The DoubtingThomas dating / relationships MEGATHREAD

[_Jersey Girl]

DT I just looked in here. You've got three threads going on today where at least 2 should be in the Mega Thread that Shades made for you. It looks like you're blowing up all over the place.

What's going on? Did you get furloughed from work?

You wrote: I feel like garbage and there is no group therapy because of the virus.

There's telemedicine with anyone you want to access, including therapists. If you want group therapy I'm sure they're offering Zoom meetings.

My guess is that you haven't got into therapy yet. Blowing up on here isn't going to help anything. It makes you look out of control and no one here is going to respond favorably to that. You need to learn how to stop yourself. Go stick your head outside and get some fresh air. Do something that engages your physical strength. Ya got a set of weights? Anything heavy around there you can lift?

[_Lemmie]

I will stop. Please let the thread die.

Do the right thing and ask Dr. Shades to move it all to your mega thread, which is where he asked you to post stuff like this.

[_Doctor CamNC4Me]

I regret giving DT any advice. It’s like pouring water on a rock expecting absorption. Same with LDSFAQs.

[_Res Ipsa]

DT, my wife and I have been married 25 years. We both had prior sexual relationships. But neither of us have ever asked the other how many prior partners. Neither of us have ever cared. Our relationship is ours. And my wife would be just as attractive to me regardless of the number of people she had sex with before me.

You are treating statistical averages as though they determine your destiny. You should know better than that.

[_Dr. Shades]

Holy cow. Look, when you meet a woman, you're flat-out not going to know how many sexual partners she's had, and chances are she's not going to volunteer that information to you. So she'll be attractive to you for other reasons (or not).

Does DoubtingThomas want to be happy in a relationship? Then DoubtingThomas MUST NEVER ASK HER HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS SHE'S HAD.* It's not like it's his business anyway.

Here's the breakdown:

A woman who has had too many sexual partners = a woman who has had one more sexual partner than DoubtingThomas has.

And please take Lemmie's advice and only post your dating / relationship hang-ups in the specific thread that was created for it. DO NOT START A NEW THREAD. EVER.

*That advice is for DoubtingThomas, not for anyone else. He's the only one pathologically hung up about it.

[_moksha]

Just make sure you do not find a mate who will make you sit on the young one through a long hard winter, while she goes off frolicking on an aquatic adventure - unless you are into that sort of thing!!!

[_Analytics]

Okay, please help me. What can I do to change my feelings? I don't want to care, but it is hard not to care. Can I do something about it? Please tell me and give me some scientific references.

Actually, it is quite possible to completely control your feelings. I wouldn't necessarily say it is easy, but doing so is straightforward if you have the gumption to take charge of your own life. A book on the subject is Rapt by Winifred Gallagher. It turns out that you can control your emotions by controlling your behavior and your focus.

Here is a link to an excerpt:

https://www.earthandspiritcenter.org/wp ... d-Life.pdf

[_DoubtingThomas]

DT, my wife and I have been married 25 years. We both had prior sexual relationships. But neither of us have ever asked the other how many prior partners. Neither of us have ever cared. Our relationship is ours. And my wife would be just as attractive to me regardless of the number of people she had sex with before me.

You are treating statistical averages as though they determine your destiny. You should know better than that.

I get it. Thanks. I will try not to care because a relationship doesn't have to be affected by your history. It is all in my head.

But just one thing. Do you have anything to say about "in Model 3 (Table 4), individuals who reported more lifetime sexual partners were significantly less likely to report being sexually satisfied" and STD risk? It is just a concern, I understand statistics can't determine my destiny. I will try to get over it.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25370356

I am sorry for using Mormon discussions as a frustration diary/talk therapy. I really have to stop it and get over it.

[_DoubtingThomas]

nd please take Lemmie's advice and only post your dating / relationship hang-ups in the specific thread that was created for it. DO NOT START A NEW THREAD. EVER.

I understand. But it doesn't matter because it is my last post on the topic.

DT, my wife and I have been married 25 years. We both had prior sexual relationships. But neither of us have ever asked the other how many prior partners. Neither of us have ever cared. Our relationship is ours. And my wife would be just as attractive to me regardless of the number of people she had sex with before me.

You are treating statistical averages as though they determine your destiny. You should know better than that.

I get it. Thanks. I will try not to care because a relationship doesn't have to be affected by your history. It is all in my head.

But just one thing. Do you have anything to say about "in Model 3 (Table 4), individuals who reported more lifetime sexual partners were significantly less likely to report being sexually satisfied" and STD risk? It is just a concern, I understand statistics can't determine my destiny. I will try to get over it.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25370356

I am sorry for using Mormon discussions as a frustration diary/talk therapy. I really have to stop it and get over it.

[Guest]

I do want to say that I went on a date (twice) on March with a really beautiful woman and I am still talking (texting ) with her. It really improved my self-esteem.