beastie wrote:
If you are 60+, as I suspect, and I know moniker is under 40, I am smack in between the two of you at 50. That's why I think I can recognize the difference between these two generational attitudes about female behavior - because my generation was the one that was starting to challenge and change some of these ideas.
Second, I think it may be relevant because it is not unusual for older women to experience some jealousy towards younger women, who are still their prime regarding sexual power.
I thought of something today which while this discussion was going on I didn't think to mention.
I think my attitude towards men showing interest is different than the average female. I think of it as a positive, a sign of a healthy male.
I got married in 1973, so that's 35 years ago I believe, not quite 40. I married the boy I had a high school crush on who I got to know when I was 16. I only dated one other boy seriously for a year in between the times I dated my husband and married him.
My husband was never sexually aggressive, adventurous, inquisitive or lewd. It's been a role reversal in our relationship and it has caused problems. He has always been a hard worker, extremely competitive, goal oriented, put himself through university, worked his way up the corporate ladder to a high position in a multi-national corporation which itself had a very competitive environment and few accomplished what he did. Women to him and sex in general was a negative distraction likely to sabatoge becoming an accomplished successful individual, intellectually and in business. That attitude served him well, particularly in school and in the corporate world. While other guys might be interested in porno, dating lots of girls, having affairs, he'd be interested in reading intellectually focused books, or devoting himself to getting ahead.
For most of his life, he felt inferior to others who were accomplished. He felt it came natural to them and that he had to work twice as hard for the same result. He now appreciates just how intelligent he is, but at a young age he failed a few elementary grades, in high school the guidance counselor suggested to his parents to take him out of school as he wasn't applying himself. Only by the time he reached grade 10 did it kick in that if he wanted to get ahead, he'd have to work at it. And that's when he started to apply himself with a vengence.
I first got to know him, as that attitude was kicking in. That attracted me to him, that he was so goal driven, such a hard worker. Now he's certainly not a geek. He's an extremely multi-talented individual in many areas, great sense of humor, well liked, very sociable. He was able to retire at the age of 55, basically after working his entire life with virtually no breaks. He finally is able to do the things he wants to do in life. Grow his hair long if he wants, he's over that stage now. Play music, guitar and harmonica with local musicians, run a blues society, golf to his hearts content, read whenever. But he's never really let his hair down so to speak when it comes to sex. He's never let it control him in any sense.
So when I see a guy showing interest, I think it's good, that it isn't something to be discouraged and it's natural. But of course I am looking at it from another extreme. I've never had reason to worry about my husband fooling around. If I was married to someone at the other end of the spectrum I'd likely view things very differently. My husband has always shown great respect to women, and never treated or commented on them as sex objects. For him to do that would be a sign of weakness.
So that's basically what I think it boils down to Beastie. Rather than looking at it, as if I'm being hard on Moniker or negatively judgmental I'm actually being easy on men. If they show interest when there is reason to show interest, I think positively of it. And part of parcel to this is that I think Moniker gave reasons which justified some showing interest.
