The DoubtingThomas dating / relationships MEGATHREAD

[_EAllusion]

Happiness is negatively correlated with religiosity, Ajax. The upshot is it is positively correlated with Church attendance, likely mediated by social stability. Shake hands* with Lutherans, but don't believe what they tell you.

*Except for now. Don't shake hands right now. Also, probably don't go to Church.

[_EAllusion]

[quote]

His comments come off sexist, jersey girl. This coddling of him that you do just encourages him to continue posting sexist remarks. It happens every time you give him this opening. You are facilitating his sexism.
[/quote]

I agree with this.

DT - Jersey Girl is saying you act as though you have an autism spectrum disorder, which you plausibly do, and feels that tact and grace means being kind to you while avoiding being too harsh about the implications of things you say. I'm sympathetic with what she's doing, but even if you have ASD, I don't think it excuses the comments you make here and, if your are on the spectrum, you really need to learn to be more effective at understanding interactions. High functioning ASD doesn't preclude that; it makes it harder. While I agree that ASD is a potential good explanation for why you write what you do, I also think you enjoy or derive some kind of satisfaction by being provocative with this stuff.

Re: Sexual satisfaction: A modest on average difference in sexual satisfaction based on lifetime annual partners mediated by a number of confounding variables, does not reduce into sexual satisfaction being well explained by that factor. Sexual satisfaction comes down to partner compatibility, communication, individual effort (and skill I suppose), with a range of experiences being satisfying and not the end-all, be-all of relationships. This is like finding out that there's a slight difference between skill level in soccer between people born in the fall and summer, then lamenting that, as a summer child, means you can go outside and play a pick up game of soccer because you don't want to be bad. One, you're really misunderstanding what that study means for individual experience and two, you're kinda missing the point even if you didn't.

Reading a study that indicates that a person with a 5+ lifetime partners on average experiences slightly less sexual satisfaction in current relationships as a basis to only date/sleep with women who've had 2 or fewer partners is so god damn weird, and people are treating you with kid gloves to the extent they aren't being blunt about it. Because we're on a Mormon-related message board and Mormon culture has a deeply unhealthy attitude towards sexuality, it's hard to know to what extent this is affecting your thinking. Licked cupcakes aside, you come off as someone who just doesn't understand sexual relationships rather than someone whose religious background has made him very conservative about them.

[_Jersey Girl]

DT - Jersey Girl is saying you act as though you have an autism spectrum disorder

Wrong. Take the notion that I am referencing ASD out of your interpretation and read my post again. Because ASD plays no role in my thinking in that post.

[_EAllusion]

Ok. Nevermind. Then I'm not sure what you're dancing around then. The other options about what's wrong with DT aren't as sympathetic. Dude writes as a raging misogynist who seems clueless about it and you ought to be careful when trying to run over those hot coals. There's an obsession with youth and sexual innocence through-line to a lot his posting that has a creepy vibe as well. ASD is better than being a hebephile (not that they're mutually exclusive).

[_Doctor CamNC4Me]

I think DT is a total autist who spergs out over women.

[_ajax18]

I think DT is a total autist who spergs out over women.

I really don't blame DT for that. The mother/son relationship has been great, grandson/grandmother great, father/daughter has been great. Boyfriend/girlfriend was awful. Husband/wife has been a bad deal as well. I don't think I'm projecting too inaccurately when I imagine others have probably had similar experiences.

[_EAllusion]

Ajax, your posting over the years makes it sound like you hate your wife.

[_ajax18]

Ajax, your posting over the years makes it sound like you hate your wife.

I've pretty much hated all my romantic relationships. But I wouldn't have a a son or daughter without putting up with it.

I think family law is very unfair to men as well. Thankfully they aren't the final judges. That's the only thing that has gotten me through it over the years.

[_Doctor CamNC4Me]

Jesus Christ, I hope your wife never discovers this forum nor the pseudonym of her husband.

Wait.

Actually. I don’t really care.

- Doc

[_honorentheos]

Out of curiosity, Ajax, were you younger than 25 years old when you got married? And were you saving sex for after marriage or had you and your current spouse been intimate before getting married?