The DoubtingThomas dating / relationships MEGATHREAD

[_DoubtingThomas]

I am sorry for using Mormon discussions as a frustration diary/talk therapy. I really have to stop it and get over it.

If it's any consolation to you I don't think you're the only person frustrated these days. But you do have this thread to continue your topic as you see fit. I have a long running thread in Prison (that I haven't tended to lately) and I just go in there and say whatever I want. Actually, there's 2 that I have there. Sometimes people comment on those and other times I think if anyone looks in there they're just like "Oh it's Jersey again who cares". :rolleyes: They're probably boring threads but I like having them when I feel like posting on them.

I will check them out. Thank you friend.

[_Dr. Shades]

Heiman wrote, "Models predicting sexual satisfaction included significant physical intimacy and sexual functioning for both genders and, for men, more frequent recent sexual activity and fewer lifetime partners". Heiman suggested, "More sexual partners predicted less sexual satisfaction. Searching for a better partner or sexual experience may emerge from or be connected to a lack of sexual satisfaction rather than just a desire for sexual recreation and variety. Alternatively, more partners might indicate different standards based on greater experience." That is my concern.

Dude, you need to quit giving a damn what Heiman wrote. Your relationship is your own, not his. You define it, not him.

[_Res Ipsa]

I'm 38 years old and have had two sexual partners my entire life.

But even when I was single after the divorce (ages 32-35) and that rare thirty-something who'd only had one sexual partner, I wouldn't have dated a guy who was fixated on this. It's not a healthy mindset to have.

I can tell that you are a good person. Your husband is a lucky guy. Thank you for sharing your opinion.

Heiman wrote, "Models predicting sexual satisfaction included significant physical intimacy and sexual functioning for both genders and, for men, more frequent recent sexual activity and fewer lifetime partners". Heiman suggested, "More sexual partners predicted less sexual satisfaction. Searching for a better partner or sexual experience may emerge from or be connected to a lack of sexual satisfaction rather than just a desire for sexual recreation and variety. Alternatively, more partners might indicate different standards based on greater experience." That is my concern.

Models. May. Might. You’re doing it again.

[_ajax18]

Are you really saying what it appears you're saying - that relationships are impossible without God?

I don't see many marriages lasting without faith in Christ and the attonement. It's tough to otherwise find meaning in all the crap one must put up with during dating, marriage, and after the divorce.

The sermon on the mount has given me reasons and strength to get through a lot of bad relationships in my life, not just marriage and dating. I'm over 40 and haven't killed anyone yet.:)

[_canpakes]

Why don't you start? Did you ask your, whatever she is, how many people she had sex with?

- Doc

Interesting factoid here is that the list doesn’t include the person that you’re addressing the question to.

[_Jersey Girl]

If it's any consolation to you I don't think you're the only person frustrated these days. But you do have this thread to continue your topic as you see fit. I have a long running thread in Prison (that I haven't tended to lately) and I just go in there and say whatever I want. Actually, there's 2 that I have there. Sometimes people comment on those and other times I think if anyone looks in there they're just like "Oh it's Jersey again who cares". :rolleyes: They're probably boring threads but I like having them when I feel like posting on them.

I will check them out. Thank you friend.

Oh you don't need to read those threads. It's mostly me ranting or reporting about weight loss/health.

You're very welcome, DT.

[_Dr. Shades]

It still bothers me. Do you have anything to say about [SNIP!]

Yes, I do have something to say about it: HEIMAN ISN'T YOU, AND YOU AREN'T HEIMAN! STOP GIVING A TINKER'S DAMN ABOUT WHATEVER HEIMAN SAYS!!

[_Lemmie]

And as usual, please stop talking about women as though they are things to acquire, or commodities with exchangeable sets of attributes you insist you “deserve.” It is offensive.

Women are not are things. Do women treat guys like things? Most women would never date a guy that makes significantly less than them, others would never date a virgin (there is some data on that), others only like guys that can make them laugh, and some only want a return missionary. I am not necessarily looking for a virgin, but dating a woman with no history would mean NO STD risk. If I date a woman with a history of 5 or more, I probably wouldn't be the best one. However, it is likely that I will be forced not to care, so I have to get over it.

That entire response is you talking about women, not only as things, but as mostly identical things, things which you sort into groups of “attractiveness” to you based on their “history,” which you define solely by the number of sexual partners.

It’s a ridiculous way to assess people, and the fact that you comment, over and over like that, is offensive and sexist. It is difficult to imagine an adult person legitimately being as tone-deaf as you seem to be to the impact of your language, especially given how many people have commented on it, which renews my concerns that you are simply a troll, intent upon introducing sexism and misogyny into the conversation. You take full advantage of nice people like Jersey Girl taking you at face value, which of course means you can continue to introduce sexism and hatred into every statement you make in response. Stop it. Your offensive sexism has no place here.

[_Lemmie]

DoubtingThomas, if you found someone who has ALL the trait's you're after, and none of the traits you're so desperate to avoid, what do you have that would convince her to choose YOU over anyone else she could get?

That is very true, I promise to do my best...

What?!! This is why I think there is a very strong probability you are simply trolling. In no way is your response an answer to Dr shades’ question.

[_I have a question]

Are you really saying what it appears you're saying - that relationships are impossible without God?

I don't see many marriages lasting without faith in Christ and the attonement. It's tough to otherwise find meaning in all the crap one must put up with during dating, marriage, and after the divorce.

The sermon on the mount has given me reasons and strength to get through a lot of bad relationships in my life, not just marriage and dating. I'm over 40 and haven't killed anyone yet.:)

I cannot find data that sides with your personal view (I'm not saying such data doesn't exist, I simply can't find it). But I did find this:

According to research by the Barna Research Group over a decade ago, American divorce rates were highest among Baptists and nondenominational “Bible-believing” Christians and lower among more theologically liberal Christians like Methodists, with atheists at the bottom of the divorce pack. When the findings were made public, George Barna took some heat because Christians expected the difference to be more dramatic and to favor believers. Ellis suggested that maybe Barna had sampled badly. Perhaps some people who called themselves born again had never really devoted their lives to Christ. But Barna held his ground, saying, “We rarely find substantial differences" [in the moral behavior of Christians and non-Christians].

Fancy that.

In 2008, Barna again sampled Americans about divorce rates. The numbers fluctuated a bit, but once again atheists came out painfully good from a prays-together-stays-together perspective. Thirty percent reported ever being divorced, in contrast to 32 percent of born-again Christians. Slicing the U.S. by region, the Bible belt has the highest divorce rate, and this has been the case for over a decade, with the institution of marriage faring better in those dens of blue-state iniquity to the north and west.

https://www.salon.com/2013/11/01/atheis ... s_partner/

And:

Marriages and families within faith communities are no healthier than in the rest of society.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/08/25/di ... index.html