The DoubtingThomas dating / relationships MEGATHREAD

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_Jersey Girl
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Re: Go to a bar? New thread

Post by _Jersey Girl »

DoubtingThomas wrote:
Perfume on my Mind wrote:Unless you work on them, your problems are going nowhere, with or without a girlfriend..

What problems? My problem is that I feel lonely and I no longer believe in god. Some people go to religion to feel better, but it won't work for me. I simply want to be happy with a woman, that is all I want.

But if I have problems that I can fix right now please let me know.


What do you mean what problems? I thought you said you have PTSD.
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_Gadianton
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Re: Go to a bar? New thread

Post by _Gadianton »

Doubting Thomas wrote:He obviously has other problems. What problems do I have that I need to fix first? Why am I the problem?


Problem #1: you're over-thinking this whole thing and may need a clinical diagnosis to tell you why. You have higher expectations (in one dimension) than Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise combined with no realistic means to achieve what you want. Most people, when they get desperate, lower their expectations. Your expectations seems to rise, like the guy I told you about, in proportion to your desperation and your inability to achieve the object of your desire. You aren't responding to the situation the way a rational person would. You need to see a psychiatrist or a serious psychologist and get a diagnosis; not a basic therapist. I went to a psychiatrist in college once because I thought I had all kinds of mental issues and basically she told me to pound sand. Wouldn't even schedule a second appointment. If you have something, a half-decent shrink will get to the bottom of it pretty quick, and if you don't they won't waste your time. So what has to be fixed first depends on that diagnosis.

problem # 2: Assuming you have no issues a psychiatrist cares to treat, and assuming you aren't trolling, then you have a major issue lying to yourself. All your stupid citations to psych literature to justify hooking up with an 18-year-old are so dumb, that at this point I'm not going to respond to them anymore. You're attracted to hot young women, big deal? Go to a strip club or something. I mean, most people just stop at turning their base desires into heroic visions of romance and love, reading into a partner or potential partner all kinds of attributes and lofty ideals for the relationship when all they really have is a physical need. That's lying to oneself, but it's a normal version of lying to oneself. I've never seen, until now, a hospital drama spun from base desires, where the protagonist lay in medical jeopardy, not awaiting a lung transplant, but awaiting a hot teenage girl be given to him to fulfill his physical needs otherwise he may die. On the stupid meter it's a 9.5, and nobody on the entire Internet is going to be on the side of the protagonist of this drama. So either look for more direct ways to get sex or seriously up your game so that you have a realistic chance. Otherwise, enjoy complaining and what looks like trolling, even if it isn't.

problem #3: Your job. You work a lot of hours, don't seem to get much out of it, and you don't even have medical insurance? You're clearly a smart guy, and so get a better job that has insurance. There are lots of female recruiters so it's even an excuse just to have a conversation, get out of your comfort zone a little, and break out of the dead end you're currently in to some extent at least.
Lou Midgley 08/20/2020: "...meat wad," and "cockroach" are pithy descriptions of human beings used by gemli? They were not fashioned by Professor Peterson.

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_EAllusion
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Re: Go to a bar? New thread

Post by _EAllusion »

Nevermind that studies showing a correlation between measures of personal well being and age of sexual relationships are going to be pregnant with correlation/causation inference issues. The specific article you refer to speculates that it has to do with development of interpersonal skills that themselves predict well-being.

Those study(s) referred to in this thread describe closely overlapping distributions. To imply that being in the less desirable group as far as age of sexual relationship is concerned is effectively the same as a a hopeless death sentence for your well being is an egregious misreading even if the causation neatly worked in the direction you imagine. Regardless of age of sexual relationship, there's lots of room for people to fall all over the distribution because the bulk of personal well-being outcomes depend on factors other than this.

You appear to care a lot about what science has to say DT. The cynical reading of you is that you're just cloaking your base desires in a veneer of scientific concern, but I think somewhere in there you actually care a lot about what science has to say about subjects you weigh in on. The kind of reasoning you are engaging in here shows scientific illiteracy. To the extent you care about what science is actually saying, you need to do some self-reflection.
_Jersey Girl
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Re: Go to a bar? New thread

Post by _Jersey Girl »

EA does factitious disorder have to involve physical illness/symptoms?
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_EAllusion
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Re: Go to a bar? New thread

Post by _EAllusion »

Jersey Girl wrote:EAllusion does factitious disorder have to involve physical illness/symptoms?


No. You can have a factitious disorder where the presented symptoms are mental.

Though, if you are armchair diagnosing DT with a factitious disorder, I have to say he's said nothing that really indicates that. I know you probably think this is attention seeking but attention seeking descriptions of personal problems in of itself =/= factitious disorder.
_Jersey Girl
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Re: Go to a bar? New thread

Post by _Jersey Girl »

EAllusion wrote:
Jersey Girl wrote:EAllusion does factitious disorder have to involve physical illness/symptoms?


