 and I still feel like an outsider, so I know what you're going through.
The truly close friends I have I could count on one hand. I'm grateful for them, though! Ironically, none of them are Church members. LOL
Part of my problem is that I really don't have time to socialize. When I'm not working, I'm spending time with my husband and kids.
I'm imagining that with you, things will get a little easier when Fall happens, and you're teaching again?
Still...if you lived closer to me, we would have a standing lunch date!
:)
Hi Liz. Yep in less than two weeks I have two courses I start and shortly after that I go back to work. I try to keep pretty busy... I just sometimes get really down that I don't have anyone here.
Shades I think what Book of Mormon is trying to say is that although she gets some physical intimacy she desires emotional and intellectual intimacy with the dude she signed up for to be her life partner. Since she's not getting those needs met she is pissed off at her hubby...she'd like to talk to him or maybe watch a movie or share a meal or some conversation or something....
Alright.....disregard that.....never married dude talking. Shut up Bond....
"Whatever appears to be against the Book of Mormon is going to be overturned at some time in the future. So we can be pretty open minded."-charity 3/7/07
Bond...James Bond wrote:*tapping into my feminine side*
Shades I think what Book of Mormon is trying to say is that although she gets some physical intimacy she desires emotional and intellectual intimacy with the dude she signed up for to be her life partner. Since she's not getting those needs met she is pissed off at her hubby...she'd like to talk to him or maybe watch a movie or share a meal or some conversation or something....
Alright.....disregard that.....never married dude talking. Shut up Bond....
You got it Bond! You'll make a fabulous husband. :D
*I'd also like him to take out the trash!*
First, Doc is a smart man on so many levels but when it comes to understanding relationship dynamics, he's out to lunch. No offense intended, but it's true.
What I've picked up on and no, I haven't read all of monkey's comments so monkeys, correct me where I'm wrong.
DH is involved in getting a new business off the ground that requires his full attention. I almost get the impression that he lives/breaths/eats/sleeps it 24/7 and that's understandable. I've been in that spot and I know.
While this is happening, monkeys has had to be relocated in a new town. I don't know how long they've been there but right now she feels isolated.
Let me interject why I know how this feels. monkeys, by my estimation, I've been married longer than you've been alive. Twenty four years of that time was spent as a military wife. We didn't have to relocate alot but each time we did, where DH had a new job already waiting for him and built-in network of colleagues, I had to start over every single time. I had to leave my friends, job hunt and find new social connections. Kind of like building a block tower (;-) and having it knocked down, only to have to build it all over again. Be glad you're not in a foreign country where you don't speak the language!!
I'm an introvert like you are and I know all too well, that you are probably very selective in choosing friends and rather than have a large network of friends, you require or seek out one or two close friends with whom you can share your inner self with.
How'm I doing?
So there you are, in a new town, DH gone all the time while you're rowing the boat at home. You feel:
Dumped on
Abandoned
Lonely
Pissed off
When a woman has a build up of negative feelings, there is no way in heck she wants to be physically intimate. Where a man can separate sexual desires from everything else in the world and uh...do it on a dime, a woman's sense of intimacy is directly related to her feelings.
Considering monkey's negative feelings, that's exactly why she doesn't want him to touch her. When a woman forces herself to be physically intimate without the feelings of intimacy that drive passion, sex becomes nothing more than a physical act wherein she feels used and further devalued. In other words, she feels even more dumped on.
Listen up guys! You're getting pearls of wisdom here!
Having said all of that, monkey's DH is doing what is right and best for his family in the long run. It's taking alot of work but when the business gets off the ground it's possible that he will be able to hire staff where he can delegate and unload himself of some of the daily tasks that take up his time right now. I'm just guessing on the additional staff part. But still and all, in his own "man way" he is showing his devotion to his family by devoting himself to getting a business off the ground to secure their financial future.
For right now, I think that monkeys needs to do something for monkeys. She's going to start taking classes soon and that's exactly what's going to help her begin making social connections. She might find a study partner in class, another student who shares her interests (you will find out via class discussions, monkeys who you might connect with) and with whom monkeys can perhaps share a meal, meet for coffee or collaborate with at the library.
It's coming monkeys, just hold on!!!!
Doc is wrong about going to the church. If monkeys finds fellowship in the church it's perfectly fine for her to go without being a believer. Doc, contrary to how Mormons become involved in church via family inheritance, in other churches it is an individual decision to follow Christ and other churches are filled with non-believers. Where do you think the current Christians came from? So no, there's not a thing wrong with monkeys attending church or becoming involved with activities that are of interest to her whether it's a worship service, women's Bible study or simply showing up for the fellowship dinners so she can have some company.
Another thing, yes we are monkeys' friends on this board but there is a big difference between e-friends and real life friends on the street. We can share our words of encouragement with monkeys and those will definitely have a positive impact on her but we are not "your friends now" and to say that to her is not helping her. She needs a real life tangible network of friends and my money says she's going to begin building that right now when she begins classes. The most we have to offer monkeys is sincere words of encouragement, hearing her vents when she needs to and maybe some folks will be able to meet up with her.
This isn't real life, Doc. It's a message board. monkeys can't pick up the phone and invite us to meet her at Starbucks, meet up with her or meet up with her and the kids at the park.
When we write on this screen ((((monkeys)))) it's not the same thing as real arms. monkeys needs real arms and speaking as a sister introvert, she needs real eyes to look in to.
monkeys once you start off on your classes, I think you'll have fun and meet people with whom you connect. If nothing else, you will know that you are putting something "back in to you". That's a good thing! See if you can get DH to agree to a specific date night to keep yourselves connected.
Jersey "the translator" Girl
p.s. I want Bond for a SIL! :-)
Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.
Chinese Proverb
barrelomonkeys wrote:You got it Bond! You'll make a fabulous husband. :D *I'd also like him to take out the trash!*
Jersey Girl wrote:p.s. I want Bond for a SIL! :-)
Alright if you gals aren't careful you're going to raise my self esteem high enough for me to consider myself marriage material....and you don't want that happening for the good of all womenkind. :)
PS: Jersey Girl that's what I was trying to say.....thanks for reading my mind and putting those words on screen (and making me sound smart).....
PPS: Jersey Girl if I'm not married by 50 I'll come and be your SIL....assuming of course you have any unattached daughters (who like tall, blonde, and goofy dudes).
"Whatever appears to be against the Book of Mormon is going to be overturned at some time in the future. So we can be pretty open minded."-charity 3/7/07