The DoubtingThomas dating / relationships MEGATHREAD

[_Jersey Girl]

Shades your posts are too freaking long.

That's 'cause I'm able to type everything into a single post instead of needlessly breaking them down into four or five posts in a row.

No. It's because you don't bother to observe DT in his responses.

[_Lemmie]

Shades your posts are too freaking long.

That's 'cause I'm able to type everything into a single post instead of needlessly breaking them down into four or five posts in a row.

No. It's because you don't bother to observe DT in his responses.

And what do you think people should be observing in DT’s responses?

Given your repeated comments about being on the autism spectrum, it seems you have diagnosed DoubtingThomas, on the basis of his most recent internet posts, to be on the autism spectrum. It is interesting that you seem to have made this “diagnosis” concurrent with his wildly and disturbingly inappropriate comments about women, dating, and relationships. It is also interesting that in his earliest comments, both here [deleted], he trolled about apologetic topics, not women and incel topics, and apparently evidenced none of the autistic attributes you now see. Or at least he didn’t attract your attention in the same way.

But please, correct me if I’m wrong. If you know that he is on the autism spectrum, then it is appropriate to let the rest of us know, so that we can respond appropriately and empathetically.

On the other hand, your willingness to interpret this behavior as autism when the same behavior around a different topic resulted in no such interpretation reminds me of nothing more than this article. Some excerpts:

21 AUG 2019 - Autism is no defence for cruelty
by Alex Creece

When it comes to maladaptive behaviours in men, autism is the go-to explanation.

... Why is autism seen as the likely catalyst of execrable male behaviour?

....By connoting male cruelty to autism, we displace the individual’s accountability for their own actions on to an already marginalised and misrepresented community.

....[Relating an experience with HR and a male worker:] When female employees, including myself, expressed discomfort around him, we were told by the higher-ups to avoid being alone with him but try to be otherwise agreeable, as he was undeniably a little odd, but “might be on the spectrum”.

The next time you hear someone excuse terrible male behaviour with the line, “oh he’s probably on the spectrum”, just remember: so am I....

https://www.sbs.com.au/topics/life/heal ... ce-cruelty

Or maybe we could just take DT at face value:

Doc,

Thank you for another demonstration that your posts are autistic, not engaging what I'm actually saying but simply pursuing your own, unrelated agenda. I'll henceforth dutifully ignore them.

Don

Hey Don,

I don't have autism like doc cam. In case you missed it.

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=46360&start=84&p=1063005&view=show#p1063005

[_Jersey Girl]

And what do you think people should be observing in DT’s responses?

Given your repeated comments about being on the autism spectrum, it seems you have diagnosed DoubtingThomas, on the basis of his most recent internet posts, to be on the autism spectrum. It is interesting that you seem to have made this “diagnosis” concurrent with his wildly and disturbingly inappropriate comments about women, dating, and relationships. It is also interesting that in his earliest comments, both here and on MDD, he trolled about apologetic topics, not women and incel topics, and apparently evidenced none of the autistic attributes you now see. Or at least he didn’t attract your attention in the same way.

But please, correct me if I’m wrong. If you know that he is on the autism spectrum, then it is appropriate to let the rest of us know, so that we can respond appropriately and empathetically.

I've already discussed the above at length here, Lemmie. I haven't diagnosed DT and I'm not the only poster who has alluded to or mentioned traits of ASD. Here's my take. According to him, he was diagnosed and referred in elementary school as having ADD/ADHD. I know that ASD can be mistaken for ADD/ADHD in childhood particularly when the child isn't followed. He shared that his therapy was discontinued so it's very possible that he is indeed on the spectrum and since his support was withdrawn, it was never formally diagnosed.

[snipped out BS]

Or maybe we could just take DT at face value:

Hey Don,

I don't have autism like doc cam. In case you missed it.

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=46360&start=84&p=1063005&view=show#p1063005

We could take him at face value as you suggest based on the above response or we could err on the side of caution take into consideration that he may have never been properly diagnosed (knowing that there was a huge gap in support), that therapy is probably a good option for him regardless of what his diagnosis might possibly be, and treat him like he's an actual human.

Or I guess just go on condemning and needling him like he's a piece of crap, and see how it lands.

[Guest]

Here's my take. According to him he was diagnosed and referred in elementary school as having ADD/ADHD. I know that ASD can be mistaken for ADD/ADHD in childhood particularly when the child isn't followed. He shared that his therapy was discontinued so it's very possible that he is indeed on the spectrum and since his support was withdrawn, it was never formally diagnosed.

bolded to point out the OBVIOUS. And really? You go from “according to him,” through “can be mistaken for” and another “according to him,” to get to “it’s very possible,” supplemented by another “according to him,” and finally “never formally diagnosed,” and you still conclude “possible that he is indeed on the spectrum.” Please. What’s far more believable is the article I posted:

” When it comes to maladaptive behaviours in men, autism is the go-to explanation. ... Why is autism seen as the likely catalyst of execrable male behaviour?”