No. You can have a factitious disorder where the presented symptoms are mental.

Though, if you are armchair diagnosing DT with a factitious disorder, I have to say he's said nothing that really indicates that. I know you probably think this is attention seeking but attention seeking descriptions of personal problems in of itself =/= factitious disorder.


Not I wasn't thinking about attention seeking per se.

What about the part where it's like a continuous loop effect. Like compulsive and solution avoidant at the same time. It just keeps going on and on.
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_Jersey Girl
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Re: Go to a bar? New thread

Post by _Jersey Girl »

ETA: Not armchair diagnosing. Just trying to make sense of what I'm seeing. The closest I can get is the loop description. And yes, I know I can only see what's here.
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_I have a question
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Re: Go to a bar? New thread

Post by _I have a question »

DoubtingThomas wrote:So it hurts not to believe in God anymore and it hurts more that you are unable to be happy. I want to be happy, but I simply can't.

So choose to be happy. Be happy you’re single, if you want to go to a game, you can. If you want to go for a coffee and read the paper, you can. If you want to go and have a weekend in San Francisco and a good look around, take some snaps, eat some nice food and have the odd glass of wine, you can just hop on a plane and go. Join a club that is an interest you have - photography, philately, books etc.

I know lots of people who enjoy being single. They’re happy because they choose to do things that make them happy. Attaching your state of happiness onto another human being is unfair on them and unhelpful to you. Generally speaking people want to spend time with people who are comfortable with themselves and aren’t desperately trying to get in their pants at the first opportunity.

Your desperation is repellant to others. The more desperate you are the more you repel people. Settle yourself on being single and become happy with yourself. That you can control. Then, if you meet someone along the way, so be it. And if you don’t, it doesn’t matter.

Stop being a creepy sicko. /$0.02
“When we are confronted with evidence that challenges our deeply held beliefs we are more likely to reframe the evidence than we are to alter our beliefs. We simply invent new reasons, new justifications, new explanations. Sometimes we ignore the evidence altogether.” (Mathew Syed 'Black Box Thinking')
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Re: Go to a bar? New thread

Post by _MeDotOrg »

Jerome J. Garcia, Philip Lesh, Robert C. Hunter and Robert Hall Weir wrote:Most of the cats that you meet on the streets speak of true love,
Most of the time they're sittin' and cryin' at home.
One of these days they know they better get goin'
Out of the door and down on the streets all alone.


You want a woman to satisfy you, but what do you bring to the table? If all you bring to a relationship is the desire to be completed by a woman, what does she get in return?

I find passivity of voice in many of your comments. Get out there, make mistakes, learn from them. It's like you are being the dilettante of your own experience of life, dabbling at the edges without jumping into the pool. The only way for someone to know who you are is to put your cards on the table. Are you ready to do that? Who are you? Are you comfortable with yourself? And are you willing let someone else see who you really are?

In many cultures young men go for Walkabouts or Vision Quests. You try to wrestle with yourself, to get a sense of your own identity and purpose, and in dealing with the unknown, to find the core of yourself. You then have a sense of power and purpose in your life. It is something that ultimately has to come from within you. No one else or nothing else can give it to you.
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_DoubtingThomas
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Re: Go to a bar? New thread

Post by _DoubtingThomas »

EAllusion wrote:Nevermind that studies showing a correlation between measures of personal well being and age of sexual relationships


Please give me the references. I do agree early sex isn't a good idea and studies show it. https://www.reuters.com/article/us-virg ... 7220071204

EAllusion wrote: The specific article you refer to speculates that it has to do with development of interpersonal skills that themselves predict well-being.


Which one? One of them concludes, " Instead, the relative difference between partners' levels of attractiveness appeared to be most important in predicting marital behavior, such that both spouses behaved more positively in relationships in which wives were more attractive than their husbands, but they behaved more negatively in relationships in which husbands were more attractive than their wives"

https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-01362-014

And another "These findings strengthen support for the idea that sex differences in self-reported preferences for physical attractiveness do have implications for long-term relationship outcomes"

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24128188

And many studies show that attraction peaks at 18 years.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/08/15/styl ... n-age.html

Would you agree? Now do you have any references that show 18-22 year old girls can't have in a healthy relationship with a guy in his 20s?

EAllusion wrote:Though, if you are armchair diagnosing DT with a factitious disorder, I have to say he's said nothing that really indicates that. I know you probably think this is attention seeking but attention seeking descriptions of personal problems in of itself =/= factitious disorder.


Thank You!
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