The DoubtingThomas dating / relationships MEGATHREAD

[_Analytics]

Thanks for the reference, Analytics, that is excellent. I am getting the book.

Great news. "I will live the focus life, because it is the best kind of life there is" is now a mantra of mine. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on it.

[_Dr. Shades]

(Lemmie's post, just above, is more important than this one, so fully digest that one before moving on to this one.)

DoubtingThomas, if you found someone who has ALL the traits you're after, and none of the traits you're so desperate to avoid, what do you have that would convince her to choose YOU over anyone else she could get?

[_ajax18]

Very true! Nobody cares and God doesn't exists. No more. I promise.

Thank you for sharing. Let me read it.

It's very tough to deal with relationships without God. I'd say impossible.

[_ajax18]

Does DoubtingThomas want to be happy in a relationship? Then DoubtingThomas MUST NEVER ASK HER HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS SHE'S HAD.* It's not like it's his business anyway.

Well I didn't think you slept with guys like Lumberg!

[_I have a question]

It's very tough to deal with relationships without God. I'd say impossible.

Are you really saying what it appears you're saying - that relationships are impossible without God?

[_subgenius]

Does DoubtingThomas want to be happy in a relationship? Then DoubtingThomas MUST NEVER ASK HER HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS SHE'S HAD.* It's not like it's his business anyway.

1. DT, like anyone else, is free to ask a woman or man anything.
2. The happiness of any relationship in the wake of such a question is not predictable because people are odd and varied, as evidenced by DT.

I wonder how many men on this board, in happy relationships with a woman, have ever asked the same question of that same woman?
can we poll it?

[_Doctor CamNC4Me]

Why don't you start? Did you ask your, whatever she is, how many people she had sex with?

- Doc

[Guest]

And as usual, please stop talking about women as though they are things to acquire, or commodities with exchangeable sets of attributes you insist you “deserve.” It is offensive.

Women are not are things. Do women treat guys like things? Most women would never date a guy that makes significantly less than them, others would never date a virgin (there is some data on that), others only like guys that can make them laugh, and some only want a return missionary. I am not necessarily looking for a virgin, but dating a woman with no history would mean NO STD risk. If I date a woman with a history of 5 or more, I probably wouldn't be the best one. However, it is likely that I will be forced not to care, so I have to get over it.

You picking out that sentence from wherever you vaguely quoted it tells me that you still think of women as things. Do you even read the links you post?

I assure you I didn't quote Fisher's paper out of context. In the other paper Heiman wrote, "Models predicting sexual satisfaction included significant physical intimacy and sexual functioning for both genders and, for men, more frequent recent sexual activity and fewer lifetime partners". Heiman suggested, "More sexual partners predicted less sexual satisfaction. Searching for a better partner or sexual experience may emerge from or be connected to a lack of sexual satisfaction rather than just a desire for sexual recreation and variety. Alternatively, more partners might indicate different standards based on greater experience." That is my concern!
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21267644

I agree with everything else you said. But please let the thread die, let me forget it. Please.

DT, your link is to an article behind a paywall. I don’t think anything about a graph from a paper I can’t read. The abstract doesn’t say anything about sexual history.

I just quoted another paper. And here is the link to access the paper.
https://kinseyinstitute.org/pdf/heiman- ... ntries.pdf

[_DoubtingThomas]

DoubtingThomas, if you found someone who has ALL the trait's you're after, and none of the traits you're so desperate to avoid, what do you have that would convince her to choose YOU over anyone else she could get?

That is very true, I promise to do my best,

It still bothers me. Do you have anything to say about

In the other paper Heiman wrote, "Models predicting sexual satisfaction included significant physical intimacy and sexual functioning for both genders and, for men, more frequent recent sexual activity and fewer lifetime partners". Heiman suggested, "More sexual partners predicted less sexual satisfaction. Searching for a better partner or sexual experience may emerge from or be connected to a lack of sexual satisfaction rather than just a desire for sexual recreation and variety. Alternatively, more partners might indicate different standards based on greater experience." That is my concern!

But like I said to be happy I just have to stop caring about that and try to be the best.

[Guest]

I'm 38 years old and have had two sexual partners my entire life.

But even when I was single after the divorce (ages 32-35) and that rare thirty-something who'd only had one sexual partner, I wouldn't have dated a guy who was fixated on this. It's not a healthy mindset to have.

I can tell that you are a good person. Your husband is a lucky guy. Thank you for sharing your opinion.