Back to your post:

Or or we could err on the side of caution...

Let’s do that! Let’s continue refuting the misogynistic sexism being spewed, and when the poster says sorry, I didn’t mean to [which he has done minimum 5 times in this thread alone], but then picks up again with exactly the same BS, we can err on the side of caution and refute it again.

.... and treat him like he's an actual human.

Now that’s a fascinating comment. DT talks about women repeatedly, in very disgusting ways, as though they are NOT actual humans.

Or I guess just go on condemning and needling him like he's a piece of crap, and see how it lands.

That’s how you see it. Interesting. I mentioned before my intent, which has nothing to do with “needling”:

He STILL says that, after all the despicable stuff he’s written has been pointed out, again and again? He’s just starting the cycle again, and will go through, politely and sadly, all the misogynistic topics again, being insulting and degrading but just on the edge so it will be tolerated.

Your policy is to tolerate it, I understand. You are committed to free speech on this board, and that’s great. And it is appreciated that, going forward, his threads regarding relationships are contained here, thus grouping and limiting many of his incel topics to one location.

But like you said when DT asked for no reply, message boards don’t work like that. As long as DT acts like an incel troll, I will continue to point it out. Messages of hate, while technically tolerated as free speech, don’t need to be actually tolerated. They can and do need to be refuted, every single time.

My intent is to refute the inappropriate content, from someone who repeatedly posts messages of hatred toward women then says sorry, and then repeats. His earliest posts indicate he clearly has the capacity to distinguish. That you define my refutation of sexism as “needling” and “condemning” is deeply offensive.

People do not need to politely and kindly tolerate the types of sexist, misogynistic comments made by posters like DT.

[Reflexzero]

Depression, autism, and anxiety are in the top ten relationship deal breakers.

https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2018-60117-001?doi=1

So you think women should stay away from guys with autism, anxiety, and depression?

[…]

Apologies for being blunt, but each of the conditions that you list can carry a toll of varying severity affecting the practical or romantic survivability of the relationship.

[…]

It's certainly fair that a person is allowed to consider their own survivability within a relationship, and to not have to sacrifice themselves upon the alter of another whom is either unwilling or unable to stop themselves from self-destructing and taking with them as many folks who'd dare be close enough to become collateral damage.

We who have a mental illness, salute you.

Seriously. This is so spot on. Relationships are hard. Relationships with someone who has a broken barometer within are even harder. Not everyone is equipped to weather those types of storms, and they should be given the opportunity to decide long before they find themselves in the eye of it.

[_Dr. Shades]

That's 'cause I'm able to type everything into a single post instead of needlessly breaking them down into four or five posts in a row.

No. It's because you don't bother to observe DT in his responses.

??? Didn't you see how I quoted him no less than five different times, and carefully responded directly to each point he brought up?

I really don't understand what you're missing here.

[_canpakes]

Relationships are hard. Relationships with someone who has a broken barometer within are even harder. Not everyone is equipped to weather those types of storms, and they should be given the opportunity to decide long before they find themselves in the eye of it.

I couldn't type that post without wanting to stab my hand with a fork in the midst of it.

No matter how strongly (you) love another person, you cannot always help them to a better place. If their challenges are so great that they simply subsume you into their dysfunction, then your own anchor is lost ... and you cannot take care of another if you can no longer take care of yourself.

[_Lemmie]

Relationships are hard. Relationships with someone who has a broken barometer within are even harder. Not everyone is equipped to weather those types of storms, and they should be given the opportunity to decide long before they find themselves in the eye of it.

I couldn't type that post without wanting to stab my hand with a fork in the midst of it.

No matter how strongly (you) love another person, you cannot always help them to a better place. If their challenges are so great that they simply subsume you into their dysfunction, then your own anchor is lost ... and you cannot take care of another if you can no longer take care of yourself.

Excellent points. Thank you both.

[_Doctor CamNC4Me]

I just want it on record that I regret (a little bit) giving Don Bradley the business. I get frustrated when Mormons engage in hardcore fan fiction, but for the most part I believe he's just trying to make the whole thing work for him. I don't know why I feel a little repentant toward him and not others... Maybe because he's not an earnest troll like, ahm, he who shall not be named (I don't want to summon him to derail any threads and make it all about himself).

- Doc

[_DoubtingThomas]

Lemmie, you need to remove your appropriate comment. I sent a message to Shades to remove your highly inappropriate comment. Clearly against the rules.